Is it selfishness to wanna choose what I want?

[hikaru13]

Am I the asshole for wanting to choose taking a gap year for now? I wanted to save up money because I still want to study in that school that I had built my reputation: all the club and organisation positions handed out for me, all the teachers that are looking forward to have me back, the exams that I passed that half of my college failed. I don't wanna lose these yet so I'm trying to handle things my way and save up to be able to support myself. But no, my parents don't want that because "why would I be stressed about switching schools instead?" and "why would I be stressed out over something simple?". Well it is THAT important for me but they never understand that.

Now they're all upset with me because of my decision but I feel so empty that I'm thinking of just giving up :(

 

[themisfell]

I typed out a whole message and then I realized I think you meant a gap year between high school and college lol.

I think there's no issue in terms of a gap year. in fact, id say its probably a good thing in terms of figuring out what youd want depending on your circumstances. I would probably just really think it through. make sure you wouldn't be losing any scholarships if you take a gap year as well, and sorry to hear youre going through this.

 

[TheShadowQueen]

I've been a people pleaser my entire life until recently as stupid as it sounds I realized its my life and I can do what I want and what I think is best for me no matter what people think or say. It's hard to get to that point especially with parents but I hope you can get there sometimes you have to be selfish!

 

[hikaru13]

I typed out a whole message and then I realized I think you meant a gap year between high school and college lol.

I meant like taking a one year break from school so I wouldn't be an irregular student for my 2nd year of uni.

I think there's no issue in terms of a gap year. in fact, id say its probably a good thing in terms of figuring out what youd want depending on your circumstances.

mhmmm thank you for reassuring me that because I thought I am going insane with the decisions I'm making. I really am eager to do well with my studies and for now the only thing that's hindering my education rn. :(( It's good that my teachers, moderators, and friends are supportive of my decision and still welcome me to go to class from time to time.

make sure you wouldn't be losing any scholarships if you take a gap year as well, and sorry to hear youre going through this

Yes I'm frequently checking up on every scholarships I could find.

 

[33K1LLM3]

It's selfish for people to live their lives through you ok. It's your life, your an adult you get to decide. I'm so sorry you are in this position, your on this forum for a reason, we all are, it's about respecting one and others choices. If you want to live your life please do, please live your life out until you feel ready to make your own choices about what you want to do. Don't give up if you don't feel ready ok, I understand what your going through <3

 

[ChainedCrow]

They can be angry all they want its your life and its their fault as parents for not respecting your choices. Its good that u decided for yourself and what right for you, no amount of happiness others will feel will compensate for your own happiness. Do what u feel is right for YOU and dont look at approval from others.
Much love

 

[hikaru13]

I've been a people pleaser my entire life until recently as stupid as it sounds I realized its my life and I can do what I want and what I think is best for me no matter what people think or say. It's hard to get to that point especially with parents but I hope you can get there sometimes you have to be selfish!

Mhmm I get you and it really sucks to always be appeasing to other people. Learning that I could do what I want really empowered me to speak up and yes it is okay to be selfish sometimes <3

It's selfish for people to live their lives through you ok. It's your life, your an adult you get to decide. I'm so sorry you are in this position, your on this forum for a reason, we all are, it's about respecting one and others choices.

Yeah that's honestly so true. Living in a strict asian household really feels suffocating, always expecting for me to know everything, follow every commands they make, excel at every subjects I take, and a lot more. I did everything I could and get the grades that only 10% of my class achieved and still they weren't impressed at all. I really don't know where I should place myself :(

If you want to live your life please do, please live your life out until you feel ready to make your own choices about what you want to do. Don't give up if you don't feel ready ok, I understand what your going through <3

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I'm trying my best to look at the good side and not do anything rash before I regret it.

 

[_Maya]

Am I the asshole for wanting to choose taking a gap year for now? I wanted to save up money because I still want to study in that school that I had built my reputation: all the club and organisation positions handed out for me, all the teachers that are looking forward to have me back, the exams that I passed that half of my college failed. I don't wanna lose these yet so I'm trying to handle things my way and save up to be able to support myself. But no, my parents don't want that because "why would I be stressed about switching schools instead?" and "why would I be stressed out over something simple?". Well it is THAT important for me but they never understand that.

Now they're all upset with me because of my decision but I feel so empty that I'm thinking of just giving up :(

I don't think its that big of a deal, it's good to take things slow so it'd probably be better to make sure you're prepared. Not everyone's gonna be happy with what you choose, so i say choose what you want, choose the gap year if thats what you want.

 

[Grog]

At the end of the day, people are going to approve and disapprove of you, no matter what you choose to do. You might as well choose to do what you want, not what someone else wants.

Take a year off.

 

[hikaru13]

They can be angry all they want its your life and its their fault as parents for not respecting your choices. Its good that u decided for yourself and what right for you, no amount of happiness others will feel will compensate for your own happiness. Do what u feel is right for YOU and dont look at approval from others.
Much love

Thank you so much for that. It really makes me feel happy to see you guys support my decision . I've decided to get a job so I could save up for the whole 2 semesters and so I could prepare myself next year.

I don't think its that big of a deal, it's good to take things slow so it'd probably be better to make sure you're prepared. Not everyone's gonna be happy with what you choose, so i say choose what you want, choose the gap year if thats what you want.

Mhmm I agree with you. It's just that they have a huge control over my life so I've always been living in fear and always been walking on eggshells, afraid that they'll snap any moment and physically hurt me again.

At the end of the day, people are going to approve and disapprove of you, no matter what you choose to do. You might as well choose to do what you want, not what someone else wants.

Take a year off.

Mhmm thank you for that! I definitely will!

 

[Dark Moon]

It's up to you it's your decision to do what you want. I took one year off back when I was in college and my parents thought I needed a break anyway.

 

[hikaru13]

It's up to you it's your decision to do what you want. I took one year off back when I was in college and my parents thought I needed a break anyway.

It's good that your parents are supportive. Mine are narcissists... like actually

 

[mlb]

Am I the asshole for wanting to choose taking a gap year for now? I wanted to save up money because I still want to study in that school that I had built my reputation: all the club and organisation positions handed out for me, all the teachers that are looking forward to have me back, the exams that I passed that half of my college failed. I don't wanna lose these yet so I'm trying to handle things my way and save up to be able to support myself. But no, my parents don't want that because "why would I be stressed about switching schools instead?" and "why would I be stressed out over something simple?". Well it is THAT important for me but they never understand that.

Now they're all upset with me because of my decision but I feel so empty that I'm thinking of just giving up :(

you are absolutely not the asshole, taking gap years is a common practice in the world. as many of the replies mentioned, in the end, it is your life to live and your choices to make and you decide how to navigate. i took a gap year myself, and i came back so much stronger and more academically prepared. sometimes life doesn't go along as planned and you need to take breaks. i dropped out of college and quit my job because of mental struggles and i haven't felt better. please don't choose something that you know will make you suffer when you need to rest.

 

[hikaru13]

you are absolutely not the asshole, taking gap years is a common practice in the world. as many of the replies mentioned, in the end, it is your life to live and your choices to make and you decide how to navigate. i took a gap year myself, and i came back so much stronger and more academically prepared. sometimes life doesn't go along as planned and you need to take breaks

You're strong for making that decision, I'm proud of you!

i dropped out of college and quit my job because of mental struggles and i haven't felt better. please don't choose something that you know will make you suffer when you need to rest.

mhmm I am taking a break now. I think they finally got the hint that I don't wanna continue rn.