Hello again everybody. Hopefully you all are having a good day/evening.
I come on here venting again because I have nobody to truly talk to. I'm glad that this forum exists, I am grateful that I am able to type out all of my problems here with little to no judgement. You don't find that often anywhere else, everyone nowadays especially online are so misanthropic. Why isn't kindness encouraged anymore? Why does every human interaction feel so transactional? I know many things in life are, but goodwill isn't an honored gesture anymore. At least where I'm from. Everyone is afraid of getting hurt so is it that they put on this 'tough' facade to protect themselves from the tragedies that naturally occur in life? It is the human experience I believe, but I guess it isn't their fault. It is scary knowing that one day you're going to be heartbroken or unsatisfied with life. Anyways. I am autistic, I struggle severely with socializing. All my life I've never had a friend for a long time. I struggle with talking, I have a bad stutter. I don't have a nice smile, my teeth aren't the greatest, I have braces on at 21 and I don't have any money to get them removed. The bracket in the back is broken. I'm stuck with them until I get the funds to get them removed and possibly redone. So I don't smile much because of it. And because I don't smile often people take that as a sign of annoyance. I promise I would smile all the time if I could. Now my speech patterns, very very awkward and childlike. I was homeschooled most of my life, so I don't have the proper experience when meeting others. I have a hard time with social cues. Luckily though I can hold down a job, I've been holding my job down for three years so that is a good thing. I did something right. But I still find myself trembling when interacting with others. It hurts me so much, I cry every time. I feel very inhuman. I just want things to get better, I dream about it everyday.........
I come on here venting again because I have nobody to truly talk to. I'm glad that this forum exists, I am grateful that I am able to type out all of my problems here with little to no judgement. You don't find that often anywhere else, everyone nowadays especially online are so misanthropic. Why isn't kindness encouraged anymore? Why does every human interaction feel so transactional? I know many things in life are, but goodwill isn't an honored gesture anymore. At least where I'm from. Everyone is afraid of getting hurt so is it that they put on this 'tough' facade to protect themselves from the tragedies that naturally occur in life? It is the human experience I believe, but I guess it isn't their fault. It is scary knowing that one day you're going to be heartbroken or unsatisfied with life. Anyways. I am autistic, I struggle severely with socializing. All my life I've never had a friend for a long time. I struggle with talking, I have a bad stutter. I don't have a nice smile, my teeth aren't the greatest, I have braces on at 21 and I don't have any money to get them removed. The bracket in the back is broken. I'm stuck with them until I get the funds to get them removed and possibly redone. So I don't smile much because of it. And because I don't smile often people take that as a sign of annoyance. I promise I would smile all the time if I could. Now my speech patterns, very very awkward and childlike. I was homeschooled most of my life, so I don't have the proper experience when meeting others. I have a hard time with social cues. Luckily though I can hold down a job, I've been holding my job down for three years so that is a good thing. I did something right. But I still find myself trembling when interacting with others. It hurts me so much, I cry every time. I feel very inhuman. I just want things to get better, I dream about it everyday.........
