Venting I should have said Goodbye...

[ixkitty]

Okay, so I gave the good ole college try as the book suggested. I had everything in place. I Followed the instructions as stated. Drank the solution. I didn't even vomit.
But what I didn't do was say goodbye to a good friend of mine. He's been the only person to have my back during every episode I've had since knowing him. I let him down as a friend. ALL he promised was to let him know so he could say goodbye.. I didn't even give a thought to letting one person say goodbye and not stop me. But No I was too fucked up in the head to think about him. And I feel like shit about that. I'm wanting to see if I can get another dose out of it. This time I want to tell him myself, and only him. Even if he doesn't care.. I feel like I owe him that much and more. I have to do better math next time.

PS: the only Side effects I have right now is body tremors.
I'm having a hard time making my fingers type. It's almost like my brain is working at 1/3 the speed it normally does.

But I put my prior under this for .. whoever want to screen through it.

Thread 'Is it finally my Time?' https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/is-it-finally-my-time.112043/

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all, it can be easy to forget if one is focused on going through with suicide, but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[ixkitty]

He would have indeed. I mean I know why I didn't say anything much BUT there's' no excuse. The only thing I can do now is if I'm gonna try it again today, I need to let him know first and foremost..