![Bitterman1996](/data/avatars/l/18/18265.jpg?1664116496)
Bitterman1996
Student
- May 20, 2020
- 162
I got a freelance job, have more stable income (at least the minimum wage). I tried continuing my schooling but it doesn't go well so far and probably i will change majors.
But i still have bad problems with loneliness and isolation, i wanna focus more on improving art to compensate that but to start having the push itself i need to be in a better headspace. Talking to a therapist feels like a waste of time and money now but i still struggle with a lot of aspects of my life. I still suspect adhd being the root cause and medication for that is expensive anyway (i couldn't afford it).
home/house furnitures are old and dirty, even if i buy nice things i cannot take care of them. I still struggle with personal hygiene (kinda gross but since i dont leave my room often it doesn't matter as much i guess).
I don't want to be depressed but it's hard not to, especially when I'm putting myself out there. Most artists i met came from well off families, it's not solely because they have materialistic support but also because they have the skill and excel in other things as well. I'm just envious.
I want to be better, do better. But I don't think anything improved much at this rate. It's also depressing since my mother keep asking me about marriage/partner WHEN I HAVE NEVER DATED ANYONE. This one truly makes me want to rope.
Fuckkk I'd rather struggling to earn low wage alone than being stuck marrying someone i don't know well, i struggle so much with relationship issue that I JUST AVOID IT ENTIRELY.
I don't know where I'm going with this but for now im still trying i guess, i need to vent a bit.
But i still have bad problems with loneliness and isolation, i wanna focus more on improving art to compensate that but to start having the push itself i need to be in a better headspace. Talking to a therapist feels like a waste of time and money now but i still struggle with a lot of aspects of my life. I still suspect adhd being the root cause and medication for that is expensive anyway (i couldn't afford it).
home/house furnitures are old and dirty, even if i buy nice things i cannot take care of them. I still struggle with personal hygiene (kinda gross but since i dont leave my room often it doesn't matter as much i guess).
I don't want to be depressed but it's hard not to, especially when I'm putting myself out there. Most artists i met came from well off families, it's not solely because they have materialistic support but also because they have the skill and excel in other things as well. I'm just envious.
I want to be better, do better. But I don't think anything improved much at this rate. It's also depressing since my mother keep asking me about marriage/partner WHEN I HAVE NEVER DATED ANYONE. This one truly makes me want to rope.
Fuckkk I'd rather struggling to earn low wage alone than being stuck marrying someone i don't know well, i struggle so much with relationship issue that I JUST AVOID IT ENTIRELY.
I don't know where I'm going with this but for now im still trying i guess, i need to vent a bit.