Venting I want to believe the world is good

[colorlesshue]

two years ago someone on this site checked up on me after I posted about overtaking my antidepressants, I was coping terribly with school and everything going on in my life. I wanted, and honestly to some extent still want to die. It's difficult in all honesty to reconcile with that fact, or realize that two years from now i'd disappoint my parents when they found out about my self harm or make my first friend in person. I honestly didn't think i'd get this far, or even that I'd get past tonight.

but i'm still here two years later, a little more battered than before but i'm somehow still here. I want to think the world is good, even if the possible god that made it might not be. I found my religion in the baby that I babysit on fridays, or my excited professor glad to share a part of his research. I've found faith even tonight in the user that fed a man that was struggling.

i think the world is good, and I think I can be a good person.

 

[Industrial Solvent]

there is no good, but convincing oneself otherwise is probably the only way to stay mentally together, so i wish you the best.

 

[colorlesshue]

there is no good, but convincing oneself otherwise is probably the only way to stay mentally together, so i wish you the best.

I want to think I at least found good, even if it's in the little things such as gaining contact with people I havent spoken to in ages or when my boyfriend tells me he loves me. The world is full of awful things yes, but I believe we as humans are inheritably good.

 

[mushi]

i'm glad you're still here and doing better. i don't think the world is good or bad, i think it just is. I don't think most people are "evil" if there's a ratio I think it's 90% good 10% evil. i think the world would be a much more dangerous place than it is if that ratio was different. but the 90% can still be greedy, selfish, hurtful, rude, unkind. not in the big ways like murder or rape, but in those death-of-a-thousand-cuts ways, like making fun of people, or having anger problems and lashing out, or exploiting people. i'm an optimist and I love people and I love the world and because of that I've suffered immensely. it's like people sense it and do their absolute best to crush it in me. I think seeing the world as all good is a childs way of thinking, and it's pure and beautiful and innocent, but it's also not reality. and if you hold on it you keep being disappointed and hurt when you see people bully each other, exclude each other, cheat, lie, etc. love is definitely real but not easy, so I'm glad you have it with your boyfriend

 

[ocdrowsy]

i'm glad you're still here and doing better. i don't think the world is good or bad, i think it just is. I don't think most people are "evil" if there's a ratio I think it's 90% good 10% evil. i think the world would be a much more dangerous place than it is if that ratio was different. but the 90% can still be greedy, selfish, hurtful, rude, unkind. not in the big ways like murder or rape, but in those death-of-a-thousand-cuts ways, like making fun of people, or having anger problems and lashing out, or exploiting people. i'm an optimist and I love people and I love the world and because of that I've suffered immensely. it's like people sense it and do their absolute best to crush it in me. I think seeing the world as all good is a childs way of thinking, and it's pure and beautiful and innocent, but it's also not reality. and if you hold on it you keep being disappointed and hurt when you see people bully each other, exclude each other, cheat, lie, etc. love is definitely real but not easy, so I'm glad you have it with your boyfriend

I am the same, I feel as if I am naturally optimsitc I want to see the best in people and in situations. I am often told that the wishes I have for the world or for the people around me to get better is often delusional or a dream and not realistic. It hurts to be dissapointed all the time but I really do not want to live in a world where this is the norm. I haven't lived very long in the scheme of things so hopefully believing and doing good is enough to feel content in this life