Venting I think I was sexually assaulted an hour ago

[SomewhatLoved]

Not sure if sexual assault is the right term or if this was something else but I am not feeling well right now.

Yesterday I got an ad on social media for an event that would be happening tonight (I guess last night now, because it's the AM). The event was basically just a night at a club where they would be playing music from a genre I like so I thought I would go as a way of getting out of the house. So I bought a ticket and I went. Doors opened at 10 PM and it went until 2 AM.

So I left home at around 9 30 PM to go to the event. It was kind of nice, not the best thing in the world but my thoughts in the moment were that it was a nice excuse to get out of the house and be around other people for a change. I admittedly wasn't in much of a social mood so I just kind of got some water and stood off to the side leaning against a wall and watched the DJs do their thing.

Around 1 20 AM as I'm standing there this girl comes up to me and starts talking to me. She's asking me "why are you just standing there" so I tell her "I'm just watching the DJ" and I point to him and she says "you should dance" and I just say "I don't want to" but in my mind I was thinking like I don't know how. Already I was feeling kind of uncomfortable because it felt like she was kinda getting close to me or up in my face or something. I don't remember what she said after that but I remember a bunch of other people came around us (her friends I assume) and she started dancing like right in my face and stuff and then all her friends did the same and I was kind of surrounded by them and then she turned around to face the stage and started grinding on me and I was against the wall and surrounded so I couldn't very easily just turn around and walk away or anything and honestly I just felt paralyzed/frozen so even if there was an opening I'm not sure I would have been able to even move.

I feel like everything from that point is a blur and I'm not even really sure what happened but I just remember at some point I was able to just turn around and walk away through the crowd and I immediately left and I went and sat at a park for like 20 minutes with my head in my hands because I was just in a state of shock.

I've never gone "clubbing" before. I like live music and bands but I've never seen a DJ event before. I felt like even before I was going I thought maybe it's not a good idea but I convinced myself I should get out of the house for once so I went. I got dressed up too because I wanted to try and do something special but it all just feels like a mistake and my fault now. Before this thing happened I had two other girls approach me and one just complimented me and the other asked if I wanted to dance and both times I just kind of waved them away because I was honestly feeling very anxious and unable to talk and I just wanted to listen to music and I feel like maybe I should have already left by that point because it was clear maybe something was wrong but I don't know.

I'm supposed to go to another concert in August to see my favourite band and now I'm nervous :(

I feel embarrassed because I'm a guy and I'm a little bit taller and it's like I should be able to defend myself or tell her no but I just felt like I was in shock and it all happened so fast

 

[noname223]

Not sure if sexual assault is the right term or if this was something else but I am not feeling well right now.

Yesterday I got an ad on social media for an event that would be happening tonight (I guess last night now, because it's the AM). The event was basically just a night at a club where they would be playing music from a genre I like so I thought I would go as a way of getting out of the house. So I bought a ticket and I went. Doors opened at 10 PM and it went until 2 AM.

So I left home at around 9 30 PM to go to the event. It was kind of nice, not the best thing in the world but my thoughts in the moment were that it was a nice excuse to get out of the house and be around other people for a change. I admittedly wasn't in much of a social mood so I just kind of got some water and stood off to the side leaning against a wall and watched the DJs do their thing.

Around 1 20 AM as I'm standing there this girl comes up to me and starts talking to me. She's asking me "why are you just standing there" so I tell her "I'm just watching the DJ" and I point to him and she says "you should dance" and I just say "I don't want to" but in my mind I was thinking like I don't know how. Already I was feeling kind of uncomfortable because it felt like she was kinda getting close to me or up in my face or something. I don't remember what she said after that but I remember a bunch of other people came around us (her friends I assume) and she started dancing like right in my face and stuff and then all her friends did the same and I was kind of surrounded by them and then she turned around to face the stage and started grinding on me and I was against the wall and surrounded so I couldn't very easily just turn around and walk away or anything and honestly I just felt paralyzed/frozen so even if there was an opening I'm not sure I would have been able to even move.

I feel like everything from that point is a blur and I'm not even really sure what happened but I just remember at some point I was able to just turn around and walk away through the crowd and I immediately left and I went and sat at a park for like 20 minutes with my head in my hands because I was just in a state of shock.

I've never gone "clubbing" before. I like live music and bands but I've never seen a DJ event before. I felt like even before I was going I thought maybe it's not a good idea but I convinced myself I should get out of the house for once so I went. I got dressed up too because I wanted to try and do something special but it all just feels like a mistake and my fault now. Before this thing happened I had two other girls approach me and one just complimented me and the other asked if I wanted to dance and both times I just kind of waved them away because I was honestly feeling very anxious and unable to talk and I just wanted to listen to music and I feel like maybe I should have already left by that point because it was clear maybe something was wrong but I don't know.

I'm supposed to go to another concert in August to see my favourite band and now I'm nervous :(

I feel embarrassed because I'm a guy and I'm a little bit taller and it's like I should be able to defend myself or tell her no but I just felt like I was in shock and it all happened so fast

I think I don't have the full picture but could it be possible someone mixed drugs into your drink? (If you say there was a blur from then on?)

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I just feel like everytime I try to go out of the house and do something nice I end up having a bad or uncomfortable experience like this and it makes me just not want to go out.

Recently I went volunteering and on the way there I was in a car crash and it's discouraged my from trying to do that.

In the fall I tried to make a friend but she just started pushing me away randomly and I tried asking what I did wrong or apologizing and she said I did nothing wrong and she liked hanging out with me but then just keeped pushing me away.

I feel like maybe I should just give up and stay at home in my free time but sometimes I feel like bbeing aloen with my thoughts too much just fucks me up and worsens my anxiety.

 

[Apathy79]

Funnily enough, this would be a result most guys would hope for when clubbing. I'm a bit like you and just find it awkward and want to get out of there. If you walk away straight away it's usually not an issue.

Concert should be a bit different. Clubbing is more about the dancing usually. Concert is usually about seeing the band. I'd give it a shot.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

Funnily enough, this would be a result most guys would hope for when clubbing. I'm a bit like you and just find it awkward and want to get out of there. If you walk away straight away it's usually not an issue.

Concert should be a bit different. Clubbing is more about the dancing usually. Concert is usually about seeing the band. I'd give it a shot.

I understand that but I feel like i explicitly told her no at least from what I remember because she said I should dance and I told her I don't want to and that i just wanted to listen to the music

I miss my boyfriend

no one else was supposed to touch me there

 

[whywere]

My heart broke reading this, as back in the 1970's I had similar situation a couple of times.

It was two-fold for me, as I was extremely uncomfortable having a gal that I did not even know grab my crotch and I can still see it in my mind. as I was "like what the heavens is wrong with her?" and when I left the dance floor and was red faced, I got crap from the guys that I was hanging out with that night, as I did not know what to do.

Oh, believe me, I knew, it was just that I like to get to know the gal and have a mindful conversation, NOT grabbing my "junk" right off the bat on the dance floor.

It was even DISCO music back then, heaven forbid!!

I was embarrassed that night and from then on, if a gal asked me to dance or if I asked her, we stayed apart and if not, I walked off the dance floor.

Learned quickly NOT to listen to others, both guys and gals, and do what was right and comfortable for me.

I so fully understand your predicament fully and it was a learning lesson BUT PLEASE go to your concert in August and do not let an over aggressive gal dictate enjoying life and music, never ever.

I will say this also, as far as karma goes, I met and/or found out down the road that the couple of gals, it was one each and on different nights, were in "family way" and the guy did not stick around after finding out that the gal was preggo.

Also some of the guys that not as much teased me as were down right mean to my face on those occasions, later down the road they thought that they were smart and so with it and wound up getting a gal in family way and they were not laughing at me anymore, but I was laughing at them, as they did not want to marry the gal and they also did not want to pay monthly child support for 18 years.

You are a wonderful, kind person and after reading and rereading your thread, it was if I was you all over again, albeit 40 plus years, but nevertheless the same.

You are a GREAT guy, and you have an awesome set of principles.

You ARE and you WILL BE so wonderful in life as you are a decent and principled lad.

Lots of well wishes to you,

Walter

 

[Emerita]

Im truly so sorry this happened to you, even me reading that made me upset I can only imagine how you feel. it's understandable you feel this way, the feeling of sa is so confusing and painful it's hard to wrap your head around just know the way you reacted and feel isn't wrong I know sometimes there can be this feeling of guilt or like you said embarrassment that you froze but most people freeze please don't blame yourself for the action of others. Again Im truly so sorry this happened.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Clubbing can be a lot of fun!

But - sorry if I didn't get that right- did you take any drinks from someone else or did you generally drink from someone else's bottle/cup that might have been compromised with drugs? Did you put your drink somewhere else and there is the possibility someone added drugs?

That's the only way you can take drugs not knowing it.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[Forever Sleep]

If it was unwanted physical contact in your genital area then yes- I'd agree- that's a form of sexual assault. If the tables were turned and it was a guy rubbing his junk on a woman after she'd told him 'no', it would be classed as assault. Men have just as many rights to say 'no' and be respected.

I can understand that you didn't want to come across as impolite or aggressive. I think this is also the problem women have. They don't want to appear rude. The trouble being that agressive or even drunk people likely take advantage of that.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. When I was young, it happened to me on a tube train. It was a guy at my back. I didn't know what to do either. It was a whole mixture of confusion- did he need to be standing that close? Plus, I'm not attractive. Why would he be doing that to me? Plus, embarassment- I didn't want to make a fuss in front of other people and obviously, fear. At the next station, I waited till the doors were closing and just dashed off the train and hoped he wouldn't follow (he didn't.) It was horrible though. It's not always as simple as calling them out and, they rely on that.

I don't think you should let it stop you from attending things like this in future though- if you enjoy them. Maybe just try to work out a way of removing yourself from those sorts of situations in future. Could you go with someone maybe? I imagine that may put people off approaching you to some extent.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

to everyone asking about me being drugged

I think maybe its possible, all I had was water but there were times I put it down and wasn't really watching it. It's not even really a risk I ever considered.

But honestly I tend to freeze up, that's kind of a normal response to me whenever something uncomfortable happens to me. So I don't know if I was.

 

[Dejected 55]

I never really liked being around a lot of people... and reading stories like this just reinforce that natural discomfort.

I did go to a New Year's party at a college friend's house many many years ago. It was kind of a crappy party, and I mostly just sat by myself the whole time. My friend was busy with other people and I barely spoke to him during the night. There was alcohol there and that made me uncomfortable too because I don't want to drink. The only reason I was there at all was because it was my friend's party and I thought I'd at least be able to talk to him if I got bored.

Anyway, towards the end of the party, there was a girl there who had drank way too much. She wanted me to dance with her. There was literally no one else dancing at all. It was weird. I didn't know her, I didn't want to dance with her. I politely said no thanks. She persisted. She grabbed my arm and tried to pull me from my seat. She was drunk and it really showed. The more she tried the more it went from sad to angry to depressed for me and I just wanted her to leave me alone. She eventually stopped.

My friend later told me I should have danced with her... that I could probably have had sex with her... and that she probably would ask him about me the next day. I told him I doubted it. She was drunk, I was one of the few single guys left there, she didn't know me. Even if I could have had sex with her, I didn't want that... Sex with a drunk girl who only wanted me because she was drunk and I was in the room and not that she liked me at all... and the next day I assured him she would be sober and not think a second thought of me.

I was right.

Looking back, my friend was probably right too. If I were the normal guy, that could have been my first sexual experience instead of an escort 6-7 years later. But it would have been a miserable disappointing experience being with a drunk girl and taking advantage of that vulnerability like that. I've never regretted turning her down. I never saw her again either. I never went to another party again.