i thought i was over him lol

[chad2018]

title. i had a pretty short term boyfriend (~6 months) who was my first love, a few years ago. a few months after we broke up we started talking again and became friends, of course i still had feelings, but we both found other people and eventually i moved on and got over him and we had a normal and close friendship.

none of the relationships i pursued lasted, either bc i wasn't into them, or because they weren't into me, regardless i'm now single and i don't hate it. but i still get these huge pangs of sadness when my ex talks to me about his new gf (who he's been with for about a year) and how they're not going to break up after college, and how happy he is. it's been a long time but i feel like these thoughts resurface sometimes-- why couldn't it have been me? why is she "better" than me and why is he good to her in ways that he never was to me?

i generally don't believe the bs about people loving each other but relationships not working out for other reasons. unless it's something really big (differences on having kids, unavoidable differences in career trajectory or physical location, etc) i think that if 2 people do really love each other, they are willing to sacrifice a lot to be with each other, that is what unconditional love is, the way a parent is willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of their child's well being, simply because they love them so much.

i was ready to sacrifice everything for him but he could never do that for me. it doesn't really matter, nor does it bother me enough to impact how i feel/function daily, but i would be lying if i didn't say that these thoughts cross my mind every so often and when they do, it hurts.

 

[Linda]

That all sounds 100% normal to me. Welcome to the human race. Most people experience something like that at least once in their life. It isn't pleasant, and it's hard to deal with at the time. But eventually it all sort of fades into the background, and you can get on with life as before. My advice: just wait. You will feel better in a few months time, and a lot better by this time next year.

 

[eleanora]

I have an ex like that too. It was my first serious relationship and I was head over heels for him. We were long distance most of the time due to pandemic and inability to travel, but it didn't matter to me really. We made some great memories anyway, distance didn't feel like an obstacle. I told him about my life and all of the horrible events that happened to me over time. He said that he cried that night when I told him about it, because he was upset he couldn't help me right now. I felt like it was true love and that maybe he would be my savior, the one to finally help me to get out of abusive family. I thought he really cared. Well turns out he didn't. Suddenly one day he told me that he has some urgent private matters to deal with alone, refused to share them and broke up with me after week of pure emotional abuse. He completely abandoned me after it. It broke me for next 2 years. I was naive 16 year old girl then, he was 19. I found out he had a new girlfriend soon after it. Tbh it still hurts when I remember him, it all felt so real.

I also think like you, that if two people really love each other, then they are willing to do anything to be together. My current boyfriend proved me it. Despite my depression, mood swings, horrible attitude at times, he is still there for me and actually cares for me. He is SO much better than my ex in every single way. But it still hurts that I wasted so much time, feelings and tears on my ex.

My advice for you is to limit contact with your ex.
Honestly, if I was still in touch with my ex, then I would never ever move on and allow myself to fall in love again.

I hope you will find your other half soon like I did, you deserve to experience unconditional love.