NoOneLovesMiMi
Just Me
- May 27, 2023
- 114
I thought I was going back to work today just to find out I wasn't.
All of a sudden I thought....you're so upset at yourself for not attempting suicide during the Pandemic.
My intuition is telling me that this suspension at my job is bogus.
So what if this is all happening because this is my time.
Before I would do my best to plan it out but around my job.
Well no one in my family knows I'm suspended and they are occupied dealing with my sister's new mental health diagnosis.
My plan is to drink antifreeze and according to my research I would be dead in 3 days.
All of a sudden this stillness has come over me where my courage is getting stronger.
I think back to when I was a preteen.
I was home alone.
I took insecticide spray and mixed it in my drink and drunk it.
I recall the bravery I had.
No fear just ready to die.
Well I'm trying to embody that little girl that knew better.
I'm trying to clear any hate, anger and ill feelings I have because I don't want my death and attempting to be focused around those things.
I want it to be strictly because I genuinely do not enjoy life.
I don't wanna go back to a job where I'm nit picked with, dealing with victims who antagonize and are disrespectful, drain what little energy I have.
I don't have family and never have and I no longer want to cope with that.
I seem to have this cloud of doom that follows me.
I'm invisible but yet I attract negative energy.
There's nothing about my life that I love or enjoy.
So this seems to be my window.
I have plenty of time.
No one knows I'm home.
And it's not unusual for me to go days to weeks of not speaking to my mom so nothing will seem out of the ordinary.
I just need to take the first step of getting the antifreeze which won't look suspicious.
I have some money so I plan on ordering a DNR necklace or bracelet just incase.
I just pray that this time because I won't cry out for attention no one will find me.
I pray it won't be too painful.
I pray that I am successful and take my throne in heaven where I belong.
All of a sudden I thought....you're so upset at yourself for not attempting suicide during the Pandemic.
My intuition is telling me that this suspension at my job is bogus.
So what if this is all happening because this is my time.
Before I would do my best to plan it out but around my job.
Well no one in my family knows I'm suspended and they are occupied dealing with my sister's new mental health diagnosis.
My plan is to drink antifreeze and according to my research I would be dead in 3 days.
All of a sudden this stillness has come over me where my courage is getting stronger.
I think back to when I was a preteen.
I was home alone.
I took insecticide spray and mixed it in my drink and drunk it.
I recall the bravery I had.
No fear just ready to die.
Well I'm trying to embody that little girl that knew better.
I'm trying to clear any hate, anger and ill feelings I have because I don't want my death and attempting to be focused around those things.
I want it to be strictly because I genuinely do not enjoy life.
I don't wanna go back to a job where I'm nit picked with, dealing with victims who antagonize and are disrespectful, drain what little energy I have.
I don't have family and never have and I no longer want to cope with that.
I seem to have this cloud of doom that follows me.
I'm invisible but yet I attract negative energy.
There's nothing about my life that I love or enjoy.
So this seems to be my window.
I have plenty of time.
No one knows I'm home.
And it's not unusual for me to go days to weeks of not speaking to my mom so nothing will seem out of the ordinary.
I just need to take the first step of getting the antifreeze which won't look suspicious.
I have some money so I plan on ordering a DNR necklace or bracelet just incase.
I just pray that this time because I won't cry out for attention no one will find me.
I pray it won't be too painful.
I pray that I am successful and take my throne in heaven where I belong.
