Venting i wanna hurt so bad (s/h vent)

[huftydumdum]

i love the feeling of the blade tearing my skin open, the more i resist to hurt the worst i want it. i love seeing blood seep down my arms and how relaxed i finally feel, i can never catch a break and even though i know it's bad for me i need this like i need water. i for once don't feel overwhelmingly suicidal, but unlike suicide which i'm too scared to do, this gives me what i need without the commitment of dying forever. i wish i could do it more, after one small cut my body gets feverish. the moment feels good, but the healing portion is a bitch.

i hate the sinking dread in my stomach that never resides, i can never look anyone in the eyes, i am ashamed. i think i'm addicted.

 

[moya117]

It is an addiction, it's not your fault that you got yourself in this situation tho, you don't have to be ashamed, I mean, you litarally do this to stay alive, it's a coping mechanism even if it's the "bad one". I suggest try to minimalize the damage, like doing it with a scissors but only just scraping it, remember just scraping it, don't press too hard, and then you're done, if you really like the colour red on your wrist then scribble it with a red pen or marker, maybe write something on it. When people look at your scars, look at their reaction, it tells you so much about them as a person.
Wish you the best <3