Help i really need relationship advice

[starryhrtz]

i think my bf will break up with me because im too tired to do anything, long ago i used to be the really loud talkative person in the relationship but ive lost all of those qualities. he asks me to try a bit harder to show him i do love him, and i really do ofc, but i cant even take care of myself properly, im constantly trying to plan ctb and idk what to do anymore,, i know he does deserve better than this so should i just let him end it or is there some way to stop it

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I think he doesn't understand what you're going through and that he should love you the way you are and give you support. If he was going through the same as you he would expect the same. How are you supposed to feel better without support?

I don't know if there is anything you can do, if he hasn't learned that lesson by himself. You could try to have a conversation with him about it. He's asking a lot of you when you're already going through a lot.

 

[Zazacosta]

Have you tried to told him what you feel like?

 

[willitpass]

While it is extremely painful to lose someone because of being sick, it's also extremely emotionally taxing to stay with someone who is depressed and not getting better. If you have it in you to go to therapy and show him that you're actively putting in work to get better I think you may have a chance. As painful as it is, though, I've always rather believed that after a certain period of time it is reasonable for people to leave us. It's draining and bad for their mental health to be constantly trying to help us and keep us alive, it becomes detrimental to their own well being. It's not any fault of your own, you're sick, but he may just be at the end of his own rope.

 

[Zazacosta]

@willitpass That is good point. But we do not know how long is @starryhrtz in this mood, of if tries any therapy or how it is painful.

 

[starryhrtz]

Have you tried to told him what you feel like?

i did, he also does know i attempted before and that i was planning to again recently, but i think he doesnt really understand the concept ? idk how to describe it

 

[escape_from_hell]

What Zazacosta said.

Looking back at times in a long relationship, I am still in love with her by the time, I think there were times I misread the situation because I did not know. I wish she explained herself. But I see that she likely did not because she was feeling in doubt and in a situation like you are describing.

She might not have explained out of worry I would judge her more. Set aside that worry. If he cares this is the thing he needs to hear and understand. If if he separates because of it, it should be because he admits he cannot handle that type of relationship for the moment and it would be better for you both. Try and work up the courage to express yourself on this one. People here might help you find the right words (I would but I am struggling with energy myself right now).

 

[SexyIncél]

Ho boy. This is hard. Looking at your past posts, you seem to have a loop of high energy, then you crash. So it seems easiest to act loving & communicative when you're up

I imagine a breakup will push you over the edge? You deserve better than this

I imagine he demands lots of attention/fun? Not the sort of guy who's chill if you're lying about, sometimes cuddling you?

 

[escape_from_hell]

i did, he also does know i attempted before and that i was planning to again recently, but i think he doesnt really understand the concept ? idk how to describe it

That's unfortunate. Maybe someone more suave than I can help find better words to help make it clear though.

 

[AnonymousL]

i did, he also does know i attempted before and that i was planning to again recently, but i think he doesnt really understand the concept ? idk how to describe it

People will never understand what its like to be at rock bottom until they experienced it themselves.

My best friend went from "now i understand how you are feeling" to sucesfully comitting 2 months later.

They can try to understand but they won't be able to do so.

 

[starryhrtz]

While it is extremely painful to lose someone because of being sick, it's also extremely emotionally taxing to stay with someone who is depressed and not getting better. If you have it in you to go to therapy and show him that you're actively putting in work to get better I think you may have a chance. As painful as it is, though, I've always rather believed that after a certain period of time it is reasonable for people to leave us. It's draining and bad for their mental health to be constantly trying to help us and keep us alive, it becomes detrimental to their own well being. It's not any fault of your own, you're sick, but he may just be at the end of his own rope.

i tried therapy before but its expensive and isnt really effective on me, and i really agree, he wants breaking up to be the very last option and keeps trying to make it work but it makes me feel very guilty sometimes

 

[BardBarrie]

If you know you're dead-set on CTB then I'd say break up with him.
It'll make things easier on them and you eliminate the possibility of them being the one to find your corpse.

If you're unsure about CTB and wish to stay with him, then do what you can to keep him whilst also getting help for yourself.

 

[Zazacosta]

i did, he also does know i attempted before and that i was planning to again recently, but i think he doesnt really understand the concept ? idk how to describe it

I do not know. Maybe what @escape_from_hell wrote. Try to explain, explain, explain. He will either understand and help you, or leave you anyway. Or you can also offer that you take a break in your relationship and you try to recover. But that would need if you really want to try some therapy or any other way of treatment.

 

[starryhrtz]

Ho boy. This is hard. Looking at your past posts, you seem to have a loop of high energy, then you crash. So it seems easiest to act loving & communicative when you're up

I imagine a breakup will push you over the edge? You deserve better than this

I imagine he demands lots of attention/fun? Not the sort of guy who's chill if you're lying about, sometimes cuddling you?

yeah exactly, its always easier for me and the people around me when im back to being overenergetic,, he is actually the chill kind of guy and doesnt like activities, he just prefers good communication and assurance but i struggle with that most and tend to shut down even more after confrontation

 

[SexyIncél]

he wants breaking up to be the very last option and keeps trying to make it work

he is actually the chill kind of guy and doesnt like activities, he just prefers good communication and assurance but i struggle with that most and tend to shut down even more after confrontation

Ok, good, we've got something to work with here... not perfect, but certainly not disastrous

Does he appreciate low-key humor? Like a little post-it note, that you stick on yourself like a sign, that changes every few days?

 

[starryhrtz]

Ok, good, we've got something to work with here... not perfect, but certainly not disastrous

Does he appreciate low-key humor? Like a little post-it note, that you stick on yourself like a sign, that changes every few days?

View attachment 137755

omg idk how i didnt think of that earlier actually this will help a lot thank you!!

 

[SexyIncél]

Please feel free to keep us posted on how it goes! If any problems remain, we can return to the drawing board

 

[starryhrtz]

Please feel free to keep us posted on how it goes! If any problems remain, we can return to the drawing boa

its going decently i think? we made up but he did say he doesnt know why he doesnt feel loved by me when i asked for a specific reason so that still kinda stings,, i just hope it turns out well also tysm !!!!