Venting I relapsed with sh and I don’t know what to do

[wobblycoatrack]

I just relapsed and I have no idea what to do with myself. I was 3 years clean, 3 years of hard work and ignoring urges and I was so proud of myself. I started wearing short sleeves out in public again for the first time since I was 13, on the rare occasions someone mentioned my scars I would proudly say I was over 3 years clean. I was so proud of myself for overcoming that dark period of my life and I swore to myself I'd never go back… the other night I relapsed properly for the first time and I ended up sobbing for hours. I alternate between feeling numb and sobbing uncontrollably. I want to tell someone, confess to what I did, get help you know? Maybe my mum or my therapist… But I also desperately want to keep it secret. I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself, I can never take this back. What the fuck is wrong with me. Am I ever going to get past this or am I going to be stuck in this cycle till I die? What should I do, how can I be ok again? I know it sounds over dramatic but I've worked so insanely hard to get past this for years, it feels so crushing…

 

[Dot]

"Self-Injury Recovery and Awareness or "SIRA" for short, focuses on filling the massive gap of care for the self-injury community by teaching them how to heal from the inside-out, through a peer-to-peer support group model."

Perhps grp abve cn spport u if u r nt wantng 2 opn up 2 frnds & famly - u cn b opn wth dedc8td spport bt stll b 'secrt' -- thy hve onlne meetngs

Also thre = thred fr helpng wth s.h urgs if thy happn agn

Self Harm Resources

This post is written by @Dot, I am just the messenger Self Harm It's known that there are many users on the forum who self harm for different reasons. This thread is focused mostly on habitual or impulsive/physical self harm. This thread has not been made for any glorification of self harm...

sanctioned-suicide.net

U wre strng fr 3 yrs & yse thngs cn happn -- cn undrstnd tht u r strugglng wth relpse bt try 2 b gntle on urslf if u cn