Venting I want to be free from the abuse

[Tumblewillow]

I can't handle it anymore I want to just be free

I've been living with the man that groomed and assaulted me when I was 16 for over a decade. I moved in with him after he promised to change and to get away from domestic abuse at the hands of my mother. I just didn't want to be hit and have things thrown at me anymore.

He spends all day everyday talking about himself, I feel so invisible. Hours a day talking about how clever he is, how everyone is in awe of him. He expects me to drop everything I'm doing to listen. He will even wake me up to talk.
I'm not allowed any emotional support because it's "self pitying rubbish" or he changes the conversation to talk about himself. If I try to have any conversation with emotional depth I get called names and told I'm useless or delusional or stupid.

I have the option to go back home to domestic violence or stay here enduring this. I'm trying to go to college so I can get a better job and support myself but there isn't any point anymore. I'm too tired and I cant do it alone. I have no one else.
I don't even want to die. I love life, I just can't survive mine anymore.

I have one method and if that doesn't work I'm going to have to jump infront of one of the local trains which I don't want to do. I wish my life had been different

 

[Cauliflour]

Maybe look around for local homeless shelters? I know it's not ideal but if your other options are that jackass or domestic violence then I'm sure a decent homeless shelter would be a better alternative. Maybe call some charities that specialise in this stuff to see if they can help you with accommodation? Idk I've never been in this situation but that's what I would do in that scenario.

 

[Nightfoot]

You might see if there is a domestic violence shelter in your area so you can get out of your bad situation without having to either return to another one or take your own life. I hope you find a good solution because you don't deserve to suffer.

 

[fedup1982]

I can't handle it anymore I want to just be free

I've been living with the man that groomed and assaulted me when I was 16 for over a decade. I moved in with him after he promised to change and to get away from domestic abuse at the hands of my mother. I just didn't want to be hit and have things thrown at me anymore.

He spends all day everyday talking about himself, I feel so invisible. Hours a day talking about how clever he is, how everyone is in awe of him. He expects me to drop everything I'm doing to listen. He will even wake me up to talk.
I'm not allowed any emotional support because it's "self pitying rubbish" or he changes the conversation to talk about himself. If I try to have any conversation with emotional depth I get called names and told I'm useless or delusional or stupid.

I have the option to go back home to domestic violence or stay here enduring this. I'm trying to go to college so I can get a better job and support myself but there isn't any point anymore. I'm too tired and I cant do it alone. I have no one else.
I don't even want to die. I love life, I just can't survive mine anymore.

I have one method and if that doesn't work I'm going to have to jump infront of one of the local trains which I don't want to do. I wish my life had been different

What country are you in? Maybe I can try and find a charity or organisation or government service that can help you? Or maybe you could book an appt with your doctor to ask for help? You should not need to put up with this (and he should be in prison)

 

[Manfrotto99]

It is very sad that you are young and studying with a future ahead of you, but contemplating ctb because you are trapped in abuse. I understand the abuse and how it affects you, though I am not young.

As others have said, have you looked into domestic shelter or homes for women? There are organisations that run them. Ie. The church i go to runs a couple of homes. The women there are lovely and each one has their own personal struggles from abusive familys/ relationships. I am friends with a few of the women. They have helped to encorage me at times. The women support one another and receive emotional and medical support from professionals and others in the church. The location etc is kept secret. Many of the women where ready to CTB before going there. Some women stay for years while others move on when ready. Many eventually feel called by God to go to other countries and do work helping others, its a personal choice. I'm sure there are other organisations that are not Christian that run similar places too.

 

[tend a dead garden]

There are a number of places and resources available to you to hep escape a DA situation. I'm not sure what country your in but in the UK a simple internet search will yield numbers and organisations who can help you get out from your situation.
To CTB without at least trying to use some of the resources would be too soon. Try the route of engaging with the help there is before resorting to the leaving the world.