Venting i purposefully ruined my life

[throneofdispair03]

I really had it going for me. I had good habits and had things I liked but I just decided that I don't deserve that. I purposefully ruined my life and now I'm a shill who sits on his computer all day. I don't know why I did this but I feel it's necessary. I try my best to avoid things that make me happy because I don't deserve happiness. I feel crazy, man.

 

[donsie]

Same, I self sabotaged myself this time around. Have a good job, place to live etc. actually got a little help from the pro lifers and did pretty good for myself. The last month or so I just decided to give money away, max out credit cards around the holidays all while not paying my bills. I don't care, I don't want to live with these people in my head anymore!

 

[matt1968]

This is exactly me too.

I have a cycle of doing okay, then make immature decisions, bad coping that I don't address when things not too bad and get in giant holes.

This one feels too much.

 

[Dingusguy]

Not sure I fit into the category but I guess I sorta do? I have a bunch of issues that are mostly fixable, but for some reason I just don't do anything about them, I have no motivation to better myself, no energy to heal, and I am beginning to run low on money but I still can't bring myself to find a job. It's strange.
I feel bad for anyone who doesn't think they deserve happiness or joy, because I think everyone deserves it. I hope whatever you're going through gets better or that you find peace in some other way.
That foes for OP and everyone else who feels the same way, I hope you all find some peace.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I was finally doing better in 2017 - 2019 I had a decent job, hobbies and hopes but I couldn't handle the COVID situation it broke me. It was like the final nail into the coffin. Everything spiraled downwards from there

 

[miaumiau]

Same. Self sabotaging sucks.