Venting I should have done it earlier

[Rain_Hermit]

I pushed away ctb for a year and decided that I would work it out somehow and things would get better .Thought I would improve myself ,change my mindset blah blah....That was all bullshit.I am back in the same position a year later except I can't even formulate a plan without meeting a roadblock.I am soo stupid.

 

[drumroll]

Well, I have come to the realisation that you don't really have control over much. That you can change as well be changed.
What roadblocks are you meeting?
Wh shouldn't you be able to still ctb?

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very much understandable feeling regretful that you didn't ctb at an earlier date, of course I wish that I ctb a while ago, in fact I wish that I never existed at all, it's unfortunate that I'm still here. I hate how suicide has to be so difficult and complicated for us.

 

[missingpeace]

I wish I had gone within 6 months of getting sick. It's gotten so complicated now because I'm living with family and not living alone. I was hopeful too back then, I wish I had realised sooner that this sickness wasn't going to go away and it would only get worse. Right now I'm just stuck in inaction/limbo. Don't know when the hell I will effing leave this place.

 

[Rain_Hermit]

Well, I have come to the realisation that you don't really have control over much. That you can change as well be changed.
What roadblocks are you meeting?
Wh shouldn't you be able to still ctb?

My depression has me stuck in some sort of limbo..I can't take a step further without breaking down over little things.

 

[sorrowful]

i wished I had done it years ago, even since when I was a kid. i had opportunities i never took because i had at least some idea a miracle would happen and that things would get better. that's what everyone was telling me.

i've come to realize it's all false hope, i'm tired of waiting. not everyone can put up with it for that long and i wish that was more accepted. I hope i can find a way out soon

 

[skylarwhiteyo104781]

I pushed away ctb for a year and decided that I would work it out somehow and things would get better .Thought I would improve myself ,change my mindset blah blah....That was all bullshit.I am back in the same position a year later except I can't even formulate a plan without meeting a roadblock.I am soo stupid.

I get what you're going through because I went through the same thing. I had a perfectly good plan but chickened out and pushed it off. Now the method isn't accessible to me anymore.

Sucks, but I know when I finally CTB (hopefully in the next few weeks) none of this will matter

 

[drumroll]

Well I don't know the details but maybe you can put away as much as you can. Make a mostly clean room,nothing Personal. Go away often, empty spaces.
Sort out what is neccessary. dont start something.
Try to stick to simple things. Make easy goals you want and ignore most other things.
If your Overwhelmed get out of the Situation. Dont get involved. In the end nothing really matters.
Maybe ask yourself questions. If you get mentally stuck on something change topic.
Try to shift Focus.


Take your time and research and making a plan. And go step by step.

I get regretting and wishing to never have been born. In my opinion the longer you will have been gone the more it is as if you never been here.

Maybe that's something. Without background it is hard to tell though.

 

[bigdog]

I don't think that you lost something if it didn't workout for you. At least you had a vision and tried your best. Actually I have the same attitude but in my case life gave me some good things but than again took them away.

 

[Source Energy]

I pushed away ctb for a year and decided that I would work it out somehow and things would get better .Thought I would improve myself ,change my mindset blah blah....That was all bullshit.I am back in the same position a year later except I can't even formulate a plan without meeting a roadblock.I am soo stupid.

Yep...that was me 8 years ago. Stopped my ctb when I was almost there , thought to change my mindset, persist, blah blah blah...here I am after 8 long,hard years, in the same spot, with a much worse situation this time. Why oh why didn't I do it back then when it was almost over? :(

 

[Sparr0w]

i think we all need to remember that our past selves were working under the information they had at the time, and chose what they thought was the best choice with the information they had at the time.

i mean, it doesn't change that you made what seems to the current you to be the wrong choice, and it's absolutely fair to regret it, but i think we can still stand be a little kinder to our past selves :)

 

[bigdog]

i think we all need to remember that our past selves were working under the information they had at the time, and chose what they thought was the best choice with the information they had at the time.

i mean, it doesn't change that you made what seems to the current you to be the wrong choice, and it's absolutely fair to regret it, but i think we can still stand be a little kinder to our past selves :)

Yeah but it is really hard to accept some grave mistakes

 

[ExistHarm]

Yeah but it is really hard to accept some grave mistakes

i think it is ok to not forgive our past selves. i think it is ok to have to live with the knowledge of our past mistakes. the way i think of it is that i will not hurt anyone anymore, and life is built off of suffering as it is. most people use their advanced knowledge from being human to knowingly create more harm, but as long as you dont abuse your power of being human, we dont need to accept our mistakes, but we move on nonetheless