I wanna die but it's so damn hard

[rs929]

I'm just tired of everything

 

[justsad&done]

Agree completely. Too tired, too sad. And dying is very very hard.

 

[AprilsBlessings]

Same, these days i feel like it's harder and scarier than ever.........

 

[WornOutLife]

Me too!
I hope we can find peace soon!

 

[wanttodie]

me to

 

[Nymph]

I feel you

 

[stygal]

I used to hope my illness was terminal (when I was younger) so that I could go without having to do anything for it.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I'm just tired of everything

Me too. So many problems that are probable in life : pain ,hard work ,suffering, aging ,injustices, diseases,problems etc. and for what do i have to put up with all that and work so hard for ? I don't see a purpose to life. My new year's Resolution is to kill myself in 2021. I wish i had everything ready for Dec 31 2020 new year's eve but i 'll need months

 

[muffin222]

I'm so sorry you're stuck in limbo. Reaching that final decision to die is surprisingly difficult, and following through with it is infinitely more difficult. You're not alone in feeling this way

 

[foxdie]

I'm just tired of everything

#mood

 

[Yiyo123]

I'm not afraid of dying. I'm so tired of life. What's the purpose of living a meaningless and worthless life. I feel empty and lonely. In reality, nobody cares ... you are simply one more and when tou die you become an statistic. But I concur with most of you, taking the step to ctb is hard. You have to be really sure. I want to end my existance so bad... but I can't right now. My wife is aware of my mental health issues and she is holding me back. I have to prepare her for this... i have to take care of a few things first.

 

[AutoTap]

this is so me I'm just done but I can't even ctb :/

 

[AbsoluteNothingness]

I fucking wish it was easy, it's so damn frustrating that it isn't. I guess I'll have to consider having to fucking work and all that crap to have money or whatever tf that is to buy/have a damn 'house'/'apartment' and attempt there (because here is just so hard and so risky), as i wouldn't have to fucking 'worry' about getting caught/being found, 'failing', 'brain damage', 'psych ward', 'suicide watch', not having more 'opportunities' to attempt again, 'traumatizing' and 'shocking' my 'parents'/'family' etc*, but i just DON'T want to have to wait for so long until i finally 'earn' enough money for the house. i know that having an 'oWn HoUsE' has many 'advantages' as i would 'avoid' all those risks and would be 'able' to 'prepare'/'plan' the attempt better and without the 'worry' of not having enough time to do it and being interrupted and Im supposed to "not" 'fail' as well as no one would be around and my parents/family wouldn't be the first ones who find the dead body first so the 'trauma' and 'shock' would be "less", although they'd end up seeing my corpse at my 'funeral' anyways (ive never wanted a funeral nor be buried nor have any funeral service like that but now I dont give a fuck and I'll let my family 'choose'/'decide' how they want to 'mourn' my death/what to do with with the body, whatever they 'wish'. I'll be dead and won't exist anymore so i won't give a damn shit what they'll decide to do with my body lol, whatever it's best for them it's ok) so... There's just no way they won't see the body and get traumatized or whatever that means, they will eventually sooner or later whether it's here in their house or somewhere else, in a "lower" or "higher" 'level' but they'd still be traumatized/shocked/devastated anyways I just can't control that, a dead is a dead body and they'd eventually know i 'killed myself'[***] (((((i DONT want to "commit suicide", i want to DIE/NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL, those 'terms' dont have the same exact 'meaning' behind actually at all, i DONT want to die bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN/rEaSoNs, it's NOT because of "suffering"/"pain"/"depression"/"bad life"/"emptiness"/"meaninglessness"/"boredom"/"bad family"/"unsatisfaction"/"unfulfillment"(i don't want to have "fUlFilLmEnT" nor "sAtIsFaCtIoN" nor literally any other crap like that/in general lol, why am i supposed to want to yes or yes? I just cant understand) /"nihilism"/"antinatalism"/"efilism"/""wOrThLeSs"|"bAd"|"uNfAiR"|"pAiNfUl"|"sAd"|"hArD"|"bOrInG"|"mEaNiNgLeSs" 'lIfE'" (as if i gave a fuck if 'my life'/'life' itself in general/'whoever tf's life' is those and or any/whatever other """""nEgAtIvE""""" 'way'/type of 'life' or not lmao. I just dont want any 'life' at all of any type, much less any """pOsItIvE""" way/type of 'life' at all, i just don't and never will)/"""disappointment""|""disgust""|""disconnection""|""inadaptability""|""unsatisfaction""|""unfulfillment"" blahblah and or whatever the fuck 'with'|'about'|'in' 'life'|'the world'|'planet earth'|'society'|'humanity' blahbkah and or whatever the fck/"low self esteem"/"self loathing"/"self hatred"/"abuse"/"trauma"/"bullying"/"loneliness" (i just dont want to be with anyone lol never had never will so ofc it's not that reason neither, nor literally any other at all)/"mental illnesses"/"disabilities" NOR literally ANY other reason/reasons at all in general of any type, it's just not because of any reason at all, there just aren't any, if i said theres a reason I'd be lying lol. I WANT TO DIE and that's it, there aren't any "reasons" nor "explanations" nor is the "consequence" of something, NO. I simply want to just not exist at all and just not experience etc absolutely anything whatever/however it is no matter what type/way etc it is, and thats it. So no, i DONT want to "commit suicide", thats for people who want to die BECAUSE OF A REASON and that if it wasn't for that reason etc and or whatever tf they wouldn't want to die, that's not my 'case' at all, i DON'T want to die "because if a reason but if it wasnt for that reason i wouldn't want to", no. I simply want to and that's it, there's absolutely no single damn reason at all, being completely 'honest' and 'serious' or whatever tf those 'words'/'adjectives' mean lol. that's it, and if no one believes it I couldn't care less, that doesn't mean that it's not true lmao.)))))[***] and would see the meat carcass anyway. But well, 'at least' if i died somewhere else that isn't their house, i guess the 'trauma' and 'shock' would be "less worse", than if i had died in their house as theyd have that 'scene' of my death/decaying body in their house in their 'memory' for the rest of their lives and blah blah. But in order to attempt outside and avoid the risk of a 'psych ward', 'brain damage' depending on the method, 'unplanned'/'unprepared' attempt that would lead to 'fAiLuRe', 'sUiCiDe WaTcH', traumatizing/shocking parents/family etc and all those 'risks'/'worries', i have to have 'wIlL', 'mOtIvAtiOn', 'eNeRgY', 'sTrEnGtH' and all that shit and make fucking efforts such as work/get a fucking job, have to fcking 'sOcIaLiZe'/'iNtErAcT'/'cOmMuNiCaTe' with people and wait many years and then wait until the damn is finally fucking finished to FINALLY ATTEMPT THERE.
It's 'discouraging' or whatever tf that means but it'd be the best option.... Failing the attempt and 'traumatizing'/'hurting' my 'parents'/'family' a lot is what fucking 'holds me back'. i used to say that i don't really give a fuck if theyd suffer, as "cold"/"cruel"/"selfish" as it sounds, but well, while it's true that i literally just don't give a damn single shit about absolutely anything in general at all never had never will and dont want to give a shit about/care about absolutely literally anything/anyone at all in general of any type/way etc whatever/however/whoever etc it is/can be etc never had never will and that's it, I can't fucking help but to 'care' about them and 'feel' 'sad'/'bad' for them because i guess they dont 'deserve' to 'suffer' and blahblah, so well, i inevitably have to fucking deal with the inevitable """""guilt""""" because i had no choice but to be 'born'/'exist', 'be' 'something'/'someone' and have 'parents'/'family' and all that blahblahblah so now I inevitably/have no damn choice but to have to deal with the """""gUiLt""""" of lEaViNg mY 'pArEnTs'/'fAmIlY' bEhInD aNd 'hUrTiNg' tHeM and blahblah, but still 'THIS' (nor literally/basically/absolutely ANYTHING else in general at all, no matter what/how it is/can be, no 'matter' what type/way it is/can be and a long etc) JUST SIMPLY SHOULDN'T BE AN OBLIGATION, REGARDLESS OF HOW THE FUCK IT IS ETC!!!! if i simply just don't want to 'exist' nor 'experience'/'be part of'/'do'/'know' 'about'/'learn' 'about'/'care about'/have 'interest' for/'participate in'/'explore'/'inhabit'/'enjoy'/'discover' etcetc ABSOLUTELY/LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL IN GENERAL OF ANY TYPE/WAY/FORM ETC, WHATEVER/HOWEVER IT IS/CAN BE, NO MATTER WHAT'S 'RELATED TO'/'ABOUT', 'FROM' LITERALLY ANYTHING ANYWHERE AT ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER IT IS AND A LARGE ETC, i simply just don't and that's it and i shouldn't be fucking forced/obligated to against my damn will just because i had no choice but to exist and 'come' 'here'/be 'brought' 'here' and 'be'/'become' 'something'/'someone', that was something "I" just couldn't control, and if "im" now "here" and "exist"/"am" "something"/"someone" and simply just don't care about it/aren't 'interested' in it (and don't want to anyway lol) and just don't want to whatever/however it is etc i simply just basically literally DONT and never will and there is NO reason at all and i shouldn't be forced to want to/want to want to uNlEsS i DoNt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN, THE RIGHT TO DIE HAS TO BE APPROVED FOR FUCK'S SAKE. im not "suffering" at all in any way about anything nor any type of "suffering"/"pain" at all nor any other reason at all like all of you, but just like all of you want the right to die meaning to end your suffering and be "at peace", I want to have the right to DIE/NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL and just not 'be' anything/anyone/anywhere at all. Its so frustrating to know how hard it is to exit.

If only to die/finally not exist you just had to press on a fucking button and not have to 'move' the 'meat suit' at all nor 'think'/'plan' ANYTHING at all...
*But ffs until the fucking house would be finally finished i wouldve had to fucking work and wait for many years, that would be the only 'disadvantage' but even though it's the only one it's not 'convincing' or whatever tf that means at all because jfc, too many years of 'wait' to finally have the damn house TO FINALLY ATTEMPT AND DIE THERE and would first have had to make the fucking effort of working/having a 'jOb' and all that crap to have the damn money for the damn house. Sigh i wish i could just go somewhere random and attempt/"ctb" ("catch" the ""bus"" to nothingness/non-existence) without having to fucking work to have/buy a fcking house to do it there nor having to risk my parents calling the police and trying to 'find' me then sending me to a fucking 'psych ward' because they've suspected that i left the house to kill myself, jfc why is it so hard to die. I only have these two options, its either attempt here in my parents' house and risk failing it and being sent to a 'psych ward'/'psychiatrist'/'psychologist' 'against' my 'will' and all that garbage that i NEITHER "want" nor "need" or have to fucking work (and wait until I've earned eNoUgH mOnEy for the house) for many years until i have the fucking house/apartment or whatever the damn fuck to FINALLY BE 'ABLE' TO ATTEMPT 'SAFELY' AND 'RELIABLY' AND 'SuCcEsSfUlLy' AND "WITHOUT ANY" OF THE RISKS THAT I'D HAVE TO DEAL WITH IF I ATTEMPT IN THIS 'HOUSE' AND NOT HAVE TO 'WORRY' ABOUT 'FAILING' OR NOT HAVING ANY MORE OPPORTUNITIES NOR ABOUT 'TRAUMATIZING' AND 'SHOCKING' MY PARENTS/FAMILY. sigh. It fucking requires so much fucking effort and motivation and all that crap and i just don't want to make any single fucking effort or whatever the fuck that means at all nor wait so many years. It's so damn frustrating how hard it is to finally not exist. If it was easy (and quick) i MORE than definitely wouldn't be "here" at all (nor anywhere else in general at all, i want eternal absolute nothingness and total non-existence, i don't want any type/form/way of 'existence'/'life'/'world'/'planet'/'consciousness' etc at all no matter how it is etc, I just dont and never will, as 'simple' as that, dont ask for a reason because there isn't any and has never been any and never will), i would've died a long time ago that's for sure

 

[Aloken]

Same. I wish I had a terminal disease right now so that I could die asap without doing anything and without the f****** guilt

 

[Silver]

Dying on purpose is hard, because of survival instinct, it's why so many of us have are still here...