Venting i want to end it all soon

[beachlifeindeath]

i talked to my mom about transitioning and and does not want me to until i turn 25. i dont think i could last that long. i feel like getting a job and starting T behind her back, or wait out another 6 years to transition. but at the same time, im really tired. im not strong enough.

my method of ctb was cutting, but i know that wont work. im going to hang myself with a belt in my closet instead.