I think I’m just unfit to be human

[SummerChristmasEve]

I do not have the mental fortitude to keep existing. I'm genuinely addicted to lying in bed all day, and I have been for almost 4 years. There is absolutely no desire in me for a future, for a purpose or for dreams. I am hyper aware of the fact that it's an addiction, and at the same time I can't put my phone down. I can't get out of bed. Sometimes I wish I had a real addiction, so at least I'd have a real chemical dependency rather than pure laziness.

I've thought about just getting approved for a credit card, blowing the money and ctb, but I don't even know what I would do. Where I'd want to go.

Part of me feels like my death is just natural selection doing its thing. If an animal is unfit to survive in an environment, it dies. What makes me any different from an animal? I don't even want to survive. Even if I did manage to hustle, get a degree, and work super hard to establish myself, what then? What was it for? I have literally never been good at being human. I've always been lazy, put stuff off, gotten addicted to stupid shit, put off working hard and being disciplined. It's like the right answer is right in front of you but you just won't take it.

Sometimes I wish I could just rot til I die guilt free. Then at least I'd enjoy it. It's like sleeping all day is the closest I can get to dying without the actual effort to ctb.

I can't even imagine what it would feel like to live with a chronic illness or live in poverty and constantly have to work to survive on top of being addicted/depressed. I feel like I've been dealt pretty good cards in life that I just completely wasted. People probably dream to have the opportunities that I've wasted, and I feel so guilty about that as well. It's like logically my existence has taken away resources that people could have actually used. I got a scholarship to college that could have been life changing for someone who was actually dedicated to learning, but I stole that from someone.

 

[barelyholdingon]

As someone with substance abuse history you definitely don't want an addiction like that. But I understand what you're saying if a dog is sick you put it down. I'm a sick dog that needs a bullet to the brain

 

[Eternal Disaster]

I also feel that. My human life is a disaster. I am not fit to be one.

 

[SummerChristmasEve]

As someone with substance abuse history you definitely don't want an addiction like that. But I understand what you're saying if a dog is sick you put it down. I'm a sick dog that needs a bullet to the brain

Yeah, I understand what you mean, but I wish there was a rehab for what I'm dealing with. I've read that screen addiction affects the brain in similar ways to heroine addiction. I'll probably have dementia or something early in life because of how rotted my brain is. I literally forget my name if someone asks me on the spot. Genuinely. If there are no cars on the road I'll randomly forget which side I'm supposed to drive on. It's like I'm slowly losing my mind. It just doesn't feel as legitimate as a real substance issue.

I don't mean to downplay or discredit substance abuse at all, though. If that's how I came off.

 

[promapicide]

I'm in the exact same boat. I hope things get better for you, but even if they don't just know that we're here for you

 

[badatparties]

Sadly, that is normal. Millions of people in this hell realm feel the same, so you're not alone. We live in an environment that is messed up and not conducive to our well being, so of course we're not fucking happy.

Best thing humanity can do is starve the system and not birth anymore people for the system to feed on. But most people are fully asleep, question nothing, and will continue to feed the matrix.

 

[katara]

I'm similar to you except without the opportunity. I can't go to college as I never graduated high school. I don't connect with people, or they don't connect with me. People just don't really value me and I feel like i live in the wrong place or wrong timeline or something. I'm not good at anything, I have no hobbies, no talents, no money, and then I come on here and people talk about their dates, vacations, and I'm like why does nobody here understand what it's like? If I had a normal life like some of the ppl on here do I wouldn't be in such a bad place.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wonder about this. Both a friend and myself can be very dedicated. They used to get up at 5am for work! I frequently work upwards of a 70 hour week. Yet, when we don't have that work, both of us will struggle to get out of bed. I can easily just spend the entire day or, few days on my phone or, playing games. With no incentive to do otherwise, I will just waste time.

My parents and grandparents are/ were different. They always get up early and they always do all their chores before relaxing. They feel/ felt a far greater need to be house/ garden proud. To look smart and respectable.

I suppose it's a mixture of having things expected of us- and feeling so much pressure from those expectations or fear of the consequences of not doing those things, that we do them. Or, we have a genuine interest in pursuing a goal.

It's not exactly someone's fault if they don't have that ambition/ drive though. I'm not sure it's something you can force yourself to have. Plus, it's hard not to feel resentful when we are pushed into things we don't like doing.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

"I do not have the mental fortitude to keep existing."

So, you're beating yourself up because you don't fit in an insane world designed to destroy stable mental health? You WANT to fit into THIS world?

 

[Off_Switch]

You're not imagining things. And most definitely aren't alone. The current state of the world will not accommodate most people that just want to live normally. It's now built for criminals, thugs and degenerates to thrive and forever will be. I predict that suicides rates will spike significantly worldwide in the next few years. Those that choose to stay and suffer will be be more likely abstain from having children than procreating and the population graph will enter the other side of the bell curve.

Hopefully, in time, the only people left will the horrible ones. And they can all have a grand old time killing each other off.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

You're not imagining things. And most definitely aren't alone. The current state of the world will not accommodate most people that just want to live normally. It's now built for criminals, thugs and degenerates to thrive and forever will be. I predict that suicides rates will spike significantly worldwide in the next few years. Those that choose to stay and suffer will be be more likely abstain from having children than procreating and the population graph will enter the other side of the bell curve.

Hopefully, in time, the only people left will the horrible ones. And they can all have a grand old time killing each other off.

Exactly. Humanity is in free fall. It's basically just a bunch of cave people who can wear hats and halfway wipe their asses clean. If there was ever a silver lining to be seen from COVID-19, it tore the masks off of a lot of myths that humans deluded themselves with. A precious soul cannot be content in such a world.

 

[usernamesarehard]

I do not have the mental fortitude to keep existing.

Me neither. I'm not suicidal because I'm depressed, I'm depressed because I'm suicidal. Most of my life has been disappointment and rejection and coping with the disappointment and rejection. I have no cope now. And I'm unable to find new ones. I just want death atp.

There is absolutely no desire in me for a future, for a purpose or for dreams.

I really want to get married and move to the suburbs or country. I'm coming to accept that probably won't happen. I have nothing else that I want. I don't care about money or status or power. Getting a ton of money is all luck. It doesn't matter how other people see me, I'll always hate myself. I've never had any power over anything and I never will.

I've thought about just getting approved for a credit card, blowing the money and ctb, but I don't even know what I would do. Where I'd want to go.

I asked a bunch of my coworkers what they would do if they had a month left to live. I think if I had a month left (assuming I'm dying to suicide) I'd just keep going to work. I don't feel that I actually have the courage to do it. I say this to say, I don't know what I'd do either. I guess I'd travel and read. But anything beyond that is pointless and won't actually mean anything to me.

Part of me feels like my death is just natural selection doing its thing. If an animal is unfit to survive in an environment, it dies. What makes me any different from an animal? I don't even want to survive. Even if I did manage to hustle, get a degree, and work super hard to establish myself, what then? What was it for?

Yeah I feel this way too. It makes doing school work hard because, why bother? There's no guarantee I'd even get a job, let alone a job in a different state. I don't really care about getting the degree.