Venting i ruined it..

[meowpuppy]

yeah, so, i talked about how i got human contact for the first time, in like, a year or so, just online, but whatever, and it was lovely, but unfortunately, my abrasive self and my incredible distaste for being a normal, compassionate human being has led me to completely snuff it out in record time. well, it was nice while it lasted, at least, but i'm probably just going to distance myself from her on my own because i've realized that it's just led to me becoming too much for somebody to handle. i've been thinking about, instead of having just one romantic partner, or even a few, i'd rather have short, one or two day romantic periods with a bunch of people, i think i've realized why now, because i'm just too abrasive for one person, for even just a few days lol.

i don't know what other option is feasibly available to me to not only ameliorate my lack of love and attention, but also not do this again in the future. the only thing i can see now is suicide

 

[sciatic214899]

hey valerie,

so proud of you for having an interaction with someone. but from what you've said, if im interpreting u correctly, it sounds like you're the one who's made the judgment that you're too much, not the other lady

you aren't 'too much', and u can always return, even if u feel ashamed or incompetent. i know enduring shame is far more easily said than done...

we all love you too valerie! rooting for you no matter what (/⁠ ^⁠_^)/

 

[meowpuppy]

hey valerie,

so proud of you for having an interaction with someone. but from what you've said, if im interpreting u correctly, it sounds like you're the one who's made the judgment that you're too much, not the other lady

you aren't 'too much', and u can always return, even if u feel ashamed or incompetent. i know enduring shame is far more easily said than done...

we all love you too valerie! rooting for you no matter what (/⁠ ^⁠_^)/

well, i think that making that kind of judgement can only come from yourself because you're the only one who has seen all your interactions

but i don't think it's right for you to say i'm not too much when i actually have more detailed reasons for feeling this way than just one interaction, although this interaction has proved my suspicions, which i haven't been able to test out for a year or so

 

[sciatic214899]

well, i think that making that kind of judgement can only come from yourself because you're the only one who has seen all your interactions

but i don't think it's right for you to say i'm not too much when i actually have more detailed reasons for feeling this way than just one interaction, although this interaction has proved my suspicions, which i haven't been able to test out for a year or so

you are absolutely right; my bad! still wish you the best of luck in the future.

 

[post_card]

Being isolated from others for too long unfortunately dimishes our social skills. But they are not unrecoverable. Maybe you could push through and hone your skills?

I know this online companion prob meant something to you. Sorry to hear that you feel like it s your fault.
Also because it was online you can t really expect for everything to click and be fine forever. Just like real life. It could be fine for days and then it just turns out that you differ too much and further contact becomes pointless. Feeling like the bond can't get tightened. And it is fine. That s just life, can t get on with everyone.
Even if you blame yourself for it and want to cut the contact, i still think you should keep trying to find new people to talk to.
Please don t be so hard on yourself. You deserve love. I believe that you can make it.

 

[meowpuppy]

Being isolated from others for too long unfortunately dimishes our social skills. But they are not unrecoverable. Maybe you could push through and hone your skills?

I know this online companion prob meant something to you. Sorry to hear that you feel like it s your fault.
Also because it was online you can t really expect for everything to click and be fine forever. Just like real life. It could be fine for days and then it just turns out that you differ too much and further contact becomes pointless. Feeling like the bond can't get tightened. And it is fine. That s just life, can t get on with everyone.
Even if you blame yourself for it and want to cut the contact, i still think you should keep trying to find new people to talk to.
Please don t be so hard on yourself. You deserve love. I believe that you can make it.

well, it's not a great omen.. and if i hurt her, then i don't really want to talk to anybody else.. and you know, maybe it wasn't my fault, maybe i'm just, sort of like a really sharp knife. it's not my fault i'm like this, but people will still have their skin broken by me. and i don't think this was about me not getting along with her..