technicallyAlive
Member
- Nov 29, 2023
- 50
I always thought I'd be suicidal until the day i died but then over the course of the past year I'd wake up and gradually i just noticed like. Wow suicide isn't the first thing I think about when i wake up nor is it the LAST thing I think about before bed. I felt better for a little bit but then i started making an active effort to participate in life and it just got worse.
I try to make friends wherever I go, I think I've honestly grown a bit since I'm not doing a horrible job but i dunno. And since I'm starting to hang out with more people I've gotten more insecure I guess. Not suicidal, I want to live but jeez.
Caring sucks really bad. I care about my appearance now, and fashion and clothes and makeup and i suck at all of it. Now I'm struggling with an eating disorder which feels shameful to say since I'm not even skinny like that, like it feels like i havent earned the title of "anorexic" even though i know damn well i have… and since i started feeling better and wanting to live I'm hit with all these other problems and now its like i remember why i wanted to kill myself in the first place.
and now I'm back to sasu trying to figure out if i should just kill myself or keep starving until im skinny enough.
and elaboration on the title like ive been suicidal for six years straight like I've never gotten better until recently and now its kinda getting bad again?? I've never relapsed in anything before so idk
I try to make friends wherever I go, I think I've honestly grown a bit since I'm not doing a horrible job but i dunno. And since I'm starting to hang out with more people I've gotten more insecure I guess. Not suicidal, I want to live but jeez.
Caring sucks really bad. I care about my appearance now, and fashion and clothes and makeup and i suck at all of it. Now I'm struggling with an eating disorder which feels shameful to say since I'm not even skinny like that, like it feels like i havent earned the title of "anorexic" even though i know damn well i have… and since i started feeling better and wanting to live I'm hit with all these other problems and now its like i remember why i wanted to kill myself in the first place.
and now I'm back to sasu trying to figure out if i should just kill myself or keep starving until im skinny enough.
and elaboration on the title like ive been suicidal for six years straight like I've never gotten better until recently and now its kinda getting bad again?? I've never relapsed in anything before so idk
