I want to CTB so f**king bad

[DesolateSouls]

But I'm too much of a fucking pussy to do it. All those times I was called a pussy growing up and even as an adult, it was always true. I deserved to be bullied. I'm weak - I'm afraid. I've tried hanging multiple times but SI always overpower the urge to CTB. Somewhere inside of me there is some hope even though I am a completely fucked person and have missed the bus on too many important developmental milestones to live a decent life. I am so crushingly alone AND lonely; I want to just be gone, but i can't find the strength to do it. I am nothing.

 

[KarmicRain]

other than si, is there anything else keeping you?
I feel like si is something you kinda stop caring about with time but maybe that's just me. the more you think and mentally prepare yourself, the less si gets in the way.
well maybe i'm wrong, everyone's different.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time, seem like it's being on for a long time. It's not easy to kill your self so I stopped trying. Maybe you can share what's going on, why do you want to go so bad? It's not my business of course but sometimes having someone listen can be therapeutic. I'm here if you want to talk just message me

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. SI is so hard to defeat. When the time is right you will find the strength you need. I hope you find peace!

 

[アホペンギン]

SI is normal, everyone has it and they feel the same way as you because SI will always defeat the huge urge to ctb - it is inevitable, a fact of life. You aren't a pussy for having SI. Therefore, all those people who called you that were wrong. I hope you are able to defeat SI soon, maybe take some antidepressants or anxiety pills to weaken SI or drink an alcoholic beverage beforehand. I send you my best regards.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't think that someone is cowardly if they struggle with a risky, awful and barbaric method like hanging, the problem lies in how we are so cruelly denied a peaceful and guaranteed way to leave, such a thing should be a human right, it's criminal to me how people have to suffer so much to leave this world. And I understand that it's so dreadful feeling trapped here when you just wish to be gone, but anyway I hope you eventually find what you search for.