I want to believe that even if my SN doesn't work, that I at least have hanging to fall back on. Everytime I fantasize about suicide I always imagine it being by hanging. There's something romantic about it, oddly enough.
It's such a shame because part of me wants to make life work. But life right now doesn't seem to want me to make it work, so why keep going right? What can I possibly stick around for? The hope that things can magically turn around? The hope that I can find something meaningful to do for work? The hope I suddenly won't be lonely and pathetic?
I wonder if this is all my sense of self is meant to be: lonely, depressed, downtrodden, defeated. Once this life ends I can only imagine what happens next. Hopefully it's just a long peaceful sleep. Anyway I'm rambling. Thank you for reading this if you did. It'd make me feel a little less lonely if anything I said resonated and you shared your thoughts.
It's such a shame because part of me wants to make life work. But life right now doesn't seem to want me to make it work, so why keep going right? What can I possibly stick around for? The hope that things can magically turn around? The hope that I can find something meaningful to do for work? The hope I suddenly won't be lonely and pathetic?
I wonder if this is all my sense of self is meant to be: lonely, depressed, downtrodden, defeated. Once this life ends I can only imagine what happens next. Hopefully it's just a long peaceful sleep. Anyway I'm rambling. Thank you for reading this if you did. It'd make me feel a little less lonely if anything I said resonated and you shared your thoughts.
