Venting I kinda just don't like living? Lol

[goodbye-to-a-world]

Idk. Not really actively suicidal rn but passively, yeah. I don't dislike living bc I hate my life (I mean I kinda do but that's not why I feel like this) but bc like... I gotta do this shit indefinitely??? I have to take care of myself forever??? I'm gonna be mentally ill when I'm old too??? Exhausting really. Even when trying to think of things I want to do in the name of recovery, things I can aspire or look forward to, I always end up sitting with it a bit too long and being like "damn nvm that shit sounds like a lot". I just don't like that I'm basically my own Tamagotchi until further notice by default I guess existing is so involved

TL;DR -

 

[Cepheuss]

Nah i get jt i dont enjoy living its not fun to me i dont see the point in continuing a simulation shits so boring

 

[Spite]

Yeah, I feel the same. Like, I just don't like doing the essentials that are required to live in this life. Getting out of bed sucks. Having to cook food sucks. Having to shower sucks. I'm too depressed and mentally ill to do anything and I wish I could just stay in bed and rot. Better yet, I wish I was dead.

I love that meme image btw

 

[Lamentice]

I feel this. I'm so fucking fatigued, spend most of my waking hours working, still am in debt anyway (although actively being paid down at least), gotta come home and do work at home too, do work to take care of my body, not that I do either of those that well after the exhaustion of working and social games, mostly all the social dynamics in the workplace since I don't maintain friendships anymore--too tired, too checked out, too miserable.

And then I gotta do it for decades, til I die, probably never having any job I actually care about or pays more than minimum wage because I'm not educated.

Even when trying to think of things I want to do in the name of recovery, things I can aspire or look forward to, I always end up sitting with it a bit too long and being like "damn nvm that shit sounds like a lot".

And this too, absolutely heard. I've thought about going to school to improve my life circumstances, but I'm not sure I have it in me to get through that successfully the more I sit with it.

Most people seem to have support, a soft place to land with family, are willing to ask for help because they don't have repeated experiences of it being humiliating, used for cruelty, or whatever. They have partners who split at home responsibilities with them, keep them accountable, they have friends that fill their life with energy and joy.

Shit isn't fucking worth it alone, but some people don't have an alternative.

 

[goodbye-to-a-world]

Yeah, I feel the same. Like, I just don't like doing the essentials that are required to live in this life. Getting out of bed sucks. Having to cook food sucks. Having to shower sucks. I'm too depressed and mentally ill to do anything and I wish I could just stay in bed and rot. Better yet, I wish I was dead.

I love that meme image btw

Heavy on the showering on top of it just being tiring sometimes my sensory issues make it even more hellish. Also somebody keeps fucking with the lines so now we're regularly getting dirty water through our pipes Alternatives are either equally if not more annoying (basic sink bath with washcloth) or kinda unjustifiably expensive (single use body wipes becoming a recurring cost)

Maybe tmi but we're here for a... time... not a long time so who cares glad you appreciate the meme lol