First of ass, that's so weird. I'm conscious about stuff and like I know for most people dying and suiciding is bad, I know that I have some reasons to not want to, but at the same time I will.. That's so weird how I can be conscious about those things while still doing them intentionally..? Or by need, or I don't know why else.
Now, I think I've lost my only one. My only light in the dark, my only comforting voice, my only reason in this world, my best friend. I'm very.. Attentive I guess, about the way people talk, act, I pay attention to all of those little details that no one cares about but that make differences for me. I best friended so hard that I became emotionally dependant, not helping with my attention. And because of the latter, I honestly think I've lost my only one. I've realised, or at least came to the conclusion myself that my only one wasn't talking with me, but just answering. Answering++ at best. But if I vanish, I won't be noticed for a week or so, whereas we-I- talk everyday otherwise. From the hints I think intentionally ignored at this point, how am I suppose to have hope in my only one.. Well, I don't really anymore. My only one knows what hurts me and quite clumsily does them. Never did before. Now I really feel alone. I'd vent for hours and hours to my only one, now I'm venting here, I never thought I'd do so.. But here I am, and it's doing something to me at least. I don't know if it's relief, finding that there are actually people in this world or anything else, but.. Yeah. I've lost my only one..
Now, I think I've lost my only one. My only light in the dark, my only comforting voice, my only reason in this world, my best friend. I'm very.. Attentive I guess, about the way people talk, act, I pay attention to all of those little details that no one cares about but that make differences for me. I best friended so hard that I became emotionally dependant, not helping with my attention. And because of the latter, I honestly think I've lost my only one. I've realised, or at least came to the conclusion myself that my only one wasn't talking with me, but just answering. Answering++ at best. But if I vanish, I won't be noticed for a week or so, whereas we-I- talk everyday otherwise. From the hints I think intentionally ignored at this point, how am I suppose to have hope in my only one.. Well, I don't really anymore. My only one knows what hurts me and quite clumsily does them. Never did before. Now I really feel alone. I'd vent for hours and hours to my only one, now I'm venting here, I never thought I'd do so.. But here I am, and it's doing something to me at least. I don't know if it's relief, finding that there are actually people in this world or anything else, but.. Yeah. I've lost my only one..
