Help I want to ctb, but I'm scared and don't have many realistic options.

[birdie8]

I just want relief, I want it to be over quick and easy. I'm at war with myself in my head, the mental pain feels so physical to the point where I'm being driven crazy. I've gotten to the point where I cannot physically take care of my health or hygiene, I rot every day in my apartment in tears, picking my skin off and tearing the hair out of my head. Killing myself is the only thing I am looking forward to, but I have no idea how to do it. I'm broke, live at university, hate pain and am too scared to do it unless I'm having an episode. Whenever I have episodes I can't think straight and just cut myself up or destroy my room, if I try to ctb it's erratic and never works. I want relief from the hell that is being me, I've dealt with this for over 20 years please someone. Please someone help me, I cannot help myself.

 

[Alexandra_]

Maybe you should see a doctor and try to cure your depression. I wish you all the best

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much, it sounds really torturous what you've been through and I really understand just wanting to be free from this cruel existence, all I want is to never suffer again, it's just so cruel to me how I cannot just have a painless death that is guaranteed, I also just wish for a quick way to be gone and I suffer so much from how I cannot have that, I hope you find peace, I wish you the best.

 

[ChocoPie]

I just want relief, I want it to be over quick and easy. I'm at war with myself in my head, the mental pain feels so physical to the point where I'm being driven crazy. I've gotten to the point where I cannot physically take care of my health or hygiene, I rot every day in my apartment in tears, picking my skin off and tearing the hair out of my head. Killing myself is the only thing I am looking forward to, but I have no idea how to do it. I'm broke, live at university, hate pain and am too scared to do it unless I'm having an episode. Whenever I have episodes I can't think straight and just cut myself up or destroy my room, if I try to ctb it's erratic and never works. I want relief from the hell that is being me, I've dealt with this for over 20 years please someone. Please someone help me, I cannot help myself.

Ah man that sounds so tough, I find myself in similar situation.
I'm stuck in this rural area with no high buildings and no realistic way to CTB, I feel like I'm being more hyperactive these days, all I can think abt is death...my OCD just worsens I haven't even got diagnosed for any mental health problem but my skin got too dry and started peeling off bcz of excessive washing so it's pretty obvious that I have OCD, I can never get help for anything in here, I just wanna leave this world...I wish u would get the help u need.