I never used to understand why people kill themselves now I finally do

[FireFox]

Growing up religious I was raised to believe suicide was selfish and cowardly. My grandmother and mother went through a lot of suffering living in a 3rd world country and other issues in their lives. My family believe because they overcome adversity anyone can and people who dont are cowards. I used to be those people who thought suicide was selfish I now see this as karma.

At 25 years old right now all I want is to do is die right now. I feel so overwhelmed with all my problems in my life and I can see not see any relief nor improvement. I cant ever see it getting better. I have never felt so alone in my life with nowhere to turn too. I feel like I am sinking and I can't fight anymore to stay above surface level.
I feel like I am in a nightmare but it is not this reality.

 

[jodes2]

Many problems can be fixed. They just need to be broken up into easily solvable problems that can be fixed one at a time, and that sometimes needs the help of a therapist to appreciate. Not all problems are solvable, but a surprisingly large number are. Negative, inaccurate thoughts are often a root cause for believing that the mass of problems is unsolvable. They keyword there is inaccurate. They need to be challenged and replaced with positive, more accurate beliefs with the help of guidance. You just need to tackle problems, one little bit at a time, which includes inaccurate negative beliefs. You feel bogged down. That's common, and completely understandable. You're certainly not a coward. You're overwhelmed. You need help to unravel your problems. One thing at a time. One problem at a time. One negative inaccurate belief at a time.

 

[SamTam33]

I was watching a YouTube video where a highly religious person said something very similar.

She was discussing her breakdown during and after the pandemic, and she said that before - she thought how weak people who commited suicide were.

Then she started to cry and said, "No... no. It's just that they were in so much pain."

It wasn't until she felt that same weight in her chest, day-in and day-out, that she could empathize.

One of the saddest things about human beings is our inability to acknowledge another's pain.

That big ass brain. And all we use it for is to stay alive and hoard resources for ourselves. No different than a rat or snake.

 

[LastFlowers]

Many problems can be fixed. They just need to be broken up into easily solvable problems that can be fixed one at a time, and that sometimes needs the help of a therapist to appreciate. Not all problems are solvable, but a surprisingly large number are. Negative, inaccurate thoughts are often a root cause for believing that the mass of problems is unsolvable. They keyword there is inaccurate. They need to be challenged and replaced with positive, more accurate beliefs with the help of guidance. You just need to tackle problems, one little bit at a time, which includes inaccurate negative beliefs. You feel bogged down. That's common, and completely understandable. You're certainly not a coward. You're overwhelmed. You need help to unravel your problems. One thing at a time. One problem at a time. One negative inaccurate belief at a time.

Negative does not automatically equal "inaccurate".
Positive does not automatically equal "accurate".

Addressing negative circumstances for what they are does not mean you are a negative person with an inherently negative outlook.

I think this much needs to be said, so that's why I'm putting it out there.


Are you getting this information/narrative from a cognitive behavioral handbook?
Or similar?
I'm just wondering.
Because that therapy technique is infamous for basically brainwashing people and invalidating their very real detriments.
Or demanding that they "reframe" them to the point they are no longer an accurate portrayal of reality.
All in the name of "positivity" and ignorance in order to merely keep on surviving.
See many reviews of former patients who fell prey to this "treatment" and you'll find out how massively damaging gaslighting and invalidation can be to the human brain.
It can cause more problems than it sets out to solve.

Idk that OP has really given enough information to determine whether or not their assessment needs to be "challenged".
I don't know what they mean by their final sentence.
It could mean that things are so bad that they are in utter disbelief that it's all real (even though unfortunately it is), or it could lean more into what you're getting at.

 

[jodes2]

Negative does not automatically equal "inaccurate".
Positive does not automatically equal "accurate".

Addressing negative circumstances for what they are does not mean you are a negative person with an inherently negative outlook.

I think this much needs to be said, so that's why I'm putting it out there.


Are you getting this information/narrative from a cognitive behavioral handbook?
Or similar?
I'm just wondering.
Because that therapy technique is infamous for basically brainwashing people and invalidating their very real detriments.
Or demanding that they "reframe" them to the point they are no longer an accurate portrayal of reality.
All in the name of "positivity" and ignorance in order to merely keep on surviving.
See many reviews of former patients who fell prey to this "treatment" and you'll find out how massively damaging gaslighting and invalidation can be to the human brain.
It can cause more problems than it sets out to solve.

Idk that OP has really given enough information to determine whether or not their assessment needs to be "challenged".
I don't know what they mean by their final sentence.
It could mean that things are so bad that they are in utter disbelief that it's all real (even though unfortunately it is), or it could lean more into what you're getting at.

Absolutely agree. But often it does. And it's about changing what you can to more helpful realistic positive thoughts.

I suppose CBT can be mis applied, or misinterpreted, yes. But there are important truths that help a person break down barriers to recovery. And that's pretty bloody important. I've been through CBT a lot and understand well how it's meant to work. A lot of it, not everything, I'm not exactly a well trained professional but I've internalised the techniques and have learned how to apply it to myself as well as others. Don't knock it saying it's brain washing, that's kinda ridiculous. It's a technique for analysing thoughts. That's all.

It's kind of disgusting that you sit there and try and sabotage someone's recovery based on misguided understanding of something you clearly haven't learned to use to your advantage for yourself. You don't understand it, clearly. Don't go there. It's kinda sick

 

[LastFlowers]

I was watching a YouTube video where a highly religious person said something very similar.

She was discussing her breakdown during and after the pandemic, and she said that before - she thought how weak people who commited suicide were.

Then she started to cry and said, "No... no. It's just that they were in so much pain."

It wasn't until she felt that same weight in her chest, day-in and day-out, that she could empathize.

One of the saddest things about human beings is our inability to acknowledge another's pain.

That big ass brain. And all we use it for is to stay alive and hoard resources for ourselves. No different than a rat or snake.

The Lady Gaga song "Til It Happens To You" comes to mind^

 

[FireFox]

Many problems can be fixed. They just need to be broken up into easily solvable problems that can be fixed one at a time, and that sometimes needs the help of a therapist to appreciate. Not all problems are solvable, but a surprisingly large number are. Negative, inaccurate thoughts are often a root cause for believing that the mass of problems is unsolvable. They keyword there is inaccurate. They need to be challenged and replaced with positive, more accurate beliefs with the help of guidance. You just need to tackle problems, one little bit at a time, which includes inaccurate negative beliefs. You feel bogged down. That's common, and completely understandable. You're certainly not a coward. You're overwhelmed. You need help to unravel your problems. One thing at a time. One problem at a time. One negative inaccurate belief at a time.

@jodes2 All I wanted was to be happy, in a stable career with a man who loved and appreciated me. This year so much has gone wrong it's one thing after another

I can not stop panicking and crying right now because right now I have not got a single friend in the world to confined in and I now finally realise I am nothing but a stupid 25 year old woman who f*cked up big time falling in love with a 55 male work colleague who has humiliated me and created problems for me. I feel like the most hated person in the workplace. I have no allies and no one.

After I told my work colleague I was in love with him and that I dont want this to complicate things at work. The man told me its "nothing to worry" about and "we are cool". The fucking arsehole goes to my line manager and complains how I made him feel uncomfortable at work. Today my manager called a meeting and has given me warning and next time my I will be in a HR meeting for workplace harassment. Its on my work file. Already I had an issue at work with an arsehole customer. For now I have no punishment but I feel the damage is done.

The work emails I sent my colleague were pretty much normal and maybe too private bit I trusted him

- I complimented his appearance
- opened up about issues in my home life because I trusted him. He told me his home stuff too.
- helped him with his work
- gave him encouragement
- I told him I loved him and accepted he is in a relationship. I wished him well

It was so awful the meeting with my line manager. He is the same age group the man. Two middle aged men against me at work. This is my 1st ever full time job this is how it ends you this is so embrassing.

 

[jodes2]

@jodes2 All I wanted was to be happy, in a stable career with a man who loved and appreciated me. This year so much has gone wrong it's one thing after another

I can not stop panicking and crying right now because right now I have not got a single friend in the world to confined in and I now finally realise I am nothing but a stupid 25 year old woman who f*cked up big time falling in love with a 55 male work colleague who has humiliated me and created problems for me. I feel like the most hated person in the workplace. I have no allies and no one.

After I told my work colleague I was in love with him and that I dont want this to complicate things at work. The man told me its "nothing to worry" about and "we are cool". The fucking arsehole goes to my line manager and complains how I made him feel uncomfortable at work. Today my manager called a meeting and has given me warning and next time my I will be in a HR meeting for workplace harassment. Its on my work file. Already I had an issue at work with an arsehole customer. For now I have no punishment but I feel the damage is done.

The work emails I sent my colleague were pretty much normal and maybe too private bit I trusted him

- I complimented his appearance
- opened up about issues in my home life because I trusted him. He told me his home stuff too.
- helped him with his work
- gave him encouragement
- I told him I loved him and accepted he is in a relationship. I wished him well

It was so awful the meeting with my line manager. He is the same age group the man. Two middle aged men against me at work. This is my 1st ever full time job this is how it ends you this is so embrassing.

Oh dear that sounds hellish. That must have felt like it destroyed you inside. I had a little taste of similar feelings earlier as it happens, just for a fresh reminder of how it can feel but it wasn't nearly as involved as your scenario sounds, so thankfully I can sorta just move on from it and try to just forget about it. But situations like that in the workplace really linger especially when there was such a deep relationship. Lots of painful feelings there, I'm so sorry Hun it must really put a dent in your trust n people, and you have to bloody go back there to work with them. What a nightmare. I'm a real quitter, after something like that I'd probably just quit the job!!! But something tells me you're stronger than me. I'd have trouble looking anyone in they eye after all that. Yeah, that sort of experience does damage for sure. I'm sure a confident, assertive person would know how to deal with this situation, or at least work it through and try to make the situation workable, but emotionally it's daunting. I don't know what advice I can really give other than things will probably get easier with time. This is where relationship skills really help, trying to fix any bad sides to any relationships that have been caused by this. Maybe just avoiding people could work to a degree, but sometimes you just have to talk with people in a certain way to clear the air, it's a difficult one. But if you can I'd so try not to rush into anything? Just try to do your job as professionally as you can, people can't hold that against you unless they're really toxic and jealous of a hard worker. Workplace dynamics can be tough

 

[FireFox]

Oh dear that sounds hellish. That must have felt like it destroyed you inside. I had a little taste of similar feelings earlier as it happens, just for a fresh reminder of how it can feel but it wasn't nearly as involved as your scenario sounds, so thankfully I can sorta just move on from it and try to just forget about it. But situations like that in the workplace really linger especially when there was such a deep relationship. Lots of painful feelings there, I'm so sorry Hun it must really put a dent in your trust n people, and you have to bloody go back there to work with them. What a nightmare. I'm a real quitter, after something like that I'd probably just quit the job!!! But something tells me you're stronger than me. I'd have trouble looking anyone in they eye after all that. Yeah, that sort of experience does damage for sure. I'm sure a confident, assertive person would know how to deal with this situation, or at least work it through and try to make the situation workable, but emotionally it's daunting. I don't know what advice I can really give other than things will probably get easier with time. This is where relationship skills really help, trying to fix any bad sides to any relationships that have been caused by this. Maybe just avoiding people could work to a degree, but sometimes you just have to talk with people in a certain way to clear the air, it's a difficult one. But if you can I'd so try not to rush into anything? Just try to do your job as professionally as you can, people can't hold that against you unless they're really toxic and jealous of a hard worker. Workplace dynamics can be tough

I don't even want to go to work tomorrow because right now it feels like it's me against the workplace.

I can't win anymore. My workplace never supports me in anything. I had a customer who was a mega arsehole and when I told the truth about her unfair behaviour, i was quite vocal and harsh. The workplace management was behaving as if I was beating the customer. It was awful.

 

[downndone2]

I lost my marriage, my finances, my business several years ago. That year is still haunting me to this day. My heart is still shattered.

Before all the above happened I never experienced the desire to ctb, now I think about it multiple times a day. I'm in my mid 40s

 

[Blackroom_57]

Most people don't understand why people commit suicide because they've never been in dire straits. You have to be suffering tremendously to even consider suicide as an option. Once you do, you will understand how others arrive at that state of mind.

 

[FireFox]

Most people don't understand why people commit suicide because they've never been in dire straits. You have to be suffering tremendously to even consider suicide as an option. Once you do, you will understand how others arrive at that state of mind.

@Blackroom_57 People judge those who are in deep depression but nobody ever sees the person's determination to create a better future of themselves. I am so f*cking tired of fighting and nothing ever working out. I fought so hard to create a better life for myself and I am done.

I have no energy to fight anymore. I feel so defeated. Never have I felt so powerless, alone and trapped. I won the battle but I have lost the war.

I finally understand how it feels to want to die, to escape this world and the mental torment which has no relief.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Growing up religious I was raised to believe suicide was selfish and cowardly. My grandmother and mother went through a lot of suffering living in a 3rd world country and other issues in their lives. My family believe because they overcome adversity anyone can and people who dont are cowards. I used to be those people who thought suicide was selfish I now see this as karma.

At 25 years old right now all I want is to do is die right now. I feel so overwhelmed with all my problems in my life and I can see not see any relief nor improvement. I cant ever see it getting better. I have never felt so alone in my life with nowhere to turn too. I feel like I am sinking and I can't fight anymore to stay above surface level.
I feel like I am in a nightmare but it is not this reality.

I was raised the same way. Even though I wanted to die since I was a teenager. I just don't see any point in suffering my entire life just to have it end into nothing. Some of us are not made for this world.

 

[Papilio_polyxenes]

I was contemplating suicide at age 15, and I knew even at ages 11-13 that I would struggle to make it as an adult. I honestly didn't expect I'd make it to 26 - feel old as fuck.

I wish my story was of the inspirational, "it gets better" variety. Things have gotten infinitely worse, and I'm so thankful that I won't need to make it much longer.

As for your case? Fuck this guy. While everyone here is well above legal age, he's old enough to be your father. Unless he's Leonardo DiCaprio, you can do better. Probably wanted a younger mistress and a "respectable" public relationship with a woman his own age.

Don't let him portray you as a homewrecker and himself as the victim. You shouldn't have sent that e-mail, and you need to discontinue any further contact with him. Do other women at your job think he's a cad or a womanizer? No reason at all to let him win here.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I've always been able to understand why people ctb, as suicide is what has always made sense to me and I've always hated existing. I've never been able to understand why people wish to exist and still don't.
But it's true that this world is such a hellish place, and I do believe that anyone could become suicidal if they suffer enough. There is simply no limit as to how awful things can get if we stay here and this is just the reality. But I believe that so many in this world are blinded by their delusions and privileges, I mean they must be to be against suicide and I cannot stand those types of people. The reality is that there could never be anything wrong with suicide no matter what.

 

[hellispink]

There is always a first time for everything. Even for this. Once we fall its almost impossible to get out but with death.

 

[FireFox]

I was contemplating suicide at age 15, and I knew even at ages 11-13 that I would struggle to make it as an adult. I honestly didn't expect I'd make it to 26 - feel old as fuck.

I wish my story was of the inspirational, "it gets better" variety. Things have gotten infinitely worse, and I'm so thankful that I won't need to make it much longer.

As for your case? Fuck this guy. While everyone here is well above legal age, he's old enough to be your father. Unless he's Leonardo DiCaprio, you can do better. Probably wanted a younger mistress and a "respectable" public relationship with a woman his own age.

Don't let him portray you as a homewrecker and himself as the victim. You shouldn't have sent that e-mail, and you need to discontinue any further contact with him. Do other women at your job think he's a cad or a womanizer? No reason at all to let him win here.

@Papilio_polyxenes I have now cut all contact with him and now just starting again. Luckily things are work are starting to calm down and I am not getting punished for anything. It did feel like the end of the world when he talked me about my line manager behind my back. Something that was private between us is not anymore. I learnt my work colleagues can't be trusted either even the ones i thought were good.

I can't believe I fell in love with a 55 year old man. I All my life I have been attracted to guys my age group. I never ever thought this would happen to me.

 

[Already Gone now]

Most people don't understand why people commit suicide because they've never been in dire straits. You have to be suffering tremendously to even consider suicide as an option. Once you do, you will understand how others arrive at that state of mind.

Not necessarily suffering tremendously to consider suicide, and that doesn't necessarily mean they'll arrive at a similar state of mind as you, in fact I think it's the isolation amongst people would be contributing to the separation of understanding. Remember, we're all divergent no matter how much your threshold for mental suffering is similar to someone else and must be handled as such, in my own opinion and life path do I say that. A thing that helped me going from "you" statements to affirming "I" statements helps to identify with someone rather than assume you fully understand what they're going through without assumptions. Sorry if my advice sound's like I'm trying to tell you how be. I hope you realize my opinion was only that. Another opinion, in respect.