Help I want to be happy alone

[lost_one]

I have posted similar things before, so forgive me for walking in circles. But I do, I want to be happy alone, I want to be satisfied with who I am, I want to like myself, to enjoy my own company, to have my own little quiet place in the world. To be whole by myself.

Let people just be a fun little addition to that...

That is literally all that I know right now. I just don't know how to do that, how to feel motivated to care about myself. To care about anything really.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I wouldn't say I like myself. I only socialize IRL a few times a year with one person that I've known for 20 years. I've never liked people, even in kindergarten I hated other people. I ignore people in public trying to chat with me, I just straight up pretend they don't exist [but if someone asks for help or is in an emergency, I respond right away]. I'm aromantic and single for the last ~17 years.

I'm alone and I don't mind it. I've never felt lonely despite being alone.

 

[UtopianSoliloquies]

I'm not an expert obviously and I could be wrong, but counterintuitively I think that getting out there and hopefully meeting people that you can be friends with can actually make you happy on your own. Things like self esteem and self efficacy are learned. You don't necessarily have to learn them from other people, but that can be a lot easier than getting it from some solitary philosophical meditation.

I used to be incredibly lonely and it was probably the main thing driving me to CTB, and it was having friends who saw the best in me that helped me get out of that mental state and made me healthy enough emotionally to eventually find my girlfriend who I've been with for a few days short of a year now. That combination of having people who were there for me at my worst and subsequently meeting someone who loved me more than I could initially understand drastically changed how I viewed myself. I would say that today, I generally like myself. I'm grateful to my past, miserable self and see him as someone who made the right decisions when they counted to eventually get me out of that hellhole, even if it was very painful in the moment.

Ironically, because I now have some people around me that I deeply care about, I'm happy on my own. The time I spend around others recontextualizes my alone time as an opportunity to unwind and do the things that are best done alone (i.e. personal projects and learning random things). Just as bullying and abuse often makes people internalise the destructive perceptions directed at them, having meaningful connections can help you like yourself and internalise that you're someone that is nice to be alone with.

 

[lost_one]

I'm not an expert obviously and I could be wrong, but counterintuitively I think that getting out there and hopefully meeting people that you can be friends with can actually make you happy on your own. Things like self esteem and self efficacy are learned. You don't necessarily have to learn them from other people, but that can be a lot easier than getting it from some solitary philosophical meditation.

I used to be incredibly lonely and it was probably the main thing driving me to CTB, and it was having friends who saw the best in me that helped me get out of that mental state and made me healthy enough emotionally to eventually find my girlfriend who I've been with for a few days short of a year now. That combination of having people who were there for me at my worst and subsequently meeting someone who loved me more than I could initially understand drastically changed how I viewed myself. I would say that today, I generally like myself. I'm grateful to my past, miserable self and see him as someone who made the right decisions when they counted to eventually get me out of that hellhole, even if it was very painful in the moment.

Ironically, because I now have some people around me that I deeply care about, I'm happy on my own. The time I spend around others recontextualizes my alone time as an opportunity to unwind and do the things that are best done alone (i.e. personal projects and learning random things). Just as bullying and abuse often makes people internalise the destructive perceptions directed at them, having meaningful connections can help you like yourself and internalise that you're someone that is nice to be alone with.

Yes, but I don't think I can do that. I never had friends, I don't know if I even will, so I don't want to wait around for that to happen so that I can try and be happy.

 

[usernamesarehard]

I have posted similar things before, so forgive me for walking in circles. But I do, I want to be happy alone, I want to be satisfied with who I am, I want to like myself, to enjoy my own company, to have my own little quiet place in the world. To be whole by myself.

Let people just be a fun little addition to that...

That is literally all that I know right now. I just don't know how to do that, how to feel motivated to care about myself. To care about anything really.

I feel the same. I've been lonely for most of my life, I wish I could be like all the other people who say they're happy with their own company.

 

[lost_one]

I feel the same. I've been lonely for most of my life, I wish I could be like all the other people who say they're happy with their own company.

Yeah, I want to be able enjoy my own company, to be ok weather there are other people in my life or not. It's a tough thing, good luck.

 

[ConstantPain]

I don't think I can go as far as calling it happiness, but I am definitely better off alone. Maybe instead of having it be a tough goal, just see it for the advantages. No one telling you what to do, talking too much, too loud, too judgementally. Eating what you want when you want and not worrying about feeding other people. Sleeping when and how long you want (within any work/school responsibilities). Showering, cleaning, shopping when you feel like it and only for yourself. Most of all, the peace and quiet I get being alone is better than any feeling I have ever had around people. Granted, I have cats I love and would probably be more depressed without them so having a pet might also help.

I'm also biased because I do remember how much I liked living alone compared to now being in a horrible relationship. My stress level rises every time he comes in and I don't feel safe. If I could go back to living alone I would never give up that peace again.

 

[lost_one]

I don't think I can go as far as calling it happiness, but I am definitely better off alone. Maybe instead of having it be a tough goal, just see it for the advantages. No one telling you what to do, talking too much, too loud, too judgementally. Eating what you want when you want and not worrying about feeding other people. Sleeping when and how long you want (within any work/school responsibilities). Showering, cleaning, shopping when you feel like it and only for yourself. Most of all, the peace and quiet I get being alone is better than any feeling I have ever had around people. Granted, I have cats I love and would probably be more depressed without them so having a pet might also help.

I'm also biased because I do remember how much I liked living alone compared to now being in a horrible relationship. My stress level rises every time he comes in and I don't feel safe. If I could go back to living alone I would never give up that peace again.

Yes, the thing is I don't like myself, and I don't like my own company if you will. My goal isn't to be super jolly, but satisfied being by myself. Without constantly feeling like I am missing out or craving someone else.
I want to be more confident and pleased with myself. At peace with myself, to fell whole.

I don't want to *need* someone else