I told my boyfriend about my urge to ctb and this is what he said

[LittleMagician]

I don't even know how to respond to this…he sent this paragraph:

Not being alive will mean, no relationship between me and you, no future house together, no future game sessions together, no cooking together, no baking together, no fooling around together, no having fun together, no laughing together, no nothing. There won't be anything for you to enjoy. And I've just listed things to do with me, there are millions of other reasons with your family for example that you would never get to experience again. We keep having this conversation, but you need to be more optimistic about things instead of always being so negative about everything. You're not a failure. You're not worthless. Do you really think I would be in love with the version you have created for yourself? NO, of course not. I am in love with the version I have experienced, and the version I have created of you, because I love you so so much, I want to do EVERYTHING with you, literally everything

I just feel so guilty and loss for words

 

[TheLightOfMyLife]

Don't feel guilty. It isn't your fault that you feel the way you do. All he is trying to do is to show you that he loves you and that you would be missed. There is no judgement in his words, and I'm sure that if anything he is glad you told him. He clearly wants to be there to support you.

 

[Darkover]

do you know what the root cause is for you being suicidal clearly isn't a lack of a relationship

 

[ForestGhost]

I hope you don't feel guilty. I think something he may not appreciate is that in spite of the wonderful things you have in your life, mental illness can leave you feeling unworthy of it all. It's not your fault for believing that. I would take this as a gesture that he loves you and wants the best for you, and he will clearly be there for you as long as you choose to stay around. But your own feelings aren't invalid either -- not to say that the negative thoughts are right, of course, just that you aren't in any way to blame for them. Sending hugs.

 

[northevelyn]

There's a lot of love in his words, but I know how isolating depression can be. I'm having similar conversations with my partner and they are so hard. I feel so much shame for hurting them.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

It sounds like he really loves and cares about you. Maybe the "We keep having this conversation, but you need to be more optimistic about things instead of always being so negative about everything." bit is kind of insensitive, but he doesn't mean it to be cruel, he just likely doesn't understand how hard that it to do as a depressed person. It sounds like you may not be able to recover just on your own, do you think you might be able to see a doctor or therapist about how you feel? You don't need to tell them you feel suicidal, you can just say that you feel very miserable and hopeless all the time and it will still help you get the assistance you need. I hope you can find a way to enjoy life again, we are here for you! <3

 

[deadstillwalking]

They may not be fully aware of what you're going through but they beautifully let you know that they truly care for you. You're incredibly lucky to have such a kind partner, I wish the best to the both of you