Venting I wanna ctb but I'm too scared to actually do anything

[akira.kewl]

I don't know what to do, I have a plan all mapped out but I just can't bring myself to do it. I hear people talk about testing to make sure you know where your carotid is first — by pressing on it until you pass out/go limp, but I tried that and I backed out after applying mild pressure. If I'm too pussy to even do something where I know I'll be fine after, how will I ever take the leap to escape this hell I live in?

I can act as confident as I want in my mind, but when it comes down to it in the moment, I'm too mentally weak to really try anything. If I actually did try, I'd probably get scared and back out immediately. I hate this. I don't have any secret desire to keep going or anything, I've been wanting to do this my whole life, it's just scary to do anything, even if it won't hurt. Hhhhhhhwhhwrbbdbdsh why can't I be stronger like those who tried, even if they didn't succeed? How do you overcome such a strong survival instinct?

 

[Chemi]

That's the thing that makes me furious when normies say "suicide is the easy way out". Killing yourself is the furthest thing from easy...

 

[itsgone2]

I don't know what to tell you. I've given up and can't do it. It's awful.

 

[aerilana]

atp im just waiting for death to come naturally to me :D attempting/planning takes too much of my energy already and there's still no guarantee it will 100% take me out and i have to consider so many things before going through with it. living and dying are both so hard lol. i hope we find peace one day.

 

[deathisapanacea]

You are not alone in this ordeal, friend. In the last 18 months, I've been contemplating about suicide all the time and keep reading up about new methods and optimizing existing ones but I haven't even moved one inch closer towards actually doing the deed. If I continue on this trajectory, I fear I am gonna outlive all my "life positive" friends and relatives.

That's the thing that makes me furious when normies say "suicide is the easy way out". Killing yourself is the furthest thing from easy...

Even when I was not suicide the cliched statement "Suicide is a cowardly act" used to infuriate me so much.