Help I know I could get better but I don’t wanna try

[catsrprettycuteman]

i am a well abled person with good friends and with a boyfriend (wow)
But I can't get rid of my feelings to want to die, I genuinely don't know if I want to live or not. I hate living knowing I'm the problem for how I feel and I should really give myself a break but i want to see my friends yk but recently these feelings have been becoming too "loud" i want to die so bad some days, my family isn't the greatest and I'm just thinking am I in the wrong place? will things improve if I'm out of my situation? Do I truly want to commit suicide? I want to feel nothing to be honest, I just don't want to live anymore sometimes. i have so many issues from just being depressed all the time to body dysphoria, people harassing me, abuse, and medical scares that make me wonder if I'm healthy or not, I would rather die quickly then waiting for my sicknesses to kill me already.
(that if I do have anything wrong with my health.)

but I'm also kinda glad that I'm not that bad though, I can still walk and talk and do things as such, living makes me feel guilty cause of it too. I bet someone else would do anything to be able to do normal body functions yk. I always feel like shit for everything.

Should I ctb or live feeling like shit for a long ass time.

 

[Alias_Asuka]

i am a well abled person with good friends and with a boyfriend (wow)
But I can't get rid of my feelings to want to die, I genuinely don't know if I want to live or not. I hate living knowing I'm the problem for how I feel and I should really give myself a break but i want to see my friends yk but recently these feelings have been becoming too "loud" i want to die so bad some days, my family isn't the greatest and I'm just thinking am I in the wrong place? will things improve if I'm out of my situation? Do I truly want to commit suicide? I want to feel nothing to be honest, I just don't want to live anymore sometimes. i have so many issues from just being depressed all the time to body dysphoria, people harassing me, abuse, and medical scares that make me wonder if I'm healthy or not, I would rather die quickly then waiting for my sicknesses to kill me already.
(that if I do have anything wrong with my health.)

but I'm also kinda glad that I'm not that bad though, I can still walk and talk and do things as such, living makes me feel guilty cause of it too. I bet someone else would do anything to be able to do normal body functions yk. I always feel like shit for everything.

Should I ctb or live feeling like shit for a long ass time.

If you feel like there is a chance of getting better chase it. We all have highs and lows, but if you chase those glimmers of hope at the end of the tunnel, you'll be able to look back and appreciate your efforts. But I've also fallen for the same trap of finding some sick satisfaction of being depressed and wanting to CTB (I honestly don't know why.) Yet, I'm here and I'm achieving many goals, every now and then the want to just end it all and give up does come, but continuing to live through it has brought genuine fulfilment in my life.

In conclusion, if you feel like you can get better but you don't feel like it, chase that little voice in your head that points you towards recovery. Get some affirmation from your boyfriend and friends regarding your body dysmorphia and believe their positive affirmations.

 

[catsrprettycuteman]

If you feel like there is a chance of getting better chase it. We all have highs and lows, but if you chase those glimmers of hope at the end of the tunnel, you'll be able to look back and appreciate your efforts. But I've also fallen for the same trap of finding some sick satisfaction of being depressed and wanting to CTB (I honestly don't know why.) Yet, I'm here and I'm achieving many goals, every now and then the want to just end it all and give up does come, but continuing to live through it has brought genuine fulfilment in my life.

In conclusion, if you feel like you can get better but you don't feel like it, chase that little voice in your head that points you towards recovery. Get some affirmation from your boyfriend and friends regarding your body dysmorphia and believe they're positive affirmations.

I have a hard time opening up to my friends and boyfriend. me and him have been kinda just barely talking and it's a lot for me ngl we have a lot of issues in our relationship but I'm really going to try to speak to him about helping me get better.

thank you a lot for your advice I really do appreciate it <33

 

[Alias_Asuka]

I have a hard time opening up to my friends and boyfriend. me and him have been kinda just barely talking and it's a lot for me ngl we have a lot of issues in our relationship but I'm really going to try to speak to him about helping me get better.

thank you a lot for your advice I really do appreciate it <33

Starting to address these issues will be an extremely powerful step in the direction of restoring your will to live.

No problem, I believe it's our duty as human beings to help each other out.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Hey friend, how long have you been depressed for? I felt the same way, nothing wrong with my life but feel like shit. And for me what caused it was "nothing wrong" to me being "what people define as a happy life/meeting society's expectations" instead of doing what I wanted. In my experience, when I left the situation that was keeping me down and living my own life for the sake of me, I got much better. Depending on the situation, it can be quite possible to escape the depression.

Think about ctb like an exchange: would you rather face the suffering of life or the uncertainty of death? Personally if I had a chance to be happy, I'd choose to live life because at least that is certain, while death is not. I know it's hard to assess it objectively, but do you think the source of your depression has a chance to go away? And when will it? (Ex. Would you throw away 60 years of life because you can't endure 2 years of suffering?) It's something you have to evaluate on a situational basis.

 

[catsrprettycuteman]

Hey friend, how long have you been depressed for? I felt the same way, nothing wrong with my life but feel like shit. And for me what caused it was "nothing wrong" to me being "what people define as a happy life/meeting society's expectations" instead of doing what I wanted. In my experience, when I left the situation that was keeping me down and living my own life for the sake of me, I got much better. Depending on the situation, it can be quite possible to escape the depression.

Think about ctb like an exchange: would you rather face the suffering of life or the uncertainty of death? Personally if I had a chance to be happy, I'd choose to live life because at least that is certain, while death is not. I know it's hard to assess it objectively, but do you think the source of your depression has a chance to go away? And when will it? (Ex. Would you throw away 60 years of life because you can't endure 2 years of suffering?) It's something you have to evaluate on a situational basis.

I've been depressed all my life to be honest, I remember even when I was younger I would want to die. pretty much from 8 and up I've been wanting to die. I feel like things could be better. It's hard living with abusive people but I do like to imagine myself happy in the future. but knowing myself I pressure myself too much on to working and being successful, i hate if I don't meet to my expectations and that's like the biggest cause of my depression to be honest. I know if I keep on living my life will improve but I know myself will just keep on pushing me down. if I don't achieve anything in my life I know my depression will get worse, it's a lot pressure because of my own judgement of myself. I've thought about not being so hard on me but kinda hard to do so. i kinda wanna take the chance and keep on living incase I do meet those expectations, or just end up ctbing cause of it

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I've been depressed all my life to be honest, I remember even when I was younger I would want to die. pretty much from 8 and up I've been wanting to die. I feel like things could be better. It's hard living with abusive people but I do like to imagine myself happy in the future. but knowing myself I pressure myself too much on to working and being successful, i hate if I don't meet to my expectations and that's like the biggest cause of my depression to be honest. I know if I keep on living my life will improve but I know myself will just keep on pushing me down. if I don't achieve anything in my life I know my depression will get worse, it's a lot pressure because of my own judgement of myself. I've thought about not being so hard on me but kinda hard to do so. i kinda wanna take the chance and keep on living incase I do meet those expectations, or just end up ctbing cause of it

Was it constant? Or in phases? I believe they're clinically considered different things and therefore handled differently, one is adjustment disorder with depressed moods and one is clinical depression. It sounds like your family is the environmental factor causing the depression, but that once you're away from them you'll have a chance to get better way more easily.

Also, it could be possible that you have it genetically given how young you were when it onset. Have you tried antidepressants?

You sound like me lol, gifted kid syndrome with abusive family. A very typical story on this forum. Tbh, for me to have gotten better I have given up the idea of success as an indicator of worth and decided to use passion as the measure for happiness. At some point you have to be able to say no to others' expectations, because even if you meet them all, you will still be unhappy because you will resent those people for forcing you to be what you don't want to be. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be successful, because I'm successful in my own right, but I'm comfortable with caring about succeeding in certain things and not others--namely stuff that I actually care about, and not stuff that I'm pressured to care about but don't actually care about.

What do you want out of life? If other people didn't exist? Maybe you don't have something, but if you don't then it's time to start finding something you genuinely care about. You're not a bot built for others' to live through you, and trying to be is going to ruin your life.

 

[catsrprettycuteman]

tbh I don't really remember if it was constant or phases I just remember being so numb to it all, there were times we're I would cry and things like that because of my parents but when my parents fought for example if it wasn't too serious I would just space out tbh. family has a history of mental illness and I never wanna be evaluated for the fear I get thrown in a mental hospital. never had antidepressants or anything to help me with my mood just had myself and the internet lol. it's very hard to not try to live up to my expectations. I come from a poor family so I wanna make sure I can take care of myself yk. I've always been told from my mother and teachers etc.. I have so much potential and they know I'm going to be something great in life. And I just wanna make them proud yk. I always have hard wired the fact into my brain that if I'm not doing anything with my life that isn't beneficial to anyone else is it worth living? I always think how if I'm not making someone else happy I bring nothing to the table and have no purpose for living anymore. I genuinely need to figure out how to get past it to be honest.I feel like no matter what I do I know someone is doing it better than me even with the things I enjoy doing. It is just so difficult to not to be hard on myself. I'm just desperately figuring out a way out of this little hole I made for myself.