Venting I survived

[アホペンギン]

I failed. The hospital is literally across the street so I got saved quickly. They also have special keys for the area that I live in (apartment complex, the keys open every door) so they didn't have any trouble getting me. They intubated me, gave me the antidote for SN and used something to clean my stomach, I honestly don't know. I will leave there soon and arrive at the psych ward. I'll be discharged from the psych ward when I go there in… a while… I don't know either. I think its proper to be here for 2 weeks, as it was my stay last time I was here but I'm not sure. I don't know the laws about psych ward stays here, I might be made to stay longer. My SN and propranolol got thrown out and I won't be able to buy anything else for a while. I have absolutely no idea when I will be able to attempt again but at least the day i'll have to attend college got canceled, meaning, I won't have to attend until next year because I'm not mentally stable. Anyways, I really thought i'd succeed, sorry for wasting everyone's time and making you all really anxious and possibly apprehensive about the SN method.I'll attempt SN again sooner or later, next time probably using more meto. I'm not sure if you can gain tolerance to medications as you can do with opioids, etc. but I have taken meto before, 5mg every day because I had the worst nausea, lost a lot of weight but thats not relevant . I'll try 40mg of meto next time.

I was really scared which also contributed to the nausea. If I'm panicking and vomit, the contractions in my throat continue and I can't control them. will try to get benzos next time as well. I will remove propranolol from the regimen if I get the benzos because it would become unnecessary and would cause some complications with too many medications.

Doctors said I would've died if I didn't call the ambulance, some SN got in my stomach. Now I regret calling them. Stupid SI. Still not backing away from the SN method, its still my preferred method. It was just the nausea and vomiting that stopped me from succeeding. Like I said, I plan on taking more meto next time.

Edit: wrote this post a few hours ago after I woke up from a coma and planned to post it on the day I was going to go to the psych ward but just did it today.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Hello @アホペンギン,

How are you now? I hope it's not a bad question...
I saw your goodbye thread and really afraid that you ended up agonizing death.
So when I saw this thread, I was a bit relieved... Sorry, I might be a terrible person.

Please take care of yourself for now

 

[singularity3]

Did you call the ambulance before you became unconscious? exactly when did you vomit?

 

[brownbear]

Im sorry this happened to you, I wish you all the best. How long were you in a coma for and do you have any long term health issues due to your attempt?

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Sorry you had to go through that.

It was very difficult reading your posts,not knowing what the outcome would be for you, but you really have nothing to apologise for.

 

[Suicidal Ideation]

I failed. The hospital is literally across the street so I got saved quickly. They also have special keys for the area that I live in (apartment complex, the keys open every door) so they didn't have any trouble getting me. They intubated me, gave me the antidote for SN and used something to clean my stomach, I honestly don't know. I will leave there soon and arrive at the psych ward. I'll be discharged from the psych ward when I go there in… a while… I don't know either. I think its proper to be here for 2 weeks, as it was my stay last time I was here but I'm not sure. I don't know the laws about psych ward stays here, I might be made to stay longer. My SN and propranolol got thrown out and I won't be able to buy anything else for a while. I have absolutely no idea when I will be able to attempt again but at least the day i'll have to attend college got canceled, meaning, I won't have to attend until next year because I'm not mentally stable. Anyways, I really thought i'd succeed, sorry for wasting everyone's time and making you all really anxious and possibly apprehensive about the SN method.I'll attempt SN again sooner or later, next time probably using more meto. I'm not sure if you can gain tolerance to medications as you can do with opioids, etc. but I have taken meto before, 5mg every day because I had the worst nausea, lost a lot of weight but thats not relevant . I'll try 40mg of meto next time.

I was really scared which also contributed to the nausea. If I'm panicking and vomit, the contractions in my throat continue and I can't control them. will try to get benzos next time as well. I will remove propranolol from the regimen if I get the benzos because it would become unnecessary and would cause some complications with too many medications.

Doctors said I would've died if I didn't call the ambulance, some SN got in my stomach. Now I regret calling them. Stupid SI. Still not backing away from the SN method, its still my preferred method. It was just the nausea and vomiting that stopped me from succeeding. Like I said, I plan on taking more meto next time.

Edit: wrote this post a few hours ago after I woke up from a coma and planned to post it on the day I was going to go to the psych ward but just did it today.

I'm really sorry all this happened. Im glad to see you again though.

Welcome back <3

 

[Dot]

Did you call the ambulance before you became unconscious? exactly when did you vomit?

Thy calld whle thy wre stll conscs

Wld advse agnst analysng thr SN symptmolgy etc fr nw - gve OP sme spce

 

[Larysa]

I'm so sorry you had such a horrendous experience.

You didn't waste anyone's time.

I wonder if this will prompt your family to back the fuck off with the pressure. and perhaps allow you some space. May be that's naive. It should have given them a massive shock.

 

[Suicidal Ideation]

I truly hope life gets easier for you from now on. I hope you never have to try again.

 

[アホペンギン]

Hello @アホペンギン,

How are you now? I hope it's not a bad question...
I saw your goodbye thread and really afraid that you ended up agonizing death.
So when I saw this thread, I was a bit relieved... Sorry, I might be a terrible person.

Please take care of yourself for now

I'm disappointed in myself, I should've taken more metoclopramide but I underestimated how bad my nausea would be. I take metoclopramide sometimes because of my nausea, 5mg and it always works quite well for my nausea so I thought 30mg would be more than enough but that was wrong. I'm stupid.

I understand that you were worried about me, i don't remember what happened on that day at all but I see why everyone was worried, I think it was really agonizing for me. I understand why you are relieved that I'm alive, its human nature.

Take care of yourself as well. :)

Did you call the ambulance before you became unconscious? exactly when did you vomit?

I called the ambulance before I became unconscious, I got some SN in my stomach still but most of it was vomited out. I don't remember what happened that day but I felt like throwing up maybe a minute after I drank the SN.

Im sorry this happened to you, I wish you all the best. How long were you in a coma for and do you have any long term health issues due to your attempt?

I'm sorry for making you panic during my goodbye thread, you didn't deserve that and no one did. I was in a coma for about 20 hours according to the doctors and I don't have any health issues because the hospital was really close, I got saved quickly. All that hurts right now is my throat because of the contractions from vomiting and the tube that they put in my throat.

Sorry you had to go through that.

It was very difficult reading your posts,not knowing what the outcome would be for you, but you really have nothing to apologise for.

I'm sorry you had a hard time reading my post, i don't remember that day very well but from how everyone is reacting now I think it was quite dramatic, I panicked a lot and made everyone worry because no one knew what happened afterwards.

I'm really sorry all this happened. Im glad to see you again though.

Welcome back <3

I'm sorry you were worried about me, I'm glad you feel better now, though.

I'm so sorry you had such a horrendous experience.

You didn't waste anyone's time.

I wonder if this will prompt your family to back the fuck off with the pressure. and perhaps allow you some space. May be that's naive. It should have given them a massive shock.

I don't remember how everything felt that day because of my coma but after seeing how everyone reacts, I see that it was very agonizing for me and made lots of people worried.

I hope you're right about my family, though. I think they were shocked now but they didn't say anything to me yet.

 

[Some_Girl]

Hey, man.

You didn't waste our time at all.

I was following your thread yesterday (I have a new account due to the forum being reset).

It's good to hear from you again.

 

[Dot]

I failed. The hospital is literally across the street so I got saved quickly. They also have special keys for the area that I live in (apartment complex, the keys open every door) so they didn't have any trouble getting me. They intubated me, gave me the antidote for SN and used something to clean my stomach, I honestly don't know. I will leave there soon and arrive at the psych ward. I'll be discharged from the psych ward when I go there in… a while… I don't know either. I think its proper to be here for 2 weeks, as it was my stay last time I was here but I'm not sure. I don't know the laws about psych ward stays here, I might be made to stay longer. My SN and propranolol got thrown out and I won't be able to buy anything else for a while. I have absolutely no idea when I will be able to attempt again but at least the day i'll have to attend college got canceled, meaning, I won't have to attend until next year because I'm not mentally stable. Anyways, I really thought i'd succeed, sorry for wasting everyone's time and making you all really anxious and possibly apprehensive about the SN method.I'll attempt SN again sooner or later, next time probably using more meto. I'm not sure if you can gain tolerance to medications as you can do with opioids, etc. but I have taken meto before, 5mg every day because I had the worst nausea, lost a lot of weight but thats not relevant . I'll try 40mg of meto next time.

I was really scared which also contributed to the nausea. If I'm panicking and vomit, the contractions in my throat continue and I can't control them. will try to get benzos next time as well. I will remove propranolol from the regimen if I get the benzos because it would become unnecessary and would cause some complications with too many medications.

Doctors said I would've died if I didn't call the ambulance, some SN got in my stomach. Now I regret calling them. Stupid SI. Still not backing away from the SN method, its still my preferred method. It was just the nausea and vomiting that stopped me from succeeding. Like I said, I plan on taking more meto next time.

Edit: wrote this post a few hours ago after I woke up from a coma and planned to post it on the day I was going to go to the psych ward but just did it today.

Thnk wht wrried ppl ws tht u wre beggng fr hlp & sayng ' cll amblnce pls hlp'

S/ membrs wre hopng tht u wre rescud bcse u hd obvsly changd ur mnd bt knowng tht = ws pssble tht u wre nt

Am gld tht u r as ok as cn b -- lke othrs sd hpeflly ur parnts cn gve u sme mre spport frm ths & gve u sme spce

 

[AnonGermany]

Welcome back, i am sorry you had to go through this.

I wish you all the best for the upcoming weeks and hope your family shows some sympathy towards you instead of making your life harder.
All the best and lots of love is what you need and deserve right now.

 

[backtoearth]

I'm sorry it ended up going this way, but I am glad to see you here again. You did not waste anyone's time, I saw the first thread and just hoped you weren't in too much pain and distress <3

Hopefully this will take off some of the pressure and make life a little less stressful for you

 

[LonelyKitten]

I'm sorry to hear you had such a tough experience. The thread appeared like a rollercoaster of emotions.
Judging by your confidence, it sounds like you have some familiarity with what will happen from here - hopefully you are given some slack and space to rest.

 

[Suicidal Ideation]

I'm sorry you were worried about me, I'm glad you feel better now, though.

Your thread got deleted cause of the website having issues yesterday. Weird how that works honestly cause, at first i was sad your thread was gone but now that you're back and you say you don't remember anything from that day, im kinda glad it's gone so you don't have to relive that experience just by reading through it now.

Again, it's weird how that works huh.

 

[befree]

making you all ... possibly apprehensive about the SN method...

...This would not be the worst idea.

Welcome back !

Unfortunately, your goodbye thread has disappeared due to a server outage. I posted the cat will miss you.

I hope you get better soon.

... I´m waiting for アホペンギン

 

[Zaphkiel]

Welcome back, don't be sorry for anything.
Focus on getting better, we're always here to hear from you!

 

[straydog]

You have nothing to apologize for and you didn't waste anyone's time. I'm glad you're not in severe pain and that you're as okay as you can be, given the circumstances. You deserve so much love and support, and all you need to do right now is to try to rest and be gentle with yourself.

 

[Daxter_87]

I'm so sorry that you failed. I hope the pro-lifers won't be too harsh and mean to you for your attempt to CTB, as many innocent people are treated like criminals for trying to relieve their pain. I also wish you a pleasant and peaceful stay in the psych ward - assuming it's not one of the bad ones, that is.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I failed. The hospital is literally across the street so I got saved quickly. They also have special keys for the area that I live in (apartment complex, the keys open every door) so they didn't have any trouble getting me. They intubated me, gave me the antidote for SN and used something to clean my stomach, I honestly don't know. I will leave there soon and arrive at the psych ward. I'll be discharged from the psych ward when I go there in… a while… I don't know either. I think its proper to be here for 2 weeks, as it was my stay last time I was here but I'm not sure. I don't know the laws about psych ward stays here, I might be made to stay longer. My SN and propranolol got thrown out and I won't be able to buy anything else for a while. I have absolutely no idea when I will be able to attempt again but at least the day i'll have to attend college got canceled, meaning, I won't have to attend until next year because I'm not mentally stable. Anyways, I really thought i'd succeed, sorry for wasting everyone's time and making you all really anxious and possibly apprehensive about the SN method.I'll attempt SN again sooner or later, next time probably using more meto. I'm not sure if you can gain tolerance to medications as you can do with opioids, etc. but I have taken meto before, 5mg every day because I had the worst nausea, lost a lot of weight but thats not relevant . I'll try 40mg of meto next time.

I was really scared which also contributed to the nausea. If I'm panicking and vomit, the contractions in my throat continue and I can't control them. will try to get benzos next time as well. I will remove propranolol from the regimen if I get the benzos because it would become unnecessary and would cause some complications with too many medications.

Doctors said I would've died if I didn't call the ambulance, some SN got in my stomach. Now I regret calling them. Stupid SI. Still not backing away from the SN method, its still my preferred method. It was just the nausea and vomiting that stopped me from succeeding. Like I said, I plan on taking more meto next time.

Edit: wrote this post a few hours ago after I woke up from a coma and planned to post it on the day I was going to go to the psych ward but just did it today.

Did u feel any pain other than the nausea. How bad was the nausea?

I agree with more meto.

I'm going to take 60 mg meto stat then 30 g of SN in water that's it . 3 backup Glasses

Meto should reduce vomiting and nausea imo

Steve Jobs " keep it simple"

 

[アホペンギン]

Did u feel any pain other than the nausea. How bad was the nausea?

I agree with more meto.

I'm going to tja 60 mg meto stat then 30 g of SN in water that's it . 3 backup Glasses

No, there wasn't any pain other than stomach pain due to the anxiety induced by the nausea.

I will try to take more meto next time I attempt.

 

[nicotine_goblin]

I'm sorry it turned out like this, I hope your stay in the ward will be tolerable. Got discharged myself recently after being there for 2 months, I know it sucks. Also no need to be sorry, it's perfectly understandable that you called an ambulance, si is a bitch

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm sorry it turned out like this, I hope your stay in the ward will be tolerable. Got discharged myself recently after being there for 2 months, I know it sucks

Idk how long I will have to stay at the ward and I hope they won't be too bad to me. Last time I was there it was for 2 weeks, hopefully its the same again.

 

[nicotine_goblin]

I'm so sorry that you failed. I hope the pro-lifers won't be too harsh and mean to you for your attempt to CTB, as many innocent people are treated like criminals for trying to relieve their pain. I also wish you a pleasant and peaceful stay in the psych ward - assuming it's not one of the bad ones, that is.

It's absolutely true that people are treated like criminals for wanting to end their life sadly. Psych ward always felt like a prison sentence to me

 

[Minsu]

Oh I was so worried when I read your last help messages yesterday.
Do you think you would survive if you wouldn't have called for help?

Edit: never mind, I've read your post properly now

 

[nicotine_goblin]

Last time I was there for it was for 2 weeks, hopefully its the same again

Let's hope it is just two weeks. Laws in my country are different I assume so wards can keep you for a long time here

 

[Minsu]

I realized after reading your and some other SN goodbye threads, that I'll use inert gas to ctb

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome back!! I'm glad you acted so fast and you were able to call the ambulance. I hope you get well quickly and recover soon from this attempt. We are also glad to welcome you back in the discord group!

I wish you a quick recovery and cul8r!! :-)

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

It's absolutely true that people are treated like criminals for wanting to end their life sadly. Psych ward always felt like a prison sentence to me

That's why I haven't done it. I'm scared my si will call the hospital. I've seen a lot of cases like op . Seemed sure wanted to ctb , then took SN , then called hospital because of si.