Self-harm can become addictive. One of the driving elements can be the feeling of control it gives. You may try to reduce self-harm by cultivating some activity or interest that also allows you some control so that you feel less need for self-harm.
Distraction is my best spell so far, so you have a point. I can tell you I did resist the urge this time, partly because someone intervened. I guess I got my attention. It feels rotten.
i was suicidal my whole life, however it's more of a wave pattern for me, sometimes things easier, some many other times harder, but not once in my life have i felt that my suicidal ideation was a cry for attention
i also treat my body really well, and it never crossed my mind to harm myself in any way
i wonder why is it the case with you, cuz is i feel it's something deeper than asking for attention, i always find weird that some people opt for self harm, i could never wrap my head around it, perhaps you have the answer
I wish I could explain it.
I think over years and years of neglect in a domestic environment as well as by doctors and medical staff, I've come to crave actual care and attention so much I am willing to hurt myself to get it.
I don't think it's necessarily because I'm suicidal.
The wish to be dead is still true, it's something I have almost learned to cope with at this point. That part ... is not for attention. Otherwise I'd throw myself at any healthcare professional and get institutionalised.
However. Once I actually get said craved attention. I hate it. I just want to leave I need to leave I hate it. Like being touch starved and craving touch at the same time, idk if you can relate to that.
Same. I wish someone would care for me and waste their time on me. I won't die if I could live easy.
Waste their time on me. Fuck. That kind of hits just the spot of what I feel too.
I guess we're not alone. I truly hope we find the care and attention we need. Despite being uncertain I deserve it, I have found I need it.
General Update (because I wanna vent some more)
I realised I was struggling really hard and decided to call a Hotline that can help you get doctor's appointments. I wanted an appointment with a psychiatrist!
There was not a single one available in my entire state.
I told the woman about the acid (NOT that I want to hurt myself or even kill myself, the latter was never the intention), and said "I guess you can't help me. Imma neey go to uni now anyway."
She interpreted this as "I wanna kill myself"
She ended up calling the police, who tried to call me. But I was in a lecture and didn't pick up 5 calls :']
By the time I called back, they showed up at my mother's house (who I am currently actively cutting off) and my mother called my sister. My sister.... Made this about her.
Police and an ambulance showed up in front of my door. I ended up going with them; I wasn't ever going to get a psychiatrist appointment at this rate. I'm in a clinic right now and finally getting started on some medication I had wanted to try (despite it being a saturday, they're great!).
My brother was the only one who ended up calling me. Despite my sister and mother apparently being the most upset. Fucking can't with them, we barely talk.
My brother took the news very sober. He didn't think I had killed myself, but he told me if I would have he would have been fine. He knows I struggle and told me he'd have respected my choice. That honestly helped. My brothers are the only one who knew of my prior attempt. They both seemed sober and supportive. I'll visit one of them on christmas :)
My roommate dropped by earlier. I can't stand his guts but he brought me spare clothes, my plushed shark and... my favorite chocolate. I honestly cried. That's it up until now.
I honestly feel like this might be a good thing. I am finally trying this medication, I have pushed for it for so long. I hope the doctors can help me figure something out!
