Venting I want to disappear

[brainwormz]

Today sucked. I got chewed out at work and misgendered all day. I hate being a trans. I'm getting written up again tomorrow for poor performance. This isn't worth it. I can't afford rent or food. It's bullshit. I'm not ready for a ctb attempt. I haven't got the method figured out yet but I'm about to be homeless so I feel like it's getting rusher. I missed a good opportunity today. But I'll kms in my own time. My friends are worried about me because I posted a photo of lines of crushed up Xanax ln. I think I'm just gonna ghost them it's better for everyone that way. Today I self harmed for the first time in 6 months. Never shd in a public bathroom before but it works. Fifty cuts wasn't enough. I let the intrusive thoughts have their way after that. I stabbed myself 7 times in the forearm with a Bic pen. It was kinda shocking how little it hurt. Im also to the point of financial self harm. I figure if I can't pay rent anyway I might as well eat good. Spent about $80 on food today even though my account is negative. Ig I need to figure out how to kms soon. I might give up on partial hanging and try slitting my arm at the spot they always put ivs and draw blood. Will that work?

 

[CTB Dream]

Wrld v trbl v sffr pain ,job thing v cruel also msgndr this rly cruel wrld all money sry sffr this, not know mthod

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really understandable just wishing to disappear, it's so horrible how people suffer like this all through no fault of their own, it's such a hellish world to me where people even have to fear homelessness. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[brainwormz]

I don't wanna create a new thread so I won't. Today was more of the same but worse. I wound us cutting myself in the bathroom again. I cut really fucking deep today. It won't stop bleeding. It's been seven hours since I cut and I'm still bleeding. I may actually need stitches