Hunterer
Member
- May 13, 2024
- 73
Hello, as you read in the title above, this is the main reason why I would like to ctb.
At the moment I'm writing this, I'm writing with a deep pain in my heart, a pain in my chest that I'm already used to feeling, and I know that this pain will probably only go away the day I'm dead, but let's just say parties... We live in a society where it is difficult to maintain stable relationships for several reasons. If you are a person devoid of beauty or material possessions, you will probably end up alone, and that is my case. I unfortunately wasn't lucky with my genetics, which is why I'm not seen as attractive by others, and they made a point of throwing this in my face twice while I was still at school, once during elementary school and once during high school during Valentine's Day. That day, I was excited to send a letter to a girl I liked, I was anxious, but in the end I gave up because I knew I wouldn't have the slightest chance with her, I didn't even decide to try. I would probably be obviously rejected, ridiculed, among other things, and that hurts a lot inside me...
Just as I write this, I already feel like crying, because I realize that in the world we live in, it's not enough to just be a nice, kind, humble person or anything like that. You need to be physically attractive or have status, and I'm neither of those, I'm not attractive and I don't have money. To tell the truth, I'm completely miserable and a failure, those are the only two words that can describe me better. I would like to someday be able to be loved by someone other than a member of my family, but that would be impossible for me, and I would eventually have to deal with loneliness... People say there is always a soulmate somewhere. place, but I think that's not my case and I don't want to have to wait years and years to meet this supposed soulmate who shouldn't even exist.
I've suffered a lot of things in this life. I've fantasized about impossible loves, that could only exist in my mind, and I keep fantasizing, because that's literally my only alternative. I can't even pay a prostitute to satisfy me precisely because I'm so pathetic and miserable, and I hope that at least, after my death, either I no longer feel anything like an eternal sleep, or I go to some kind of paradise where I can forget all my pains and I can be truly happy and loved there, and as absurd as that may sound, I would really like to believe in this 2nd option, but if there really is a paradise filled with love and happiness, I highly doubt I would be sent there.
I'm sorry for the long text, but I need to vent. This is the only place I can vent without at least being judged or seen as a stranger, and this is one of, if not the main reason why I want to ctb soon, besides of course, the lack of motivation for things It's a fear of my future, and as I already know that I'm not going to accomplish anything much, it's better to get it all over with quickly. There are people who weren't born to live in this world, I think, and I must be one of them...
If anyone feels the same way as me, feel free to respond to the question addressed.
At the moment I'm writing this, I'm writing with a deep pain in my heart, a pain in my chest that I'm already used to feeling, and I know that this pain will probably only go away the day I'm dead, but let's just say parties... We live in a society where it is difficult to maintain stable relationships for several reasons. If you are a person devoid of beauty or material possessions, you will probably end up alone, and that is my case. I unfortunately wasn't lucky with my genetics, which is why I'm not seen as attractive by others, and they made a point of throwing this in my face twice while I was still at school, once during elementary school and once during high school during Valentine's Day. That day, I was excited to send a letter to a girl I liked, I was anxious, but in the end I gave up because I knew I wouldn't have the slightest chance with her, I didn't even decide to try. I would probably be obviously rejected, ridiculed, among other things, and that hurts a lot inside me...
Just as I write this, I already feel like crying, because I realize that in the world we live in, it's not enough to just be a nice, kind, humble person or anything like that. You need to be physically attractive or have status, and I'm neither of those, I'm not attractive and I don't have money. To tell the truth, I'm completely miserable and a failure, those are the only two words that can describe me better. I would like to someday be able to be loved by someone other than a member of my family, but that would be impossible for me, and I would eventually have to deal with loneliness... People say there is always a soulmate somewhere. place, but I think that's not my case and I don't want to have to wait years and years to meet this supposed soulmate who shouldn't even exist.
I've suffered a lot of things in this life. I've fantasized about impossible loves, that could only exist in my mind, and I keep fantasizing, because that's literally my only alternative. I can't even pay a prostitute to satisfy me precisely because I'm so pathetic and miserable, and I hope that at least, after my death, either I no longer feel anything like an eternal sleep, or I go to some kind of paradise where I can forget all my pains and I can be truly happy and loved there, and as absurd as that may sound, I would really like to believe in this 2nd option, but if there really is a paradise filled with love and happiness, I highly doubt I would be sent there.
I'm sorry for the long text, but I need to vent. This is the only place I can vent without at least being judged or seen as a stranger, and this is one of, if not the main reason why I want to ctb soon, besides of course, the lack of motivation for things It's a fear of my future, and as I already know that I'm not going to accomplish anything much, it's better to get it all over with quickly. There are people who weren't born to live in this world, I think, and I must be one of them...
If anyone feels the same way as me, feel free to respond to the question addressed.