Venting i think im doing it this time

[5_5]

(19, f, south america)

i have no plans for the future. no aspirations. nothing im good at. im just living every day on autopilot, getting high and trying to enjoy life every once in a while. i don't have a job, i dont even go to uni anymore. i just pretend to go and lie to my parents about my grades being good and my exams going well. i stopped caring. i dont care about my future. im too lazy to try to do anything about it anymore. its like i gave up on life. im even too lazy to shoot myself. i have the gun, i'd have to think about the place and time, but everything else is settled. i'd just delete all my social media and write a letter apologizing. i just need a sign. i know it's happening soon. i just wanna stop all this bullshit. i can't even bother to tell my best friend or parents or reach out for help. its over

 

[offbalance]

guns are a scary method unless you practice a lot, because you can always flinch at the last second and fuck it up. Just FYI

 

[5_5]

guns are a scary method unless you practice a lot, because you can always flinch at the last second and fuck it up. Just FYI

ty for the heads up

 

[Fleisch]

I hope you'll find peace one way or the other, just be very careful not to hurt yourself more.

 

[darksouls]

however you decide, I wish you the best, I hope you find relief from suffering

 

[whyyyyyyyy]

Here's a hypothetical response to your post, not giving advice, but here is just a fictional perspective's subjective response to what you wrote:

Your description was exactly me at your age. I'm 24 and all I can say is- do it.

You're doing great, you've already got a plan. If you don't, I can pretty much promise from personal experience that it gets worse. Your parents will sooner or later find out you're lying about academic performance and stop supporting you and will never trust you or see you really as a kid again. It hurts. You may get kicked out by them, but either way you'll have to go into some kind of full time wage slavery just to survive and justify your existence. You'll have no free time, feel exhausted, and feel like you have to slam your head against a wall for 8 hours a day just to be able to eat. Either that or you'll have to tolerate some horrible man so that he supports you. Yuck

There is no rest. Your body gets older, you see your situation get bleaker and bleaker. You just feel crushed. You'll think about suicide daily. Careful with loving getting high and procrastinating so much that you never get around to ending yourself. Stop getting high and try to think clearly about what you want to do. If you put off killing yourself, you'll end up having to quit getting high eventually, and end up regretting that you did it, even though it was the most fun you've ever had. You have a chance to avoid this less-than-enjoyable experience if you just kill yourself.

You can fess up to your parents and find a real path in life, and if there's truly something that you're passionate about and speaks to you, that could make life worth living. If that something can be part of a lifestyle where you can support yourself and others. But if you are really apathetic, then the odds are you'll just drag lukewarmly through your whole life, just dragging by, like you are now. Not excelling or really interested anything, living for momentary distractions and pleasure. It never ends, you never find satisfaction.

I weirdly respect that you've got a coherent plan at an earlier age than I did. Maybe let this is your sign. I can't tell you what to do or give you advice, but maybe there's never a perfect time, and the longer you wait, the longer you'll have to continue to endure, whereas the less you weight, the more you'll be spared. Good luck amiga

 

[58Alice85]

i am jealous that you have a gun
deepthroating a shotty and repainting the ceiling seems like heaven compared with this partial hanging bulls***
anyway good luck
on the news in my country (i live in europe) are constantly police reports about south american ships being intercepted full with cocaine and the crew going to prison for life lmao

 

[setspiritfree]

Here's a hypothetical response to your post, not giving advice, but here is just a fictional perspective's subjective response to what you wrote:

Your description was exactly me at your age. I'm 24 and all I can say is- do it.

You're doing great, you've already got a plan. If you don't, I can pretty much promise from personal experience that it gets worse. Your parents will sooner or later find out you're lying about academic performance and stop supporting you and will never trust you or see you really as a kid again. It hurts. You may get kicked out by them, but either way you'll have to go into some kind of full time wage slavery just to survive and justify your existence. You'll have no free time, feel exhausted, and feel like you have to slam your head against a wall for 8 hours a day just to be able to eat. Either that or you'll have to tolerate some horrible man so that he supports you. Yuck

There is no rest. Your body gets older, you see your situation get bleaker and bleaker. You just feel crushed. You'll think about suicide daily. Careful with loving getting high and procrastinating so much that you never get around to ending yourself. Stop getting high and try to think clearly about what you want to do. If you put off killing yourself, you'll end up having to quit getting high eventually, and end up regretting that you did it, even though it was the most fun you've ever had. You have a chance to avoid this less-than-enjoyable experience if you just kill yourself.

You can fess up to your parents and find a real path in life, and if there's truly something that you're passionate about and speaks to you, that could make life worth living. If that something can be part of a lifestyle where you can support yourself and others. But if you are really apathetic, then the odds are you'll just drag lukewarmly through your whole life, just dragging by, like you are now. Not excelling or really interested anything, living for momentary distractions and pleasure. It never ends, you never find satisfaction.

I weirdly respect that you've got a coherent plan at an earlier age than I did. Maybe let this is your sign. I can't tell you what to do or give you advice, but maybe there's never a perfect time, and the longer you wait, the longer you'll have to continue to endure, whereas the less you weight, the more you'll be spared. Good luck amiga

Wow, this is Blount and to the point. I guess we need that sometimes. For someone to be brutally honest with us. Thanks for that. I know what I must do and am getting closer and closer. I need this to be done once and for all. Thanks for your honesty.

 

[whybother2002]

Here's a hypothetical response to your post, not giving advice, but here is just a fictional perspective's subjective response to what you wrote:

Your description was exactly me at your age. I'm 24 and all I can say is- do it.

You're doing great, you've already got a plan. If you don't, I can pretty much promise from personal experience that it gets worse. Your parents will sooner or later find out you're lying about academic performance and stop supporting you and will never trust you or see you really as a kid again. It hurts. You may get kicked out by them, but either way you'll have to go into some kind of full time wage slavery just to survive and justify your existence. You'll have no free time, feel exhausted, and feel like you have to slam your head against a wall for 8 hours a day just to be able to eat. Either that or you'll have to tolerate some horrible man so that he supports you. Yuck

There is no rest. Your body gets older, you see your situation get bleaker and bleaker. You just feel crushed. You'll think about suicide daily. Careful with loving getting high and procrastinating so much that you never get around to ending yourself. Stop getting high and try to think clearly about what you want to do. If you put off killing yourself, you'll end up having to quit getting high eventually, and end up regretting that you did it, even though it was the most fun you've ever had. You have a chance to avoid this less-than-enjoyable experience if you just kill yourself.

You can fess up to your parents and find a real path in life, and if there's truly something that you're passionate about and speaks to you, that could make life worth living. If that something can be part of a lifestyle where you can support yourself and others. But if you are really apathetic, then the odds are you'll just drag lukewarmly through your whole life, just dragging by, like you are now. Not excelling or really interested anything, living for momentary distractions and pleasure. It never ends, you never find satisfaction.

I weirdly respect that you've got a coherent plan at an earlier age than I did. Maybe let this is your sign. I can't tell you what to do or give you advice, but maybe there's never a perfect time, and the longer you wait, the longer you'll have to continue to endure, whereas the less you weight, the more you'll be spared. Good luck amiga

No, this is _your_ experience. It might not happen with her — in fact it most likely won't, even if she ended up having a sad life. This post for me goes a little beyond the pro-choice morals of this site... I relate to your pain and OP's, but I would not tell a 19 year old to ctb because of my life.

 

[rs929]

Here's a hypothetical response to your post, not giving advice, but here is just a fictional perspective's subjective response to what you wrote:

Your description was exactly me at your age. I'm 24 and all I can say is- do it.

You're doing great, you've already got a plan. If you don't, I can pretty much promise from personal experience that it gets worse. Your parents will sooner or later find out you're lying about academic performance and stop supporting you and will never trust you or see you really as a kid again. It hurts. You may get kicked out by them, but either way you'll have to go into some kind of full time wage slavery just to survive and justify your existence. You'll have no free time, feel exhausted, and feel like you have to slam your head against a wall for 8 hours a day just to be able to eat. Either that or you'll have to tolerate some horrible man so that he supports you. Yuck

There is no rest. Your body gets older, you see your situation get bleaker and bleaker. You just feel crushed. You'll think about suicide daily. Careful with loving getting high and procrastinating so much that you never get around to ending yourself. Stop getting high and try to think clearly about what you want to do. If you put off killing yourself, you'll end up having to quit getting high eventually, and end up regretting that you did it, even though it was the most fun you've ever had. You have a chance to avoid this less-than-enjoyable experience if you just kill yourself.

You can fess up to your parents and find a real path in life, and if there's truly something that you're passionate about and speaks to you, that could make life worth living. If that something can be part of a lifestyle where you can support yourself and others. But if you are really apathetic, then the odds are you'll just drag lukewarmly through your whole life, just dragging by, like you are now. Not excelling or really interested anything, living for momentary distractions and pleasure. It never ends, you never find satisfaction.

I weirdly respect that you've got a coherent plan at an earlier age than I did. Maybe let this is your sign. I can't tell you what to do or give you advice, but maybe there's never a perfect time, and the longer you wait, the longer you'll have to continue to endure, whereas the less you weight, the more you'll be spared. Good luck amiga

She's pretty young and you can't predict the future. Really, the idea that she will be where you are in 5 years is as scientific as fortune telling or the horoscope. Even with 24, you're not as old and hopeless as you think you are. I'm sorry you're hurting though, but I think you're wrong here

 

[whyyyyyyyy]

No, this is _your_ experience. It might not happen with her — in fact it most likely won't, even if she ended up having a sad life. This post for me goes a little beyond the pro-choice morals of this site... I relate to your pain and OP's, but I would not tell a 19 year old to ctb because of my life.

She's pretty young and you can't predict the future. Really, the idea that she will be where you are in 5 years is as scientific as fortune telling or the horoscope. Even with 24, you're not as old and hopeless as you think you are. I'm sorry you're hurting though, but I think you're wrong here

I think I was pretty explicit that this is just my perspective and that I'm not giving advice

 

[5_5]

No, this is _your_ experience. It might not happen with her — in fact it most likely won't, even if she ended up having a sad life. This post for me goes a little beyond the pro-choice morals of this site... I relate to your pain and OP's, but I would not tell a 19 year old to ctb because of my life.

She's pretty young and you can't predict the future. Really, the idea that she will be where you are in 5 years is as scientific as fortune telling or the horoscope. Even with 24, you're not as old and hopeless as you think you are. I'm sorry you're hurting though, but I think you're wrong here

well... i should be x___x by now... but i'm not? it's not that i changed my mind, it's just that it got so difficult? or maybe it just wasn't easy like i thought it was... i was so sure i wanted to die but for some reason i got a job opportunity that i didn't look for, something i hadn't gotten before, this album i waited for three years to drop just came out, and it made me want to get into singing, which is weird because i never want to get into anything anymore. when i went to analyze the gun, see what i was working with, it wasn't on the cage: my father had it on him... 7 days in a row. even when i visited his room at different times a day. it also made me wonder if he'd get in legal trouble if i ctb with the gun he legally owns... and when i tried writing my goodbye letter, even though im a writer and words come out easily, nothing came out other than "i'm sorry mom", "goodbye" ...? exams are soon. i just have to focus. and try to be functional. i just have to focus. get out of this shithole. i just turned 20. i need to act 20. i need to start acting 20. im not a teenager anymore. i feel so empty but i think that if i make it i'll feel better about myself. please. i'm so tired of only existing when other people are around me