Venting I tried to get better, failed miserably.

[certified_idiot]

So I've tried to stay away from SS for the past month or two, as I have been trying to get better. I was sent to the mental hospital on a 5150 for danger to self, and I stayed their for 72 hours. This happened after I told my therapist about my plans and how I might go through with them if I went home. I'm not going to detail my entire experience as other people have done that before, but feel free to ask me questions. I was definitely more stable when I came out than when I went in, so it worked in the short term. After that I got an actual psychiatrist, before that it was just my general doctor prescribing me meds, and I switched medications. I started going to therapy more regularly, and resisted the urge to self-harm.

After all that, I thought that I might be able to get better, but I haven't. I feel like I have to pretend to be better in order to not get sent back. It's fucking tiring, I feel like I've gotten worse now that everyone's watching me to make sure I don't try to CTB. As I said, I've been resisting the urge to self-harm for a little over a month, but I've gotten the urge to almost every night. I finally broke. I couldn't use a knife since my parents are watching those constantly, so I used a pin to break my skin. I almost forgot how good it felt to hurt myself.

I know that recovery takes time, and I'm not going to see that many changes in a month, but I'm not even sure if I want to recover anymore if this is what it feels like. Then again, this is an insomnia fueled rant written at 4:00 am, so we'll see how I feel in the morning.

 

[The Schizoid]

Hi. So, is all anyone is doing to support you is give you meds?

Are your MH professionals not giving you any therapy to try and resolve your mental health battles?

I personally would never accept a drug designed to aid mental health from a medical doctor when they are not trained to assess MH, but I'd consider it from a psychiatrist.

 

[certified_idiot]

Hi. So, is all anyone is doing to support you is give you meds?

Are your MH professionals not giving you any therapy to try and resolve your mental health battles?

I personally would never accept a drug designed to aid mental health from a medical doctor when they are not trained to assess MH, but I'd consider it from a psychiatrist.

I am going to therapy, but I only started recently, so I haven't seen any results yet.

Back when I first accepted meds from my doctor, I was doing it to help with anxiety, and I got results, so I just kept taking them.

 

[The Schizoid]

I am going to therapy, but I only started recently, so I haven't seen any results yet.

Back when I first accepted meds from my doctor, I was doing it to help with anxiety, and I got results, so I just kept taking them.

Fair enough. Good luck.

I personally believe only people who have tried hard to get better are justified in committing suicide, because the thing that we all want deep down is a good life. We don't want to die but we just don't want to suffer any longer.