Lonerzepam
O'lord! I Have My Doubts
- Sep 2, 2022
- 619
As the title says I think I'm ready.
Not regarding all the recommended medications for SN but mentally I think I've made up my mind and made my peace with death. My family will visit my brother this weekend and he lives a bit far away.
Unfortunetly they won't leave me alone in their house so they are going to drop me off at my grandma's. This isn't too bad cuz I can easily get my hands on some benzos when she takes care of me. So all that I'll have are some benzos, painkiller, about 15g SN and some CBD weed to hopefully not throw up. I know this isn't such a bulletprove plan but that's all that I have available and I'm really desperate to leave everything behind.
Life's just not worth living anymore and I know it never will be because of my neuro illness (hppd) which took everything live's worth living for away from me. The love of my life, my dream job, relationships, drugs shit I can't even eat a chocolate bar cuz of the sugar which worsens my symptoms or watch a movie. I'm just done with everything and want to leave. No more pain, no regrets, no guilt, no nothing...
I'm still gonna think about it but I think I've already made my decision. I'm really sorry for my loved ones I know it will break their heart. But I've finally come to the conclusion that I can't keep on suffering for other people and that it's my decision and loss and grief are just part of live and unavoidable. Thank you @FuneralCry without your words I think I would have never or very late accepted this.
I'm gonna give an update to let you guys know. One reason I also didn't wanted to CTB is cuz I loved this community way too much haha. I really hope it doesn't get shut down due to the recent happening events. Without these resources I would probably CTB by jumping but now I can leave peacefully like many other's have before me due to this website.
I think I'm ready for what's after live and death no matter what it might be. I hope I wasn't too anyonning on this forum.
I definetly wanna get my reaction score up to 1000 before I leave so I'm gonna play the new game I've made later on haha.
Idk what else to say. I hope you guys all eventually find peace.
Not regarding all the recommended medications for SN but mentally I think I've made up my mind and made my peace with death. My family will visit my brother this weekend and he lives a bit far away.
Unfortunetly they won't leave me alone in their house so they are going to drop me off at my grandma's. This isn't too bad cuz I can easily get my hands on some benzos when she takes care of me. So all that I'll have are some benzos, painkiller, about 15g SN and some CBD weed to hopefully not throw up. I know this isn't such a bulletprove plan but that's all that I have available and I'm really desperate to leave everything behind.
Life's just not worth living anymore and I know it never will be because of my neuro illness (hppd) which took everything live's worth living for away from me. The love of my life, my dream job, relationships, drugs shit I can't even eat a chocolate bar cuz of the sugar which worsens my symptoms or watch a movie. I'm just done with everything and want to leave. No more pain, no regrets, no guilt, no nothing...
I'm still gonna think about it but I think I've already made my decision. I'm really sorry for my loved ones I know it will break their heart. But I've finally come to the conclusion that I can't keep on suffering for other people and that it's my decision and loss and grief are just part of live and unavoidable. Thank you @FuneralCry without your words I think I would have never or very late accepted this.
I'm gonna give an update to let you guys know. One reason I also didn't wanted to CTB is cuz I loved this community way too much haha. I really hope it doesn't get shut down due to the recent happening events. Without these resources I would probably CTB by jumping but now I can leave peacefully like many other's have before me due to this website.
I think I'm ready for what's after live and death no matter what it might be. I hope I wasn't too anyonning on this forum.
I definetly wanna get my reaction score up to 1000 before I leave so I'm gonna play the new game I've made later on haha.
Idk what else to say. I hope you guys all eventually find peace.
