Venting I like life, but that's not enough for keep living. Does someone else feel like this?

[mexican_patty]

I want to vent a little bit about my feelings. I think life can be beautiful, and I think we as people have a reason and meaning to be alive. But that's not enough to keep going. I think life is good, I enjoy it, but I no longer see myself in it, I can't think about my future whether is tomorrow, next week, next month or next year.

I have amazing friends. I'm kinda getting along with my family after years of fights and abuse. I have hobbies I enjoy and support from loved ones. I try to enjoy my day to day life and I try to see the positive in things as much as I possibly can. But I can't stop thinking all of this feelings are superfluous and maybe my meaning of life has ended already, plus I've been feeling angry, tired and depressed for years. I yearn for a peaceful death, I'm stressed thinking that I will continue living like this.

Also I've been reading posts here about people thinking that life has no meaning, that being alive is only about suffering or that humans are awful, and even though I don't think that way (but I respect it because everybody's journey with life and depression or mental health is different) I relate to them in the sense that I don't want to suffer anymore and I understand where those ideas come from.

I'm planning on CTB later this week or month, I don't know what will happen, sometimes I have hope, but out of nowhere I feel empty. Does someone else feel like this?

 

[derpyderpins]

Everyone's situation is unique and they have their own reasons. What your posting reminds me of someone in my class at college who killed himself. He sat up front every class and had friends and got good grades and always seemed positive, but apparently he left a note basically saying "yeah I just always knew I was going to do this someday."

An issue is that we're all trying to relate to each other, but as you point out you are not the norm. I've got nothing to say except I hope whatever happens is for the best and you find peace, whether in life or otherwise.

 

[Hotsackage]

If I could be buzzed all day, I might consider living a full life. So ya I kind of am with you

 

[Ash]

Yeah. If it wasn't for my circumstances, I'd want to live and make the most of my time in this world. I totally get why other people laugh and dance and love and have babies and get excited about their friends' babies, and are desperate to cling on to every last moment of their precious time and live to a ripe old age and meet their grand children and their children. None of that's for me and I've known that for a long time, even before I became suicidal. But I don't want to take everyone else down with me.

 

[fleetingnight]

A lot of suicides are described as "unexpected" by the people closest to them. I wonder if a lot of them felt this way, but never said anything.