Venting I need to have a CTB method ready, at all times.

[ToANewWorld]

I have been struck with a rare medical condition that sucks all of the fun out of life and replaces it with physical pain.

In most good day, I don't feel suicidal. I tend to focus my mental energy on what little joys I have left. But on bad days, where I am in agony, all I want to do is CTB. Every episode of pain is a traumatic experience.

Today I am having a good day and yet I keep thinking what if life gets worse from here?

What if it gets so bad, I lose the ability to CTB?

I cannot rest until I have made all of the arrangements required to CTB whenever I please.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so cruel to me how there's all this pain and suffering in existing with no limit as to how much one can suffer, I understand just wanting a way to be free from it all, I hope you find the relief you are searching for, I wish you the best.

 

[ToANewWorld]

It's so cruel to me how there's all this pain and suffering in existing with no limit as to how much one can suffer, I understand just wanting a way to be free from it all, I hope you find the relief you are searching for, I wish you the best.

You always think you have bad... then you descend a new level of suffering... hell is not in the afterlife. Hell is living

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

emil cioran once said

Without the idea of suicide I would have surely killed myself.

There is definitely a safety that comes from having a way of leaving this (prison) world.