I keep saying the word "suicide" at work

[Insomniac]

I say so easily that I'm suicidal and am always shocked at how shocked everyone gets each time and start lecturing me.

I feel embarrassed. A coworker even saw SS open on my phone..

It's not even a secret thing I'm depressed. It's a bit embarrassing idk. My mouth just can't shut up and brings everything back to death.

I wish I could hide my dark humor but I'll make suicide and depression jokes all day long I just can't help it.

 

[cyanlove]

Do you want people to know?

 

[Insomniac]

Do you want people to know?

I just can't help it.

 

[WaveringLight]

If you talk about suicide enough, I feel like that some of your coworkers may raise concerns to your family or police to evaluate your safety, so I would say tread a bit more carefully. But that's only an if. I wouldn't want you to be in a worse position that you are in.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Stop telling people your business, especially at work.

They could end up firing you because you could be viewed as a threat to yourself and others.

 

[Insomniac]

Stop telling people your business, especially at work.

They could end up firing you because you could be viewed as a threat to yourself and others.

but why do I always end up doing that? Every day I elaborate strategies to isolate myself enough to shut up but it never works? I always say off limit stuff and the wildest stuff comes out of my mouth without prior notice! I can never know when I'm going to fuck up.

The only way to stop is to litteraly become mute.

the fall is going to be deadly, that's all I know.

Edit: maybe I should write a script of things to say the night before.

But it won't work because I always end up sharing the most depressing knews and then close with "see? that's why I'm suicidal haha"

wtf me. I'm so glad I'm never going to have to be my own colleague or friend or family.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Maybe it's your subconscious worming its way into your consciousness and verbally crying out for help.

You might be trying to pass it off as a joke, but obviously you are truly suffering beneath the surface.

Do you by any chance have autism or ADHD? Being neuro-atypical can affect one's lack of "social graces" as well.

I used to do the same thing when I was younger.

I remember I went to work and told a bunch of people that I was high on valium, lol.

But yeah, being mute helps, too, and keeping conversation to a minimum or exclusive to work-based topics.

But you have an internal filter, right? Just think before you speak.

 

[Insomniac]

But you have an internal filter, right? Just think before you speak

the other day i said to my boss while entering his office (in french): "hi, it's just me the pain-in-the-asses/nuisance haha.."

I shit you not. It's only rn that I'm realising hiw fucked up that was. Especially considering I'm only 3 weeks in this job.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would personally never see it as being beneficial to be open about the suicide in this way, but the truth is that the subject of suicide shouldn't be so stigmatised. There's nothing wrong with it after all, but I'm not surprised that those people are shocked, as I believe that the thought of someone wanting to die represents what they fear and it's something they don't understand in any way. But I do get that for some people it can be hard to stay quiet about what is on their mind, I guess that's just the way that some people's personality is after all, but to me it definitely doesn't sound like a good idea to be so open about it. I wish you the best.

 

[SamTam33]

It might be because suicide is your baby in a sense.

I find that people constantly talk about what's consuming their world.

For most of my coworkers, it was always their average kids and spouse.

Layton did this and Dillon did that. Brayden has a game today and Bailey has a recital tomorrow. Blah, blah, blah.

Thoughts of suicide consume your world and it's all you want to talk about. I sometimes envision an actual stop sign in my head when I'm about to open my mouth.

It works about 30% of the time.

You might try breaking the day down into 30 minute increments and practice not speaking on it for 30 minutes at a time.

Start smaller if you have to. 10 minutes of silence and so on.

 

[Pluto]

Wish I worked with you. We could have so much fun roasting our neurotypical colleagues.

 

[Cathy Ames]

It might be because suicide is your baby in a sense.

I find that people constantly talk about what's consuming their world.

For most of my coworkers, it was always their average kids and spouse.

Ah! This makes sense. For me, I recognize that I don't really have an appropriate "thing" as compared to everyone else, and so I blather about my pets or try to keep the other person talking.

 

[Insomniac]

Wish I worked with you

thanks for saying that

 

[Pluto]

On a more serious note, this is called over sharing. Here is a bit more info.

15 Ways to Stop Oversharing at Work and in Relationships

Do you struggle with oversharing? It might be hurting your relationships. Use these 6 tips to overcome your oversharing tendency!

www.scienceofpeople.com

 

[Insomniac]

On a more serious note, this is called over sharing. Here is a bit more info.

15 Ways to Stop Oversharing at Work and in Relationships

Do you struggle with oversharing? It might be hurting your relationships. Use these 6 tips to overcome your oversharing tendency!

www.scienceofpeople.com

I think that I feel like I suck so much that the only way to compensate is to sell my dignity and people buy it

 

[Pluto]

I think that I feel like I suck so much that the only way to compensate is to sell my dignity and people buy it

I get that too. The other thing is that we all overshare here on the forum because we don't have to worry about Normies breathing down our necks, but some amount of masking in everyday situations is a good idea.

Colleagues could start gossiping or bullying us, or even involving authorities as others have mentioned. It's good to come up with a new strategy for your safety. With any luck, you will eventually find people who you can truly be yourself around.

 

[Doom]

we would get along great at work but u probably wouldn't know i'm suicidal or a member here because i don't tell anyone

 

[Unending]

It might be because suicide is your baby in a sense.

I find that people constantly talk about what's consuming their world.

For most of my coworkers, it was always their average kids and spouse.

Layton did this and Dillon did that. Brayden has a game today and Bailey has a recital tomorrow. Blah, blah, blah.

Thoughts of suicide consume your world and it's all you want to talk about. I sometimes envision an actual stop sign in my head when I'm about to open my mouth.

It works about 30% of the time.

You might try breaking the day down into 30 minute increments and practice not speaking on it for 30 minutes at a time.

Start smaller if you have to. 10 minutes of silence and so on.

I agree super duper with this idea.

 

[BipolarExpress]

Be careful sharing that kind of information. I cannot emphasise that enough. You don't want to get fired or censured—or sent to the psych ward by blabbing about being suicidal. This is the kind of thing you don't mention at work. If you need support, you can come here and vent without those risks.

 

[TAW122]

Pretty much others have all made great suggestions. Another thing I do (at least for me) is that I write down what I want to say and my thoughts or stuff in a text file on my local machine (password protected, and/or in some secret repository) and then I know it's secure there where no one has access to but myself, then revisit it and what not. This may/not work for you but it's something to consider so that way you can vent but still avoid the risks.

In addition to this, you could also actively (might be hard if you have difficulty in filtering) see the word 'suicide' just as bad as some other taboo words IRL and this way, it would slowly work it's way out of your vocabulary. I pretty much treat the s-word, just like some of the words you never say in public, which helps me avoid it. Then to add an extra layer of safety, I also avoid speaking of the subject while in public or outside of safe places like SaSu, TRTNLE, and/or other spaces where the topic of assisted death is being talked about.