I survived MY second SN attempt, AMA

[letsgetittogo]

Hi guys, I had a long day yesterday and went to bed kind of early. I'll respond to the rest of the comments after I shower and have breakfast

 

[Umacon]

Στην πραγματικότητα δεν ένιωθα ότι πνιγόμουν / πνιγόμουν. Ένιωσα λιποθυμία και μπορούσα να νιώσω την καρδιά μου να χτυπά έξω από το στήθος μου. το πιο «αγχωτικό μέρος» για μένα είναι το γεγονός ότι έχω μια αγχώδη διαταραχή, οπότε η ταχυκαρδία μοιάζει παράξενα με μια κρίση πανικού. Νομίζω ότι γι' αυτό άρχισα ενστικτωδώς να φρικάρω πολύ άσχημα. Το πιο δύσκολο κομμάτι ήταν να αντιμετωπίσω την καρδιά μου να χτυπά έξω από το στήθος μου. Εκτός από αυτό, δεν αισθάνεστε χειρότερα από το να έχετε Covid / κακό πυρετό, από την άποψη της ναυτίας ή με ημικρανία.

I think some propranolol would help with that symptom? I have SN and all the other staff (meto, benzos), but after your post I must sure buy some propranolol also. I have never experienced taxychardia but it sounds really stressful to cope.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I think we should put the questions on hold for now, let's just give @letsgetittogo time to read through and respond.

 

[letsgetittogo]

This could be one of the more powerful symptoms of SN that cause people to be triggered into si, I've experienced it multiple times throughout the years and for anyone unfamiliar with Tachycardia, it's very unnerving as a first time experience, I've also had that feeling of my heart beating out of my chest and feeling dizzy although what I've experienced isn't panic attacks but very similar, except I have a heart issues so I may be able to handle the tachycardia by itself since I'm rather use to my heart beating really fast although I've got Beta-blockers on hand either way.


Yeap, this evolutionary trait that has been one of the key aspects of human survival for thousands of years now is such a hard thing to get over. I think that's why some of those who've attempted with it called out for help, because the realization that death is imminent hits them and being humans, we assign death as a bad thing despite never having experienced it ourselves. If anything, this solidifies my choice of benzos to accompany this in order to be out of it. Otherwise, it seems if your brain didn't do what it naturally did, it sounds like you would've definitely ctb this time.


So 3rd times the charm? All light-heartenedness aside, it's rather fascinating to see someone this determined for it again.

Also, detail your regimen and mindset this time compared to how it was the 1st time if you don't mind. What anti-anxiety meds did you use and how strong were they?

Right, I doubt it wouldn't be anything but horrifying to see your mortality slipping away within a few mins so I'd second this as a weakness, it's one of the things I don't blame people for when it comes to why they won't take this method, I guess you have to plan for everything to give it as good of a chance at working. Seriously, this is why I'm going to go for it with benzos, I'd rather not be without them for this, I thought I could do it like others have but I'm not other people and thus, I'd like to at least give it some level of assurance that it will be the 1st and last time.

I'm back! Starting off, thank you for your insight, I'm glad someone understands what I went through.
To answer your question, I'm American and access healthcare through the military, which means that they throw drugs at any and all problems LMAO.
I am genuinely prescribed Venlafaxine as an Anti-anxiety pill, but I've heard it's not Bert common at all, it kind of doubles as a mood stabilizer as well. My anti-emetic I "lied" about, so I could get for SN, it's called Meclizine :p

We're all grateful for this but I have so many feelings from reading this in that it makes me worry in the event I am able to get SN and have these problems. I don't know whether your experience is a rare or common one.

I'm not sure either :/
I'd say all data is useful, but everyone's body is also different. I'd definitely read through some documented cases on the website to maybe get a general picture. Keep in mind, the symptoms weren't super unmanageable at all, they're actually pretty peaceful!
I just want to be honest about the "painlessness" some people think comes SN, no method is 100% peaceful, and SN isn't a miracle drug. BUT I do think SN is still the best option for people that want to ctb at home like me :) 10/10 my chosen method

Damn dude your brave to pull that trigger twice and i'm sorry life is this painful for you. My SN came today but i have not taken it yet

It was a long time in the making :) like I mentioned above, I "planned" my ctb so it wasn't something erratic or unplanned, so I had time to set the mood and get myself into that mindset.
I definitely think wrestling with your own mortality is weird though, especially if your existence is held it in a little bottle with white powder

Thank you for sharing your experiences, and I'm very sorry that you're struggling so much.

For your second attempt, do you think you would have been able to not puke if you hadn't intentionally made yourself do it? What did you do after you puked? Did you just go lie down or did you go to the hospital?

I can't really say for certain. I might've puked after I was unconscious, but if you've seen my other posts, I unintentionally puked on my first attempt because I thought I could have some alcohol during my attempt.

That being said, this time around I experienced way less nausea. I had no urge to puke until I decided to gag myself into doing it. I can't say what would've happened if I passed out but I definitely didn't feel the need to leading up to things.

I pretty much felt like shit for days. Had to call off work and literally was shaking like a rabbit at a couple points. Like I've mentioned above, I'm in the military, where they treat suicide attempts REALLY seriously (could end my career / I could be kicked out) this discourages a lot of us from ever seeking help in these cases. I did end up going to the hospital once I was "slightly" better (was as obvious that I just tried to ctb LMAO) and complained about chest problems.

It seems like there was no lasting damage, which is good news

How exactly did you induce vomiting?

Good ol fingers down the throat

Do you think taking a beta blocker such as propranolol would help with the racing heart?

You said you went to the hospital the first time. Did they give you methylene blue?

So making yourself puke the second time was all it took to recover?

You said you took meds to relax you but apparently they didn't help. How would you overcome SI on your third attempt?

Thank you for sharing your experience!

This is a really interesting idea and never considered it. I'll try to find a source / maybe try to get it prescribed.

My BIGGEST thing has been tachycardia because it simply makes me feel panicked and anxious. I think if I could slow my heart down I could see things true, thank you for the suggestion, I think it would help :0

How long after ingesting it did you throw up? Did you feel like you were close to passing out despite the discomfort? Also, I don't know if you were rushed to the hospital afterwards or not, but do you feel any lasting effects currently?

Went to the military hospital in my base and complained about chest problems. I've been scared of developing a heart murmur or brain damage or something, but I had no lasting complications.

I also am back to my college classes, and I don't feel any slower than usual LMAO. Definitely didn't leave me braindead

Do you think taking a beta blocker such as propranolol would help with the racing heart?

You said you went to the hospital the first time. Did they give you methylene blue?

So making yourself puke the second time was all it took to recover?

You said you took meds to relax you but apparently they didn't help. How would you overcome SI on your third attempt?

Thank you for sharing your experience!

another user suggested proponolol (I think that's how it's spelled) or a beta blocker to slow down my heart rate, and I THINK that might be the magic ingredient, at least for me.

I am amazed how people can survive after taking 25 grams of nitrite. I understand that people vomit, but in the end, it's as much as 25 grams of poison...

It looks like you have a stomach of steel that can withstand alcohol and poison.

Are you sure that you have sodium nitrite and that its purity is 99%

By the way, did you call an ambulance after vomiting?

I did aquarium tests and I also got it from a reputable source that others have used.

I will say, I don't really worry about storage or anything, I just have it in my closet in the original packaging. Is there anything environmental around it that could make it lose potency? (Me not storing it correctly)

 

[Umacon]

another user suggested proponolol (I think that's how it's spelled) or a beta blocker to slow down my heart rate, and I THINK that might be the magic ingredient, at least for me.

Propranolol (b-blocker) for tachycardia was advised in a previous version of PPH. Thus tachycardia is a common and unpleasant sympton with SN ( as from your experience also) I wonder why it's not a recommendation in the protocol anymore. I will sure have to buy some when I decide to to take my SN. Thanks for sharing your experience, really helpful.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Op mind if I pm you? There's just something I gotta say.

 

[letsgetittogo]

Op mind if I pm you? There's just something I gotta say.

Go for it

 

[Intoxicated]

Good ol fingers down the throat

Did you ingest anything before?

 

[Whale_bones]

.
I am genuinely prescribed Venlafaxine as an Anti-anxiety pill, but I've heard it's not Bert common at all, it kind of doubles as a mood stabilizer as well.

You may already know some of this, but just in case, Venlafaxine (brand name Effexor) is an antidepressant, specifically a SNRI. It's commonly prescribed, and while it can treat anxiety, it's not like a benzodiazepine; it only has a chance of working when taken continuously, it takes several weeks to start working, and it doesn't produce a physical or mental "feeling" like a benzo can.

I take Venlafaxine and have for years now, and FWIW, I've never had any "withdrawal" symptoms from any other antidepressant, but if I miss a few days of Venlafaxine, I get symptoms; headaches, brain zaps, mild shakiness. Just something to keep in mind because it seems to be more touchy than others meds in the same class (though, for me, it also works the best for anxiety and depression) so you probably don't want to change your dose right before an attempt, as that could contribute to you feeling shaky.

With that said, I'm sorry about your experience with SN, and really sorry that the military's attitude toward CTB means you couldn't even seek medical care right afterward, though I totally get why you couldn't. I hope you're all recovered physically atleast now.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

It's commonly prescribed, and while it can treat anxiety, it's not like a benzodiazepine; it only has a chance of working when taken continuously, it takes several weeks to start working, and it doesn't produce a physical or mental "feeling" like a benzo can.

I suspected that venlafaxine compared to a benzo isn't likely to give the same effect to be calming enough with regards to anxiety.

 

[schizochicken]

i don't disagree but beyond that, its meaningless to me since i cant get a gun so its a moot point, I'm aware that its much easier as opposed to waiting 15mins to go out since most people want something fast, convenient and effective. Anyway, i don't want to take this thread elsewhere from its original point.

Why cant you get a gun? Afraid of being rejected? I havent tried but i feel i should

 

[Kta1994]

No benzos? I thought they helped with the SI

 

[monochrom3]

Thank you very much for sharing your experience!

About the storage, i know that humidity exposure can make it ineffective, and also aire exposure but this one doesnt happen so fast as humidity so a few quick open ups are ok. A purity check with aquarium strips can help if you doubt about it.

May i ask how your recovery was? Time taken to look normal and how could someone deduce what happened by just looking? Did u took a special med or meal to recover?

 

[Meditation guide]

You said you went to the hospital the first time. Did they give you methylene blue?

SN is EXTREMELY deadly and even when people go to the hospital they often die, and methylene blue has to be given. So if they didn't give that to you and you survived anyway it's amazing. And the second time didn't even go to the hospital.

 

[calebzz1]

What did it feel like when your SI kicked in, did something in particular trigger it? Was that why the first attempt failed? Did you have to go to the hospital to prevent poisoning?
Would you try SN again? If yes, what would you do differently?

Wishing you a speedy recovery. Sorry for all of the questions.

Unrelated, is your profile picture from a game?

 

[sserafim]

W*ere did you get it? If it's okay with you could you PM me the s*urce?

 

[sanction]

Be careful that you may eventually cause damage to your body. To be safe, just consider these first 2 times as lucky that there was no damage. If you do have a 3rd attempt in mind, try your best to think it through deeply this time, before actually proceeding. Otherwise it becomes a dangerous gamble with your health

Sorry to hear it didn't work out. Thanks for sharing your experience

If your heart wasn't beating like crazy, do you think that would of changed your decision, and you would of let it continue without stopping it?

 

[silentcicada]

Unrelated, is your profile picture from a game?

Yeah, it's the retro tv from animal crossing!

 

[calebzz1]

Yeah, it's the retro tv from animal crossing!

Thanks!

 

[LikeAPendulum]

I remember holding Sn in my mouth. Spat it out but still swallowed some. I remember feeling my heart beat intensely, and I had a most terrible headache. Did you have any headaches? Did you feel nauseous?

 

[Unsure and alone]

I'm sorry you're going through whatever your reasons are.

I'm glad you are recovering quickly.
That has to be better than surviving permanently damaged, despite having wanted to die.

Thanks for sharing this experience.

I think Information helps those coming after manage things better.

How do you get supplies if you don't know how to use the dark web and can't lie to a doctor for it ?

I've got SN on the way.
I've got what I need to test it or almost have it .
( also on the way )

But I've been thinking I'll probably have to attempt with just the fast .

For lack of the other recommended pills .
Not because it seems like a great idea.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Oh god that were a lot of questions op, so thx for answering so detailed, but still have one question left xd. When you got in the hospital what did you tell them? Like the truth or did they ask you smth about why you're in that condition?

 

[Meditation guide]

So all you have to do is make yourself puke, or pass out and puke in your sleep, and you are fine afterwards. Interesting.

 

[Thanksforeverything]

So all you have to do is make yourself puke, or pass out and puke in your sleep, and you are fine afterwards. Interesting.

I think it's important to note when you actually throw up, and how much of the SN has been absorbed into the bloodstream by that point. If you throw up after a lethal dose has already been absorbed, I doubt you'd have much chance of surviving unless you get immediate medical attention.

 

[Meditation guide]

I think it's important to note when you actually throw up, and how much of the SN has been absorbed into the bloodstream by that point. If you throw up after a lethal dose has already been absorbed, I doubt you'd have much chance of surviving unless you get immediate medical attention.

I just commented on the op surviving two attempts by puking. I didn't know that was all it took to survive.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I just commented on the op surviving two attempts by puking. I didn't know that was all it took to survive.

It depends how much you vomit. If you hold down enough to kill, then you die. If you don't hold down enough, then you live.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I just commented on the op surviving two attempts by puking. I didn't know that was all it took to survive.

I mean, it's a poison so the more you get rid of in a short space of time through emesis, the less chance there is of it taking effect.

 

[Meditation guide]

Nine out of ten people who died from SN vomited. You can expect to vomit. It does not prevent dying.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Nine out of ten people who died from SN vomited. You can expect to vomit. It does not prevent dying.

As much as I agree, there isn't exactly a way to determine how much sn left in the system of individual will be enough to cause a fatality compared to another who may be able survive if help is sought, of course, people worry about vomiting while unconscious too.

 

[deadinsidex2]

Yeah I think people who go by SN or N are so brave.

Both methods sound horrific mentally, I'd freak out too sitting in my head waiting to die for 15+ minutes.

Did an ambulance come?

N is actually the ideal it's not comparable to sn, with one U go out while in ur sleep with the other it's much more complicated so unless u don't really want to ctb SI nd things like that wouldn't be a problem.