I’m getting better, so why do I still wanna kms?

[aalmoa001]

I've been on Flow treatment which is like transcranial stimulation with a headset. (https://www.flowneuroscience.com/research)
I feel like my motivation has gotten so much better and at times my mood
But why do I still wanna kms? Like the thoughts are still very much there.

Whatever scoring system they use, my score is going down, so I'm getting better- it just baffles me that I still feel suicidal. Like will I always feel like this?
I obviously know that mood is the last thing to improve in depression, but in some ways it has improved, I'm happy sometimes but at the end of the day I still feel like ctb is a real option

 

[ketopia]

Maybe there's a comfort there. You've spent so long with ctb as an option to turn to when things are bad, maybe it's like habit almost. You might feel like you're losing the safe way out if you let yourself stop going to that place

 

[_Gollum_]

Suicidal ideation can be tied to mood, but not always. For me, it's ever-present, no matter how good or bad I'm feeling. No matter what happens, it will always be my best option. Maybe even my destiny.

 

[theboy]

KMS?

 

[_Gollum_]

KMS?

Kill myself

 

[telekon]

Because depression isn't just neurological. It's also highly psychological. I want to die too and I'm pretty sure my neurotransmitters are in order. Social and economic problems are usually a factor.

 

[theboy]

Kill myself

Ah
You have a very ingrained idea of kms
That's my explanation to your question