I saw her at work today

[UnwillingSavior]

I know I'll find love again. I know I'll be okay. Just a fucking doozy of a day. I just wanted to vent.

My ex of 5 years, whom had plans to cheat on me but never followed through cause we broke up before she could get away with it (still a cheater in my eyes), showed up at my workplace today. She had a new guy. She wasn't trying to be malicious, I know because she shouldn't know I work at this place.

I've not seen her for one and a half years. I've done so much fucking work on myself given myself so much love, done so many things and made many new connections. Seeing her today, remembering her face and what her smile looks like. It just tears down everything. I had a panic attack and had to leave work early. I've never done that. My boss thankfully understood.

My CTB kit in my closet is ever present in my mind now. And I hate that. Hate seeing my coworkers and boss get engaged because it makes me frustrated, knowing it could have been, SHOULD have been me happy alongside them. To be excited for them and help them plan cause I'm married or some shit too.

I'm angry and sad and numb and amused. I almost forgot what it's like to feel this way. I feel defeated.

 

[timf]

Such encounters can resurrect old feelings and hurt. However, they do diminish over time. I do not know if anyone can actually get to the point of helping an ex plan for a happy wedding. For me that would be a bridge too far. The best one might hope for is to perhaps feel sad for someone whose life trajectory may bring on them future pain. With that one might feel relief that they have dogged a bullet.