F27 Philippines please if you have info where I can find SN that would be great, or any success stories to share? (Private conversations are welcome) i want friends T.T
My Bipolar 2 diagnosis has made me realize that every time I feel like I can be happy and have hope is basically a lie. Because I always come back down in dumps and each time it keeps getting worse. I feel so bad because I am nothing but a burden to everyone around me. So much guilt and pain. I also have so much trauma it's so difficult to function in life. Never been employed, dependent on my partner and I feel bad because I feel like he should definitely break up with me and save himself but for some reason he stays. He's a great guy but that doesn't matter. Im still unhappy, will never be capable of feeling loved and secure enough to be healthy. He's getting sick of me I just feel like he's too kind to break up with me. And I can't do it myself because I rely on him financially and I really love him, I just feel like I suck and don't deserve it lol. Sometimes, I get so energized to try something as an attempt to get better and recover and it feels great but nothing everrr works.
Anyways, I really want to die man. I want quick and painless. Less trauma as possible for my loved ones. So ideally travel somewhere and take SN in a river or something. I think this time I will make a real plan. Every time I see a psychiatrist Or therapist I feel like even they dont believe there is no hope for me OR they dont see how much I am truly struggling. :) it's hard to take it seriously when I am also very jolly excited and happy when Im hypomanic. I isolate when I'm depressed nobody needs to see that. Only my partner (poor him) and some online friends but I'm so sick of doing this to them. I'm thanks for let me rant hehe ive been depressed for as long as I can remember. Always day dreaming about getting killed and not exist. Truly I wish my mom's abortion attempt was successful.. Suicide is scary because I don't want to fail and I'm a coward so firearms, hanging or cutting isn't an option. I need to consume something that will work hundred percent. Gotta lock in on planning :D I hate feeling!!!!
My Bipolar 2 diagnosis has made me realize that every time I feel like I can be happy and have hope is basically a lie. Because I always come back down in dumps and each time it keeps getting worse. I feel so bad because I am nothing but a burden to everyone around me. So much guilt and pain. I also have so much trauma it's so difficult to function in life. Never been employed, dependent on my partner and I feel bad because I feel like he should definitely break up with me and save himself but for some reason he stays. He's a great guy but that doesn't matter. Im still unhappy, will never be capable of feeling loved and secure enough to be healthy. He's getting sick of me I just feel like he's too kind to break up with me. And I can't do it myself because I rely on him financially and I really love him, I just feel like I suck and don't deserve it lol. Sometimes, I get so energized to try something as an attempt to get better and recover and it feels great but nothing everrr works.
Anyways, I really want to die man. I want quick and painless. Less trauma as possible for my loved ones. So ideally travel somewhere and take SN in a river or something. I think this time I will make a real plan. Every time I see a psychiatrist Or therapist I feel like even they dont believe there is no hope for me OR they dont see how much I am truly struggling. :) it's hard to take it seriously when I am also very jolly excited and happy when Im hypomanic. I isolate when I'm depressed nobody needs to see that. Only my partner (poor him) and some online friends but I'm so sick of doing this to them. I'm thanks for let me rant hehe ive been depressed for as long as I can remember. Always day dreaming about getting killed and not exist. Truly I wish my mom's abortion attempt was successful.. Suicide is scary because I don't want to fail and I'm a coward so firearms, hanging or cutting isn't an option. I need to consume something that will work hundred percent. Gotta lock in on planning :D I hate feeling!!!!
