I took a significant step in my plan to catch the bus today...

[LostAngler]

,,,and I'm feeling overwhelmed by emotions that I cannot share with anyone, less I get locked up.

My most elaborate plan to catch the bus is to do so in a foreign country and in order to enact my plan, earlier today, I applied to renew my passport. It should arrive within the first two weeks of October and the date I've settled on is close to the end of September. As long as I can save up enough money to buy a plane ticket and a visa (feasible in the next eight weeks), I can totally do it.

As I was leaving, I was feeling a mixture of fulfillment for having gotten a task I've been building up to done, one I'd been putting off and is generally a good and useful thing to have.

But now I'm also feeling immensely sad and full of despair that it's come to this and that it's real, wondering if I can or should actually do this and I cannot tell anyone.

 

[Timothy7dff]

If you tell someone, they can involuntarily lock you up.

 

[BlackCatCrossing]

If you're still capable of feeling emotions then you're still capable of a lot. (Like experiencing love and getting better).

I would keep an even keeled mindset.

Don't book a flight yet. : )

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[athiestjoe]

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, that sounds extremely tough. For me I plan to CTB when I feel confident, stable and level headed so that I can go in serenity & peace. I wish you nothing but the best whichever way things turn out. And you can talk here about what's going on so you are telling people except unlike people you know in person you wont get put in a psych hold for feeling this way because we understand. You don't need to rush into anything, take your time, and it is absolutely okay to change your mind, no shame in that whatsoever. Whatever you decide though I hope you find whatever you may be looking for.