Help i just relapsed and it felt so nice. what do i do?

[black.dahlia]

i managed to go a month without cutting, but i relasped on impluse. it felt so nice, i couldnt help but do it more than necessary. and i made a point to let the blood trickle down my arm, i was on the high that bad.
is this bad? i wanna tell myself it is but it felt so amazing, i just wanna do it again. whats wrong with me?
i take videos and pictures of myself doing it to look back on later too. i feel insane. what am i supposed to do? i want to keep doing it because its the best thing ive felt in a while, but everyone tells me its bad. (and i cant wear tang tops anymore )

 

[nicotine_goblin]

It's a dangerous coping mechanism, remember to take care of the cuts so they heal well and don't get infected. Also from personal experience I noticed that the more I do it the more addicted to it I feel and the more numb i get, which drags my mental state even more down over time. Although I agree it can feel good in the moment, to get some release, it's better in the long run to search for a healthier coping method imo. Relapsing is a normal part of recovery so no need to be guilty over it, it's a long process with ups and downs

 

[spooky0-0]

I've be SH for about 5ish years and I would get clean and then relapse. I have been clean for about a year with only very small slip ups here and there but I agree I like how it feels. SH is the only thing that helps me feel real. But I know its not the best coping skill

 

[rosa.rosa]

i managed to go a month without cutting, but i relasped on impluse. it felt so nice, i couldnt help but do it more than necessary. and i made a point to let the blood trickle down my arm, i was on the high that bad.
is this bad? i wanna tell myself it is but it felt so amazing, i just wanna do it again. whats wrong with me?
i take videos and pictures of myself doing it to look back on later too. i feel insane. what am i supposed to do? i want to keep doing it because its the best thing ive felt in a while, but everyone tells me its bad. (and i cant wear tang tops anymore )

I also take videos and pictures of my self-harm. I get strange validation when I look back at the photos and my scars. It makes me feel like I'm healing even though I still cut. The longest I was clean for was a little less than a month, but I always end up relapsing; the high is too good. You won't stop self-harming immediately, the fact that you spent an entire month clean is amazing.

 

[Glen]

i managed to go a month without cutting, but i relasped on impluse. it felt so nice, i couldnt help but do it more than necessary. and i made a point to let the blood trickle down my arm, i was on the high that bad.
is this bad? i wanna tell myself it is but it felt so amazing, i just wanna do it again. whats wrong with me?
i take videos and pictures of myself doing it to look back on later too. i feel insane. what am i supposed to do? i want to keep doing it because its the best thing ive felt in a while, but everyone tells me its bad. (and i cant wear tang tops anymore )

If you havent already, seek professional help. I know its incredibly clishe, and probably an incredibly taboo thing to say on this forum, but I think you nonetheless should.

 

[squirley]

I'm confused is this a.recovery post or should there be a a new section about sh ? Wtf is going on
Not sure what makes.you do whatever it is you do but good luck.

 

[unending_emptiness]

In my opinion there nothing wrong with it. If you want to recover your should if not, then you should have the freedom to do whatever you want to your body without you feeling guilty or anyone stopping you. Consider the risk that come from cutting. Still worth it? Then I think it's ok. As a self harder myself I understand how good it feels and how much it can help. I think it's just like getting tattoos, except with the risk of getting infections and more blood. Both leave scars and both can be used as a coping mechanism. The fact that someone's life can get much worse being clean just makes it not worth it to stay clean personally. Plus think about it, are you staying clean for others? I cannot see anything really wrong with it and I've thought about it for years now.

 

[black.dahlia]

I also take videos and pictures of my self-harm. I get strange validation when I look back at the photos and my scars. It makes me feel like I'm healing even though I still cut. The longest I was clean for was a little less than a month, but I always end up relapsing; the high is too good. You won't stop self-harming immediately, the fact that you spent an entire month clean is amazing.

it was really hard to go a whole month, i was so proud of myself, too. but so many issues started piling on top of me and i just had to channel it into something. i feel so stupid for doing it too. i just have no one to actually talk to or any friends to communicate with.
the worst part is that i feel so numb to everything i dont care enough to ctb. i just want to go to sleep and never wake up. ive fallen into complete and utter indifference and i cant muster up enough energy to try to ctb or to try and enjoy living. i dont know why i made this post or why im rambling like this, i guess i just want to figure out what to do with myself and need random people online to tell me since no one irl cares enough to. sorry for dumping this randomly on you

 

[rosa.rosa]

it was really hard to go a whole month, i was so proud of myself, too. but so many issues started piling on top of me and i just had to channel it into something. i feel so stupid for doing it too. i just have no one to actually talk to or any friends to communicate with.
the worst part is that i feel so numb to everything i dont care enough to ctb. i just want to go to sleep and never wake up. ive fallen into complete and utter indifference and i cant muster up enough energy to try to ctb or to try and enjoy living. i dont know why i made this post or why im rambling like this, i guess i just want to figure out what to do with myself and need random people online to tell me since no one irl cares enough to. sorry for dumping this randomly on you

I can relate; I have similar feelings when I try to stop. I don't have anyone to talk to about my shit apart from my counsellor, but I usually end up lying and say I've not cut just to get validation from them. I want to CTB, but it's just too much effort. I tried to before, but I hadn't done enough research and just ended up getting fucked on Benadryl. I honestly can't bother to try again; it's a pain in the ass, and I don't want to waste my money on medicine just to end up failing.

Sorry, I ended up rambling as well. I can't really give advice. The best I can say is to take care of your cuts so they don't get infected.

This is where I learned how to take of my cuts.

 

[snowcloud9]

Nah I swear you're not crazy for taking pics, I swear that everyone who self-harms does it. The cuts are so perfectly straight and satisfying. You could try getting clean again. Don't let one failure make you give up completely and all that. Lotsa people out there proud about their clean streaks, so it must mean something, right?