I think im hanging myself Sat night. Over 2 years of beddridden crippling depression.

[FuneralCry]

It's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering and torture in existing, it sounds like you've suffered so much, I hope you find peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I wish you all the best and good luck

 

[itsgone2]

I spend 95% of time in my bed, don't get dressed, can't even shower and barely eat and my body is wasting away. I have zero enjoyment of anything. I am a shell of who I once was.

I don't really have much to say, other than I understand and going through this too. Life isn't fair and all but living like this seems especially cruel.

 

[Flubber]

Are you able to share what made you reach your suicidal breaking point today?

 

[Irisse]

I'm sorry that it has come to this. I wish you a painless and peaceful departure.

 

[cloud;.]

Whatever you decide... I hope it brings you some kind of peace.

 

[TBONTB]

I always enjoy you when I see you here. I'm so sorry for your suffering.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I knew a woman who also experienced severe depression. MAO inhibitors helped for for a while, then they stopped working. It was still a couple of good years that she felt somewhat better. Have you tried MAO inhibitors? Personally I have no problem with CTB with hanging, but my concerns are: How painful is it? and will it be 100% successful? That are the 2 questions that haunt me. I wish you the best with whatever you decide.

Yes tried MAOI's ty

 

[claracatchingthebus]

Im so sorry. I wish you could at least try shrooms before you go

@divinemistress36 I completely agree with this. @dust-in-the-wind has tried and done everything the way a depressed person is supposed to. If she's this intent (and I've never read a post of hers that seems so intent), why not try something more experimental? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202309/how-magic-mushrooms-can-fix-depression

There has been good data about mushrooms too recently. It's not the same as ketamine, perhaps it would help. I just think there are more experimental, less orthodox things that could be tried... @dust-in-the-wind said stimulants don't work and don't jolt her out of things. Perhaps something else more experimental would?

And I saw this because @dust-in-the-wind is completely healthy aside from depression; it's not like there are other problems, the depression is the problem, from everything I've read.

@dust-in-the-wind if you are reading this, it's worth considering. You could also hospitalize yourself if you aren't against locked facilities and want to try something experimental but are overwhelmed with sadness. I'm sorry to say all these things if they are not helping. I get a sense from your post that you're a really sensible and nice person and relate to your experiences and am really sad about things being so challenging lately.

 

[echoedleaf]

i hope you find peace

 

[TBONTB]

Thinking of you.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

You're one of my favorite people on here. This sucks. I'll be devastated if you do it, but understand the struggle.

Thank you Clara and for your PM. I appreciate the info.

Are you able to share what made you reach your suicidal breaking point today?

I don't really know. I've just because extra suicidal this week where I can't tolerate being alive anymore. I'm always on and off different meds, so maybe something to do with that. But even so I have still wanted to die for the last 2 years this is just the push I needed to finally do it.

Are you able to share what made you reach your suicidal breaking point today?

I don't really know. I'm just because extra suicidal this week where I can't tolerate being alive anymore. I'm always on and off different meds, so maybe something to do with that. But even so I have still wanted to die for the last 2 years this is just the push I needed to finally do it.

 

[LetMeOut67]

I understand your agony, truly

 

[dodo11]

56(f) life long major depressive episodes with years of remission in between where thankfully I was able to enjoy some of my life. This 2 year episode is the longest and worst. I've tried over 20+med, IV Ketamine and ECT, 2 hospitalizations and therapy. I spend 95% of time in my bed, don't get dressed, can't even shower and barely eat and my body is wasting away. I have zero enjoyment of anything. I am a shell of who I once was. I have a good life but mentally illness doesn't care. My BF gave me his blessing to ctb(just not in the house). My sister and doctor just say don't give up and my mom is clueless and doesn't believe in mental illness. Anyway I own a business rental property and plan on hanging myself behind the garage Sat night. It has a deck i can hang from that faces the woods. I will leave a note for my BF so my body gets found Sunday and doesn't interfere with business on Monday. I don't want to die but I cannot live like this any longer. It has been such torture and I hit my suicidal breaking point today. Something must be seriously wrong with my brain because I've never heard of anyone being this depressed. Thanks for reading.

I'm so sorry that Ketamine and ECT didn't work. That's so disappointing. It seems like you've tried everything and you're out of options. I don't have any advice, there is nothing I can really say to help. Virtual hugs is all I have to offer. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope that your suffering ends soon.

 

[madameviolette]

I have bipolar 2 and its been so hard to just get up and move. People say "well, just force yourself" but you can't. I also tried ketamine IV which I did enjoy the experience but 3-4 months later I was back to being deeply depressed. I wish you peace. I plan to CTB soon via SN.

Hey plzoffme, I saw that you tried to CTB from fentanyl, how did it go ?

 

[It'sMyLife]

Hi dust-in-the-wind. I'm sorry you're at this point and hate to read it because you're always so thoughtful in your replies to everyone. I know you're tired and mad too that you feel like you do. You said you're always trying different meds. Have you considered getting off of all psychiatric meds? At this point what would it hurt to try? To me you seem like a person who should not be in this mental state. I don't want to sound like im oversimplifying your situation though and I respect your choice to decide your own fate. Our medical system is so quick to start people on antidepressants and then keep adding more and more. If it was me I'd get off of everything. You shouldn't feel this bad. It's not natural but I'm not a doctor and don't want to try to convince anyone what they should do or not do. What I will try to do is give you some different information

I'm going to put a link and suggest searching the site for more information on the topic. I have read this man since around 2000 and he's always years ahead of everyone else. He's caught hell for this too.. I hope this information can take you in a different direction. I wish you could also get with a different kind of doctor such as osteopathic one. Sending you hopeful hugs.

Try These Tips to Help Manage Depression Better

If you're still using antidepressants, there may be better options for you. Here are my top tips to help you manage depression without relying on medication.

articles.mercola.com

 

[claracatchingthebus]

Thinking of you today...

 

[Kitsune_BCN]

Im thinking about you today, dust in the wind

I hope everything is fast and u get what u were looking for.

 

[itsgone2]

Anyway I own a business rental property and plan on hanging myself behind the garage Sat night.

I would like to tonight as well but I won't. I wish you peace in whatever you decide.

 

[anonymousperson]

Wishing you the best. Hope it brings you peace if it's what you decide to do.

I feel similar in the too depressed to do anything (I rely on stimulant to do my job). In fact, may suicide ways seem just too effortful to me that I just sleep bc its an escape from life.