I might not have what it takes to ctb.

[coileanbeag]

Self-knowledge is the beginning of all wisdom. If you don't think you will be able to do this (regardless of whether you'd want to or not) you should look into ways to improving your life and forget about the idea of suicide altogether.

It's no use to dwell on something you'll probably never do. If you can't die live to the best of your ability.

I think you've learned about yourself and will grow because of it. Good for you.

I'm so sorry you have to feel this way try not to beat up yourself for something out of your control. It's hard when the majority don't see mental illness as an illness and more of a choice of mindset. You shouldn't feel like you need to feel like you need to appreciate things, if you don't you don't and that's ok. You love yours kids and that's what truly matters. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[BrokenMess]

That's what I am so sick of. Esp with my husband. He thinks I choose to be this way. Like seriously, who would choose to be unhappy, depressed, and anxious? It's a curse!! Noone chooses mental illness just as noone choose a heart attack or brain tumor.

 

[FauxEmotions]

That's what I am so sick of. Esp with my husband. He thinks I choose to be this way. Like seriously, who would choose to be unhappy, depressed, and anxious? It's a curse!! Noone chooses mental illness just as noone choose a heart attack or brain tumor.

I hope your husband sees the errors in his ways. I've lost the only person I truly loved in this world because I was ignorant to mental health.

 

[BrokenMess]

I hope your husband sees the errors in his ways. I've lost the only person I truly loved in this world because I was ignorant to mental health.

I am sorry to hear that. People that dont suffer just dont understand. It's not their fault because they just dont have the ability to understand. Neither did I until things got worse and worse. I hope you dont harbor too much guilt for what you went through. One healthy brain can not fully understand the depths of an unhealthy brain plagued by mental health problems. I just get angry that he thinks this is a choice. I am jealous of happy light hearted people. Why would I for a second choose this?

 

[FauxEmotions]

I am sorry to hear that. People that dont suffer just dont understand. It's not their fault because they just dont have the ability to understand. Neither did I until things got worse and worse. I hope you dont harbor too much guilt for what you went through. One healthy brain can not fully understand the depths of an unhealthy brain plagued by mental health problems. I just get angry that he thinks this is a choice. I am jealous of happy light hearted people. Why would I for a second choose this?

I don't know if it's guilt... as much as it just breaks my heart that I wasn't able to be the rock my love needed. I never reflected on life/evaluated anything... just "living" between sleeping. Couple that with her struggles made for a sad/devastating breakup. I know without me she's better, but I wish I could show her that it was just my blocking out of the world as a whole, not her.... but that would just be feeding my egos need to not look like a monster. You're absolutely right, no one would willing choose pain/having a brain that is their biggest enemy.