Venting I want to come out to my mom but im scared

[sleeplessboyinbed]

I really want to tell somebody irl because i feel so invisible and it kills me. But the only person a have is my mom. The thing is, i really don't know how she will react anymore.
When i tried asking her for a short haircut (yes im still not independent from her in any regards, i know im embarrassing ) she said: "So you want to be a boy!?!". It's not the only thing, but the rest hurts too much to even remember. I denied it because i didn't feel safe. There were more instances of her saying things that made me unsafe. As i said, im still dependent on her so i don't want to risk anything.
Im uncertain about her reaction because not long ago, when she was watching tiktok in the same room as me, she stumbled upon a live stream. The host was a trans guy, he was taking about being trans. My mom didn't seem to have a negative reaction? I try not to have my hopes up, id rather not be disappointed. But a part of me wants to have her in my life. I really want her to accept me, because without her im all alone.
I have a complicated relationship with my mom. I think she hates me and i think i hate her too. Yet i still hope.

 

[h3u8e7u]

well then don't come out. i see no good reason to. just live your life and use the haircut you want, and dress how you want. if she asks, just say it's bc u like it.