Venting I miss the feeling of hanging myself

[rdelia_]

I miss the feeling of hanging myself. The thought of being free from the world instead of just waiting any longer, the way my body would tremble uncontrollably and paralyze my legs, my head hung low in shame for finding something like this as my happiness, searching for my own happiness and meaning in life was completely futile, in the end; there was no meaning to life, "finding your own reason to live" was a bullshit excuse, how could you find meaning in your life if God was still playing tricks on you and trying to act like everything was fine, was it my fault that I couldn't handle all of this? It was God's plan that made me do this, so doing something like this must also be in God's plan, I couldn't even find a reason to get out of bed, why did I have to make reasons for my entire life? The law causality is bullshit. Everyone has wronged me for no reason, so why should I find a reason to live? Why does everything need a reason? If I kill myself, will people find a reason why? Or will they blame my environment? I don't know how to end this note, so if there is another life, I hope it won't be like this, and if there isn't another life, I will burn in hell forever, and I think I deserve that too

 

[Cauliflour]

I like the feeling of suffocation too but I'm paranoid cause that's how I attempted and it fucked with my mental health ever since. Although I think my case is moreso a sexual thing with the rush of suicide intertwined so idk.

 

[SuicidalCheese]

I like the feeling of suffocation too but I'm paranoid cause that's how I attempted and it fucked with my mental health ever since. Although I think my case is moreso a sexual thing with the rush of suicide intertwined so idk.

As someone with some pretty weird kinks, I think that your hypothesis is correct. I tried cutting the first time (I was ~7, don't judge me), and I felt a sort of euphoria. Turns out, I just like to SH.

 

[rdelia_]

I like the feeling of suffocation too but I'm paranoid cause that's how I attempted and it fucked with my mental health ever since. Although I think my case is moreso a sexual thing with the rush of suicide intertwined so

lmao, i get that alot.
i like the feeling of romanticizing my own suicide, well, i feel some sort of happiness seeing myself got hurt, but not in some masochism way, y'know?

As someone with some pretty weird kinks, I think that your hypothesis is correct. I tried cutting the first time (I was ~7, don't judge me), and I felt a sort of euphoria. Turns out, I just like to SH.

no worries, we won't judge. i havent discovered much about my kinks, but you made me curious about myself now for the first time.. im gonna find out, lol