I lost my Faith and with it the only reason keeping me alive.

[UnnervedCompany]

I think I mentioned this in the chat before but the main reason I have not CTB was because in my religion anyone who commits CTB rots in hell forever due to it being a way of defying God and that kept my terrified for CTB (and also I felt like that dying now would be anticlimactic for everything I went through but I don't care about that anymore). Now the only reason I don't want to CTB is because I'll make my friends cry. I kind of stopped caring about how my family thinks they would kill me if they find out a second I am gay. I am not sure if I should start preparing by finding a source of SN gathering research and all of that but I think I might. I am starting therapy in 9 days but I don't care anymore I just want the endless sleep.